A Picture Changed My Life Forever

I woke up on Gerard's lap, in the car, heading to an airport before the sun fucking rose.

I shook my head groggily and forced my eyes open. I leaned on Gee's chest. "Where are we? What happened? Did I die?"

He kissed the top of my head. "Good morning to you too. And no, you didn't die. We're on our way to the airport heading to the place we're gonna have a concert next."

"Oh. Did I pass out or something?"

"No, you're just an incrdibly heavy sleeper."

"Oh." I looked around the car. This wasn't the mini-van. This was a cab. And it seemed like we were following another cab. And behind us was yet another cab. "What happened to the mini-van?" I asked.

"It was rented, remember?"

I smacked my forehead. "Oh, yeah... by the way, I'm sorry for being so forgetful. My mind isn't exactly clear when I just wake up." I looked out the window and leaned my forehead on it. "Especially when I wake up before the fucking sun rises."

He laughed and stroked my hair. "Yeah, we all are."

I looked around the cab. The Torosaurus (Ray) was on the passenger seat and bags were dumped beside Gerard and I who were at the left side.

"Uh, Gee.... Where's everyone else?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

He pointed at the cab in front of us. "Brian and Bob are there, as well as loads of bags" ----next he pointed to the cab behind us---- "and Frank and MIkey are there, behind us with their bags."

"Ah, alright, I get it."

Gee shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I heavy? I could get off your lap, you know," I said. I looked beside me and wished I cut out the last part of that sentence.

"No, you aren't heavy, and even if you wanted to, you can't sit anywhere else. Unless you wanna sit on a bag or on Ray's lap."

"No, I wouldn't like that."

"So you're stuck with me then." He grinned.

"Are you sure I'm not heavy?"

"Yeah."

"Then why are you squirming?"

He groaned and closed his eyes. "Ass pain." He squirmed some more.

"See? I am heavy!" I hissed, careful not wake Ray up.

"No, it isn't you. Back when we were at the hotel, after Frank put you on your bed and packed whatever you had left that wasn't it your bag, I decided to stalk on him, so I scared him from behind him. He screamed and ran smack into me without knowing, I fell on my butt. Hard. Very, very hard. Then we both ended up laughing. I'm surprised you didn't wake up."

I chuckled. "Good excuse!"

He looked at me and grinned. "Yeah, but it's true."

"It is convincing enough...."

"Yeah, you know I don't lie," he said with a completely serious look on his face.

I won't lie too. I love you with the whole of my heart, I thought. I just can't tell you. I felt a tear roll down my cheek silently. All the agony; I couldn't tell him I loved him. I couldn't tell him how much he means to me. I couldn't tell him how much I don't want to lose him. I couldn't tell him that half the reason why I wanted to go on tour with them was to be with him. I couldn't tell him that he was the reason Dana and I fought. I couldn't tell him that he was the reason why I go over all my clothing and check if I look nice in what I was wearing, just so he might take a second look. I couldn't tell him that he was my 'crush from back at California'. I couldn't tell him how comfortable I am with him. I couldn't tell him how much I loved his beautiful hazel eyes. I couldn't tell him the way I felt about him.

Basically, I couldn't tell him that I loved him.

"Hey, hey," he cooed, wiping the tear away with his thumb. "Are you crying?"

"Great job noticing, Captain Obvious," I said, trying to wipe the tearstain away from my face.

"Only because it's you, babe."

"Pansy."

"But everyone loves this pansy."

You're right, Gerard. Everyone does love that pansy.