A Picture Changed My Life Forever
Talking to Frank Again.
We continued to watch the concert, I, with a permanent smile glued across my face, heaven knows why.
"Alright, and our last song, also goes out to Sam and Frankie back home," Gerard said. He grinned.
Bob hit his drumsticks together. "One, two, three," he said. He didn't have a mic, so his beats were very soft, it's just that Frank demanded that I put the volume three-fourths of the possible loudness.
Just then, it suddenly cut off and turned into a commercial. I'm reminding you now: we were watching on TV.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" we both screamed at the same time.
"Damn you, TV! I thought we were fucking friends!" Frank yelled, throwing several other pieces of his chicken on the screen.
As he continued to aim insults involving colorful langguage at the television, I grabbed the remote and tried every channel; maybe they were showing the same thing.
But they weren't.
I sighed and tried MTV again.
The concert finally came back on, but it was the end. "Thanks for coming everybody! Good night!" Gee yelled on the mic.
Mikey, Ray and Bob waved good-bye to their audience and vanished from view.
Frank grunted. "Fuck you, commercials, fuck you." He looked at his watch. "Three, two, one."
He grinned.
"Whacha grinning about?" I asked, still with that stupid smile on my face.
"The good thing about missing a concert, and this is the only good thing, is missing the fan girls trying to kiss you, or get your autograph, or propose, or ask if they could hold my babies...." His voice trailed off for a moment. "Some of those girls get crazy ideas."
I stiffled a giggle. Then for the first time since watching the concert, the smile faded away from my face. "Can I trust you?" I asked him.
"Mhmm," he replied, looking at his left fingers.
"I think I love your bestfriend," I told him quietly.
"You love my XBOX?" He joked, trying to lighten the mood. I know he knew this was hard for me to admit.
I smiled slightly. "No. I mean, Gee."
"Aha," he said, "I always suspected it. Everyone loves Gee."
"But everyone loves you too, Frankie. Go check the Internet."
He looked at me. "You use the Internet alot, don't you?"
I nodded. "But I don't want to love him."
"What?"
"I dont want to love him like that. Frank, look at our age difference. He's 17 years older than me, and chances are, he doesn't look at me like that," I admitted.
"What does your heart tell you?" he asked.
I looked at him, tears building in my eyes. "My granddad used to say that. He was my bestfriend, I was even closer to him than I ever was to Dana. And then, he just died silently one day."
He pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair. That's the thing about Frank. He could hurt you badly, he could be so playful and active, and he could be the nicest person ever. "I'm sorry to hear that, Sammy. But what does your heart tell you?"
"I don't have a heart," I lied. "I have a hole for a heart."
Frank faced me, and he was so close, our noses almost touched. He said, "Don't say that. Don't you say that. You have do have a heart."
I nodded, the tears coming to my eyes. I tried to stop them. I shut my eyes very tightly, it looked like I had wrinkles for eyes. I tried to listen to what my heart was saying... I tried to uncover what every beat meant.
I heard voices in my mind. And for once, my mind and my heart were saying the same things.
Frank hugged me again. "Okay, then, Sammy. You don't need to tell me what your heart says if it's that hard." He looked at his watch. "Ooh, eleven PM already? I'm calling it a night. Are you coming?" he asked.
I shook my head slightly, my head distracted with what my heart told me.
"Alright, then. I'm across your room if you need me. Good night," he said. I stood up and hugged him again.
"Thanks for everything," I mumbled.
He wiped away my tears with his thumb and smiled. "Okey-dokey. Just remember to do what your heart tells you, unless it's something dumb."
I smiled and sat back down on the floor and stared at the ceiling.
And Frank did give good advice. I knew what he meant by the 'something dumb' part.... and I know he wanted me to tell Gee that I loved him.
But I wanted to do what my heart told me, even if it is something dumb.
But am I hearing my heart correctly, or am I just imagining things and hearing what I want to hear?
"Alright, and our last song, also goes out to Sam and Frankie back home," Gerard said. He grinned.
Bob hit his drumsticks together. "One, two, three," he said. He didn't have a mic, so his beats were very soft, it's just that Frank demanded that I put the volume three-fourths of the possible loudness.
Just then, it suddenly cut off and turned into a commercial. I'm reminding you now: we were watching on TV.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" we both screamed at the same time.
"Damn you, TV! I thought we were fucking friends!" Frank yelled, throwing several other pieces of his chicken on the screen.
As he continued to aim insults involving colorful langguage at the television, I grabbed the remote and tried every channel; maybe they were showing the same thing.
But they weren't.
I sighed and tried MTV again.
The concert finally came back on, but it was the end. "Thanks for coming everybody! Good night!" Gee yelled on the mic.
Mikey, Ray and Bob waved good-bye to their audience and vanished from view.
Frank grunted. "Fuck you, commercials, fuck you." He looked at his watch. "Three, two, one."
He grinned.
"Whacha grinning about?" I asked, still with that stupid smile on my face.
"The good thing about missing a concert, and this is the only good thing, is missing the fan girls trying to kiss you, or get your autograph, or propose, or ask if they could hold my babies...." His voice trailed off for a moment. "Some of those girls get crazy ideas."
I stiffled a giggle. Then for the first time since watching the concert, the smile faded away from my face. "Can I trust you?" I asked him.
"Mhmm," he replied, looking at his left fingers.
"I think I love your bestfriend," I told him quietly.
"You love my XBOX?" He joked, trying to lighten the mood. I know he knew this was hard for me to admit.
I smiled slightly. "No. I mean, Gee."
"Aha," he said, "I always suspected it. Everyone loves Gee."
"But everyone loves you too, Frankie. Go check the Internet."
He looked at me. "You use the Internet alot, don't you?"
I nodded. "But I don't want to love him."
"What?"
"I dont want to love him like that. Frank, look at our age difference. He's 17 years older than me, and chances are, he doesn't look at me like that," I admitted.
"What does your heart tell you?" he asked.
I looked at him, tears building in my eyes. "My granddad used to say that. He was my bestfriend, I was even closer to him than I ever was to Dana. And then, he just died silently one day."
He pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair. That's the thing about Frank. He could hurt you badly, he could be so playful and active, and he could be the nicest person ever. "I'm sorry to hear that, Sammy. But what does your heart tell you?"
"I don't have a heart," I lied. "I have a hole for a heart."
Frank faced me, and he was so close, our noses almost touched. He said, "Don't say that. Don't you say that. You have do have a heart."
I nodded, the tears coming to my eyes. I tried to stop them. I shut my eyes very tightly, it looked like I had wrinkles for eyes. I tried to listen to what my heart was saying... I tried to uncover what every beat meant.
I heard voices in my mind. And for once, my mind and my heart were saying the same things.
Frank hugged me again. "Okay, then, Sammy. You don't need to tell me what your heart says if it's that hard." He looked at his watch. "Ooh, eleven PM already? I'm calling it a night. Are you coming?" he asked.
I shook my head slightly, my head distracted with what my heart told me.
"Alright, then. I'm across your room if you need me. Good night," he said. I stood up and hugged him again.
"Thanks for everything," I mumbled.
He wiped away my tears with his thumb and smiled. "Okey-dokey. Just remember to do what your heart tells you, unless it's something dumb."
I smiled and sat back down on the floor and stared at the ceiling.
And Frank did give good advice. I knew what he meant by the 'something dumb' part.... and I know he wanted me to tell Gee that I loved him.
But I wanted to do what my heart told me, even if it is something dumb.
But am I hearing my heart correctly, or am I just imagining things and hearing what I want to hear?