Until the End of Everything

I walked down the street, wrapping my jacket tightly around my shivering body. It was the middle of Winter and the air was crisp and cold. I crossed the street to the park and sat down on a swing. My legs slowly rocked back and forth, making the swing move.

I had been coming here to think a lot. Mikey’s house was right across the street. I haven’t talked to Mikey in about a week. I knew he didn’t clean up. I just missed being in his arms every night. Seeing him smile goofily every time I kissed him or told him I love him. But he changed. And I had no idea why.

As I stared at the ground, deep in thought, I heard footsteps make their way over to me. “This seat taken?” a shaky voice asked.

I looked up a little and saw Gerard standing there with his hands in his pockets. The tip of his nose was red, along with his cheeks and the tips of his ears. I shrugged and he sat down in the swing next to me.

He let a sigh escape his lips and he slowly rocked back and forth. “I’m sorry, Natalie.”

“Don’t be,” I muttered a little harshly. Gerard was like a brother to me, so when he drank and did stupid stuff, it bothered me.

“It’s my fault all of this happened.” He sighed as he looked straight ahead. “I know I have a problem with drinking.” He admitted. “I’m not going to try to deny it. But I think I can handle it. I didn’t mean to drag Mikey down with me.”

“He’s just doing it because he wants to get away from the problems at home,” I said quietly. “He’s sick of you coming home fucking drunk off your ass, and having to deal with it.”

Gerard sighed, but I continued anyway. “He’s popping pills, Gerard,” I said sadly looking at him.

“I know.” He sighed and looked down at his lap.

“They’re not even his.” I felt my eyes tear up. “I can’t lose Mikey.” I shook my head just thinking about it. What if he took one too many? What was I going to do? The Way family was the only thing I had. Donna was like my Mother, and Gerard was like my Brother. And I hoped one day they would be.

“You won’t lose him.” Gerard sighed and pushed his swing to the side so he was right by me. “You’re not going to lose him, Natalie.”

I turned to him and threw my arms around his neck, letting every thing out. This was the first time Gerard has ever seen my cry. He always thought I was some tough girl that kept Mikey in line. It was sad to say I let him down. Mikey is under anyone’s control.

“We have to get him out of it.” I sniffled pulling away from Gerard’s embrace.

“I know.” He sighed. “But I’m not much of a help. You’re the only one who can.”

“He won’t listen to me.” I wiped my eyes. “I have no idea how many calls of mine he has ignored.”

“Then come over and talk to him.” He nodded towards the house.

“I don’t think I can.” I shook my head. Just seeing him again, all pale and sick like that would break my heart even more.

“Do you really think sitting here and crying about it will help?” Gerard asked sternly.

“If you want to help you would quit drinking and doing drugs, too,” I said harshly, since he sounded like a hypocrite.

He sighed. “Natalie, I told you I can’t.”

I rolled my eyes and stood up. “Then don’t sit here and tell me how to stop your brother’s problem when your problem is just as bad. You have no idea how much it kills Mikey to see you come home drunk.”

Gerard sighed and looked down ashamed. I just walked away, across the street, back to my house. I couldn’t go to Mikey’s and talk to him. He wouldn’t listen. I had no idea what I was going to do to get my Mikey back. I missed him and it was killing me.