You Still Love Me Right?
The Doubts
I doubted myself, my feelings for her, what I currently was.
I remember, I had doubted it all before.
I doubted her feelings for me, I doubted my judgement, I was unsure of what I had got myself into.
It had happened before and it was happening again.
I glanced up at my shelves in my room that housed all my figurines.
There was the one she had made me buy.
It was The Corpse Bride and Victor. Victor looked unsure at what he had got himself into, and Emily was looking straight ahead.
I remember that's the way I felt about us.
"So…where was it you wanted to go?" she said, still not looking me in the eye.
"Forbidden Planet."
"Ok, um…where are we…Regent's Street. Right, this way." She led me in what I assumed was the direction of Forbidden Planet. Things hadn't been great between us. I mean, we'd only been together a couple of weeks but she just didn't seem to open up to me. She hid herself behind a mask of neutrality towards me. I had called her three days before, just to check up on the plans for this weekend and it was obvious she was upset. And yet, she wouldn't talk to me about it. She avoided my questions and in the end had to go, which I assumed was her getting out of me asking her about it. I just wanted to make her happy and help cheer her up, but she wouldn't let me.
"Here we go. I don't think it's open yet." We had walked the entire way in silence. It hadn't been far but still, silence.
"Alex…"
"Yeah?"
"Do you…do you even like me? As in, like me like me." She looked at me. Her eyes were confused, upset and regretful, all at the same time, "I…yeah. Of course I do. I wouldn't be here with you if I didn't."
"It's just…you seem so, I don't know. Not here. You never look me in the eye, you're so shy around me it's ridiculous. I don't know what to do. You never open up to me, you treat me like a stranger!" She looked at the ground and I suddenly though I had been too harsh, but before I could apologise, she spoke.
"I'm sorry. I…it's just, I've never been in a relationship before and it scares me. It scares me that it's you as well. Three weeks ago you were some dude on my walls who had helped me through the bad times and now you're here and it's just…argh. The shyness is just me, I'm naturally shy and until I know you better it's gonna stay that way, I can't help it. As for the looking you in the eye…I never do. It's not only you, it's everyone. I can't look people in the eye. It's just a problem I have." I felt so bad, I didn't realise this was her first relationship and that it scared her that much.
"I'm sorry, I shou-"
"No it's fine. Don't worry about it." I tentatively put my arms around her, still slightly worried about her reactions to stuff like this. But she let me, so I pulled her in closer, "Really I am sorry."
"So am I." We stood like that for ten minutes until Forbidden Planet opened and we went in hand in hand.
.
That's all it was.
Doubt.
I remember, I had doubted it all before.
I doubted her feelings for me, I doubted my judgement, I was unsure of what I had got myself into.
It had happened before and it was happening again.
I glanced up at my shelves in my room that housed all my figurines.
There was the one she had made me buy.
It was The Corpse Bride and Victor. Victor looked unsure at what he had got himself into, and Emily was looking straight ahead.
I remember that's the way I felt about us.
"So…where was it you wanted to go?" she said, still not looking me in the eye.
"Forbidden Planet."
"Ok, um…where are we…Regent's Street. Right, this way." She led me in what I assumed was the direction of Forbidden Planet. Things hadn't been great between us. I mean, we'd only been together a couple of weeks but she just didn't seem to open up to me. She hid herself behind a mask of neutrality towards me. I had called her three days before, just to check up on the plans for this weekend and it was obvious she was upset. And yet, she wouldn't talk to me about it. She avoided my questions and in the end had to go, which I assumed was her getting out of me asking her about it. I just wanted to make her happy and help cheer her up, but she wouldn't let me.
"Here we go. I don't think it's open yet." We had walked the entire way in silence. It hadn't been far but still, silence.
"Alex…"
"Yeah?"
"Do you…do you even like me? As in, like me like me." She looked at me. Her eyes were confused, upset and regretful, all at the same time, "I…yeah. Of course I do. I wouldn't be here with you if I didn't."
"It's just…you seem so, I don't know. Not here. You never look me in the eye, you're so shy around me it's ridiculous. I don't know what to do. You never open up to me, you treat me like a stranger!" She looked at the ground and I suddenly though I had been too harsh, but before I could apologise, she spoke.
"I'm sorry. I…it's just, I've never been in a relationship before and it scares me. It scares me that it's you as well. Three weeks ago you were some dude on my walls who had helped me through the bad times and now you're here and it's just…argh. The shyness is just me, I'm naturally shy and until I know you better it's gonna stay that way, I can't help it. As for the looking you in the eye…I never do. It's not only you, it's everyone. I can't look people in the eye. It's just a problem I have." I felt so bad, I didn't realise this was her first relationship and that it scared her that much.
"I'm sorry, I shou-"
"No it's fine. Don't worry about it." I tentatively put my arms around her, still slightly worried about her reactions to stuff like this. But she let me, so I pulled her in closer, "Really I am sorry."
"So am I." We stood like that for ten minutes until Forbidden Planet opened and we went in hand in hand.
.
That's all it was.
Doubt.