I Left The Lights On So You Stumble In Devotion

Evgeni didn’t overly enjoy the next morning. He felt himself somehow swell up with regret and awkwardness; he didn’t even say anything to Sidney as he left him in his bed to get up and dressed.

Evgeni knew that Sidney would probably think he was just nervous about the game, nervous about not getting more goals and assists, but Evgeni was nervous about Sidney. His captain was lying half naked in his bed; it was definitely something to be nervous about.

“Why are you getting ready so fast?” asked Sidney, yawning and stretching his arms out on Evgeni’s bed.

“I go somewhere.” replied Evgeni, hauling on new jeans and beginning to tie his laces.

Honestly? Evgeni just wanted to get out of that room. He’d probably call Gonchar and tell him about what was going on. He wasn’t sure what Gonchar would say, but for some reason he didn’t think he would be disproving.

“I go now, bye Sidney.” said Evgeni extremely awkwardly, waving minimally to Sidney before beginning to leave.

“Wait, Geno.” called Sidney, getting out of the bed and running towards the door. “Maybe we should talk later.”

“Talk?” repeated Evgeni. “Talking does not work well for Geno.”

Sidney grinned, not realizing that Evgeni was just wanting to completely avoid him for as long as possible. He didn’t know what he was doing with Sidney, it was odd and it confused him.

“We can make it work.” assured Sidney, leaning in to give Evgeni a small peck on the cheek. “So, call me when you’re ready, okay?”

“I will call when ready.” sighed Evgeni, turning around and leaving Sidney alone in the hotel room.

Evgeni walked to the stairwell, took out his cellphone and began to dial Gonchar’s number. He’d never been so happy to hear Gonchar speak, and finally, he could speak Russian again.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” replied Evgeni, trying to think of how to start up the conversation.

“How was your night?” asked Gonchar, his voice sounded amused.

“It was alright.” said Evgeni suspiciously. “I have to tell you something.”

“I think I know already.” Gonchar’s voice sounded very honest, but Evgeni was hoping Gonchar didn’t know already. That would mean everybody probably knew, right? Evgeni didn’t want everybody to know this.

“You know already?” repeated Evgeni, his voice cracking.

“Sidney told me about what happened in the dressing room a while ago because he knew you’d talk to me about it.”

“But I didn’t.”

“But you are now, so he’s partially right.” reminded Gonchar, his voice sounded completely amused to Evgeni.

“I don’t know what to do.” admitted Evgeni, slowly walking down the stairs.

“You want my advice?” asked Gonchar.

“I do.” replied Evgeni, thinking it was quite obvious he wanted Gonchar’s advice since he called him.

“If you don’t know what to do, then don’t do anything at all.” said Gonchar simply.

Don’t do anything at all? That sounded simple, but the chances of doing nothing at all were very slim. Slim to none, actually. Sidney was very open now with the idea of being close with Evgeni, so it would be hard to turn it back to the way it was.

“I could try, but… what’s the chance of that working?” asked Evgeni curiously.

“I’m not sure, just do what you think feels right.”

“That could get me into trouble.”

Gonchar laughed, and Evgeni was beginning to feel a lot more stupid now that he’d called Gonchar. Evgeni muttered a goodbye and hung up.

* * *

Sidney was team captain for a reason. He was extremely talented and responsible; he always seemed to have his head in the game. This is why it confused people when he had a bad game. They didn’t seem to understand that even Sidney Crosby can have an off day.

Evgeni didn’t want to sound vain, but he had an idea that Sidney had finally figured out that he was trying to avoid him. Evgeni sat next to Malone and Jordan in the dressing room, even though a spot was free next to Sidney for him. Sidney looked slightly hurt, but nobody else seemed to notice a difference.

They had lost their game against San José but the rest of the team felt like they were confident with the way they played. It wasn’t a great game, but they put up a good fight. There was no good denying that San José had it in for the cup this year. The team wouldn’t be flying back to Pittsburgh until the morning, so that meant partying in California for the night.

“Let’s just go for some beers, I’m not up for a raging party tonight.” said Malone, rubbing his side.

Malone had gotten checked pretty badly by Ryane Clowe, but he hadn’t complained much about it. Malone and Ryane were good friends, actually, and Sidney and Ryane were even closer.

“Sid, you and Geno coming out with us tonight?” asked Jordan, continuing to take off his hockey gear. “Or are you going to be losers and stay in your hotel room all night?”

“I will go for beer.” said Evgeni instantly, avoiding Sidney’s sharp glance at him.

Evgeni was going to try to ‘do nothing’, see if everything would blow over and be normal again.

“I think I’m going to call up Clowe, see what he’s doing.” said Sidney, his voice sounded strange, not Sidney-like at all.

They all got showered and dressed again, Evgeni leaving with the rest of the guys to go to a bar while Sidney remained behind to catch up with Ryane.

The bar was pretty secluded, but they usually were when they went. It wasn’t fun to always be recognized, especially when you were planning to have a few drinks. Nobody wanted to end up doing something in front of the wrong type of people and then have to witness it online or on television the next day.

Evgeni sat there, he was fairly bored. Everybody else was having a good time and laughing, but Evgeni sat there behind his language barrier. He was actually very deep in thought. He sat there as the alcohol from the beer kicked in, and he kept asking himself why he was so worried about avoiding Sidney. Why? What was the point? Hadn’t he enjoyed last night when Sidney plopped himself on his bed and started to kiss him?

The answer was yes, obviously, and Evgeni knew this now. It was too late to pretend he hadn’t had any feelings for Sidney because he’d already expressed that he had, he didn’t forget the moan that escaped his lips when Sidney ran his hand down his hip.

“Geno, you okay?” asked Malone, taking a large gulp and finishing the rest of his beer. “You look a bit out of it, are we talking too fast?”

“No, it okay.” said Evgeni, not caring about his broken English. “I go back to the hotel now.”

“Are you sure? You’ve only had a few, and it’s not even late.”

“Bye guys.” said Evgeni, waving back at the rest of the team as he left.

Evgeni called a cab and headed back to the hotel. He wasn’t surprised when he entered his hotel room and Sidney wasn’t there. He had a feeling that Sidney would be out late, probably because he would be angry at him.

Around four thirty Evgeni woke up to a thud against his door, followed by loud talking and laughing. He couldn’t understand much of what was being said, but it was loud enough for him to hear it.

He got up, slowly and quietly walking to the door to look out the small hole. He couldn’t see anything, it was all dark. Evgeni thought to himself that someone must be covering up the hole, probably Ryan or Jordan pulling some sort of prank. Evgeni slowly unlocked the door and then yanked it open in a sudden move.

Evgeni stood slightly embarrassed and shocked, staring directly into Sidney’s eyes. Sidney’s arms were tightly wrapped Ryane’s, and their faces were much too close to just be talking. Ryane’s face was filled with complete shock, but Sidney’s eyes gave a look of amusement.

“You guys just friends, right?” said Evgeni, trying his best not to sound angry.

“It’s not what it looks like.” stated Sidney.

But Evgeni knew the difference. Just because the language barrier was still intact didn’t mean that he couldn’t see things that were right in front of him.

“I’m going to go.” said Ryane awkwardly, letting go of Sidney and nodding towards Evgeni. “Bye.”

“Bye.” Sidney watched as Ryane walked away down the hall, and then pushed through Evgeni to get into their dark hotel room.

Evgeni didn’t know if Sidney expected him to talk or yell or throw things, but he knew that Sidney expected something from this. There was definitely a reason why Sidney would bring some other guy back to the hotel room. Evgeni knew he’d ignored Sidney, but Sidney had to know that Evgeni would be slightly confused and possibly angry if he brought some other guy back to the room.

“Are you going to say anything?” asked Sidney, sitting on his own bed in his boxers.

He looked drunk, probably because he was drunk. But he looked so innocent and so attractive; Evgeni didn’t even want to shout at him. Evgeni didn’t want to do anything at all.

“No.” said Evgeni softly, going back to his bed and getting underneath the covers.

“Don’t you want to know what I did with Ryane?” asked Sidney curiously.

“No.” repeated Evgeni.

“You really don’t care, do you? You’re not pretending?” asked Sidney, his voice changing again.

“What you want me to say?” asked Evgeni, rolling over and looking at Sidney in his own bed. “I do not understand, no.”

“You don’t want me, I know that.” said Sidney, shrugging. “I just thought that maybe if you saw me with him… maybe you’d realize you wanted to be him.”

“You want me to be Ryane Clowe?” asked Evgeni, raising his eyebrows.

“No, no… I thought maybe you’d want to be with me, like Ryane was.” explained Sidney, putting his hands on his head. “I didn’t realize this would be so difficult.”

“Ryane is with you.” said Evgeni softly.

“No, he’s not.” sighed Sidney. “I was drunk, Ryane was drunk, we go way back. It was just… a stupid thing to do to try to make you jealous.”

“It worked.” muttered Evgeni, rolling back over and facing the wall.

“And for some reason, it doesn’t make me feeling any better.” whispered Sidney quietly, looking over at Evgeni.

Sidney couldn’t help but wish he was in that bed again.