You Are More Loved Than You Know

I fell so fast- too fast to comprehend it. She was different, unique. I never noticed until now, she wore hearing aids. She hid the fact well. She was confidant, something I once was, but that wasn’t what made me fall for her. It was because of something she did today. Let me recap:

We woke up the next day to all three girls making breakfast for not only us, but Mom, Dad, Frankie AND Big Rob. Steph manned the stove while Ash made the coffee and Ellie set the table. Mom wanted to help, but all three of them refused. I never saw my mother so antsy before. It was actually quite funny. We were all still in pajamas and I was staring at Steph. She wore jersey shorts and a hoodie, but she looked so natural, so beautiful. Joe laughed at my expression and I smacked him. Nick just sat there and shook his head at our silly antics; I would too, because at this point, Joe and I were rolling on the floor. Ellie and Frankie decided to turn it into a dog pile and I could hear Stephanie and Ash laughing at us.
The letter from last night still dumbfounded me. I never saw anything like it. I also never heard anyone talk about me like that either. More than anything, I was still confused about being liked. Maybe I haven’t given anyone the chance to like me. I could sing more, like Joe and Nick...nah. It’s not me. It wouldn’t make a difference- I would still be unlike and a copier. I banged my head on the guitar table we had on the Gibson bus, letting out a groan. I heard Steph let out a giggle before sitting across from me.

“A penny for your thoughts?” I looked up at her and her brown eyes sparkled at me.

“The letter...”

“Ah, I see. Well, what do you want to know?”

“Why?”

“Step one towards loving yourself: see yourself through other eyes.”

“Is this a joke?” She chuckled and shook her head at me.

“No silly. Look, you just need to realize that you are more loved than you know. In order to help you see that, you need to feel confident in yourself again.”

“Confident? I am confident!”

“If you were, this letter wouldn’t have shocked you as much.” Dang it, this girl knows me better than I know myself! She stood up and left the room and went back to banging my head on the table.

“You know, doing that can cause brain damage, which can lead to seizers, which isn’t good, and I should know.” Ellie walked over to the fridge and grabbed a Red Bull. She always joked about her epilpsey, but I worry about her sometimes.

“Ellie, what’s wrong with me?”

“I ask that every day. Really though, there isn’t anything wrong with you except that YOU think that there is something wrong with you. Kev, as your friend, you need to know that.” She patted my shoulder and smirked.

“How is that supposed to help?!”

“Look, people are starting to notice you aren’t yourself anymore. You hardly smile like you used to. Fans no longer hear your voice, your laugh. Kevin, you are no longer Kevin.”

“Since when-“

“Do they notice? Dude, they always notice. Ellie is right, you aren’t the same.”

“Really?”

“I remember reading in Teen Magazine that fans would be surprised that you care more than they think. Is this what you meant Kev?” I looked at Ellie and Ashley and nodded. Ash sighed and looked at Ellie who nodded.

“Steph’s right. You need to love yourself before any of this can be fixed. Then again, in order to do that, we need the help of your guys’ fans.”

“You guys already started.”

“Curly-boy say what?” I laughed at Ellie’s outburst and Ash’s surprised face. They both raised their eyebrows at me, almost like they were twins.

“The letter I found last night. That’s what you were talking about right?”

“We know nothing about a letter.”

“I knew it! I told Steph that she should give him her letter she wrote, but I didn’t expect it so soon! She has her own plan! Dangnabit! Steph!” Ellie ran out of the room and Ashley and I started laughing. I don’t think I laughed this hard in a long time.

“Steph has her own plans. Who knows what she is thinking sometimes, but she is right about this. You should let her in. She is the sweetest person ever.”

Which brings us to now. I am now backstage getting ready for our show in Philadelphia. I can’t help but to think about everything that has happened. It turns out that Stephanie is our new tour photographer, so all three of them will be with us a lot more. I have been pacing back and forth for the last ten minutes when I look at my guitar. On there was another note.

“Kevin,
You are probably wondering about a lot of things now and I don’t blame you. These notes are probably getting annoying, but I find the best way to express this is in writing. I can’t write songs, so this is the next best thing.
If you need to talk, you know where to find me.
Good Luck!
-Steph”

I ran out of the room and down towards the stage. Steph was standing by Big Rob, with her camera in hand. She looked so beautiful. Stop staring Kevin!

“Steph, I want to talk.” She just nodded and pulled my hand back to our room. I felt so at ease with her and her touch was electrifying. She sat down on the couch and I sat on the table in front of her.

“I don’t love myself anymore. I am always afraid of disappointing people and now, I am so obsessed with this fan thing- I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you think you are disappointing your fans?”

“Yes,” I finally said after a long pause.

“What are you going to do?” I shrugged my shoulders and sighed.

“*sigh* How about acting like your old self for starters?”

“That could work.”

“I’m glad. Kev, I care more than you think.” She kissed my cheek and handed me my guitar.

“Good luck. I’ll be right backstage supporting you.” For the first time in a long time, I played my heart out.