Somewhere Under The Influence

“Oi… what the hell happened last night?” I groaned, clutching my head as I stood up. I felt like bombs were going off in my head, but I suppose that’s what I get for partying like I did. I looked around the bus and found it in disarray, with thing strewn everywhere. “What the fuck?” I grumbled, wondering what the hell had happened. Then it hit me, that storm last night! Someone must have left the window open. “Goddammit, Uncle Matty and Aunty Diz are going to fucking kill me for wrecking the bus like this,“ I whined, slowly standing up stiffly and stretching , trying to get out the knots in my muscles.

“Fucking Christ,” Niki grumbled from the floor, slowly sitting up. She squinted and looked up at me. “Please tell me that’s Taylor and not some creepy fucking fan that got on the bus.”

“It’s me Nik,” I laughed. “Do you know what happened?”

“The last thing I remember was me and you coming back to the bus to get some shit with Tuck. Then that storm hit and I forgot everything,” she shrugged. I slowly nodded.

“Alright, so Matt came with us?” I questioned. She nodded and stood up. “Well, I guess we should find him.”

“Hey, that won’t be too hard,” Niki laughed, grabbing a cigarette out of her pack. “Come here Tuck-Tuck! I got a treat for you boy!”

There was some rustling around in the back before the door burst open and my loyal boyfriend flew through the door, quickly taking the cigarette from Niki’s hand and lighting up.

“Thanks Niki, I needed a fag,” he grinned, licking her cheek before inhaling the nicotine. He sighed in contentment as his foot began to tap. I raised my eyebrows.

“You like that?” I chuckled. He nodded happily.

“Yea, but it’s not nearly as good as you,” he smirked. I rolled my eyes. “I do have to ask though, why the hell are you two wearing matching outfits?”

“We are?” I asked, finally taking notice of our clothing. Matt was right. Both Niki and I were wearing extremely short blue and white plaid skirts -literally short to the point where I’m pretty sure you’d get a good glimpse of my ass if I bent over- with a tiny cropped blue and white plaid top that we were nearly popping out of. The only difference I could find was our hair. Niki’s black and blond locks were in braided pigtails that fell over her shoulders, while my hair was simply pulled back into two curly pigtails, obviously too layered to be braided properly.

“Damn, we are,” Niki mumbled, looking up at me and shrugging.

“It’s hot,” Matt nodded.

“Oh hush Tuck,” Niki scowled, making Matt immediately quieted down, putting his proverbial tail between his legs. “Let’s go see what everyone else is up to,” she suggested, “See if their buses are as wrecked as ours.”

I grabbed my sunglasses from the table before following out the door, knowing that I’d most likely have a killer hangover. That didn’t stop my jaw from dropping when I stepped out of the bus though. Colors were bursting everywhere. The town we were in was filled with small, brightly colored houses. And when I say small, I mean small. I had no idea how anyone could fit in them, I know I’d be too tall. Strange plants were growing from the ground, the almost looked like… lollipops.

“Tuck-Tuck,” I said quietly, grabbing Matt’s hand, “I don’t think we’re in Wales anymore.”

“We weren’t in Wales anyway love, we were supposed to stop in Kansas City today,” he chuckled.

“Well then Tuck-Tuck, we sure as hell ain’t in Kansas anymore,” Niki snapped, taking in our surroundings, “They grow wheat, not candy there.”

“Where the fuck are we exactly?” I asked, squealing when I saw legs, that were attached to a rather bloated looking body, sticking out from under the bus. “Oh my God we killed him!”

“Killed who?” Niki asked, redirecting her attention to what I was starting at. “Oh shit! Fucking A! That’s not good!”

Matt moved closer, inspecting the misshapen body. Before shaking his head. “Nah, the bus didn’t kill this guy, it missed,” he told us. I frowned and walked over to him.

“Well then what killed him?”

“Someone fell on him,” he said simply, pointing at what I once thought was an overly large stomach, but now realized was another body. “Looks as if the other person overdosed.”

“Wait!’ I said suddenly, “Is that-”

“Kelly Osbourn?” Niki finished. “Damn, that bitch is even bigger than last time I saw her. No wonder she killed this guy. I’d die too if that landed on me.”

“You’re such a bitch,” Matt chuckled.

“Ay! Remember who gave you that cigarette dammit!” Niki reminded him.

“I love you Niki,” Matt said sweetly, giving her puppy dog eyes. She rolled her eyes and threw him another cigarette before turning to me.

“I hope you realize you’re dating a chain smoker,” she told me. I nodded.

“I’m best friends with one too,” I told her, still looking over the dead body. My eyes ran over something red and I grinned. “Ah! Fucking sweet! Homeboy had red chucks!” I cheered, pulling them off of his body and studying them. “They’re my size too. Jesus this guy had little feet,” I said in shock. Seriously, a guy wearing a six isn’t very impressive. He must use extra small socks.

“Put them on,” a quiet voice said suddenly, making me nearly jump out of my skin. I jumped around to face the voice and was met with quite a site. A woman with auburn red hair stood by a fountain in a stunning light pink ball gown. I raised my eyebrows when I saw the thick wooden wand with a star at the end in her hand. It looked like someone just stuck a star on the end of a drumstick to me. Huh, is it Halloween already.

“Who are you?” I asked quickly, making Niki and Matt take notice of her too. The woman smiled cheerily and took a small bow.

“Why, I’m Rhian, the good witch from across the pond,” she said formally. “And you are in possession of the ruby sneakers. You should put them on, quickly. Before they get here.”

“Before who gets here?” Matt asked as I knelt down to put on the shoes.

“The Wicked Witch of the West Coast and the Monkey Bitch,” she sighed, “They’ll be coming for the ruby sneakers soon. But, if Taylor has them on, they can’t take them from her.”

I didn’t even bother asking how she knew my name, I was more concerned with why there was suckers growing out of the ground and grass made of cotton candy.

“Why would they bother?” Niki asked in amusement, “They’re just red chucks.”

“Because, they offer power and protection to whoever wears them,” Rhian answered just as I finished tying them and stood up. “They look nice with your outfit,” she complimented.

“Thanks. So what’s the deal with the miniature houses and shit?” I asked, looking around, “Does anybody live here?”

“Oh yes, you’re in the land of the munchkins,” she said happily. Niki frowned.

“Munchkins?” she asked. “Like little kids?”

“No silly! Munchkins, like little people!” she laughed. “They’re rather shy when new people come around. The Wicked Witch has tormented them so. But now that you are in possession of the ruby sneakers, they are finally free! Come out my little ones, rejoice in the change of power?”

As soon as the word’s left her mouth, people began to come from everywhere, nearly swarming us all. Most of them only came up to my hips at the most, making me laugh. Though Matt growled a few times when one of the male munchkins saw fit to look up my skirt. They learned to back off after he snapped at a few of them.

“G’day Rhian. Is she the one that set us free?” one of the women asked as she pointed at me. At least I’m assuming she was a woman. It’s hard to tell the difference between women and girls since they’re so short. Rhian gave one nod and then cheers erupted from everywhere as the music kicked up. I laughed as a little band (literally, a little band) began to play Raining Blood by Slayer while another group started a mosh pit. Well, more of a mosh hole, they aren’t big enough for it to qualify as a pit.

“Damn, these little shits know how to party,” I laughed to Niki. She nodded.

“No shit dude! Hey! Look at that one!” she said suddenly, pointing out a metal munchkin with long dark hair. “There’s no way he’s a munchkin! He’s about an inch taller than me!”

“Maybe you’re a munchkin Niki,” Matt tease, making her glare. “Right, I’ll go get him.”

In a matter of moments Matt was back, dragging the oversized munchkin with him.

“Hey mate, what’s your fucking problem?” he snapped as Matt released him. He brushed himself off and glared at Matt, making me chuckle. Niki was right though, this guy was no munchkin. He was at least five foot six and way too muscular. His black hair went down to about his shoulders, and you could see that his left arm was inked and he his lip pierced. He was actually pretty cute.

“You’re not a munchkin,” Niki said sharply. He frowned up at her.

“Who are you to say I’m not a munchkin? I’ve lived here as long as I can remember,” he defended, puffing his chest out slightly.

“You’re too tall to be a munchkin!” Niki laughed, “You’re one of us dude. Just chill with us and we‘ll get you back to people your own size.”

“There are more people that are my size?” he asked in amazement. Niki laughed and nodded.

“Yea, there’s a lot,” she told him, sticking out her hand. “I’m Niki.”

“Jay,” he grinned, shaking her hand.

“Taylor,” Matt said softly, touching my shoulder. “You do realize that we have a show to play in a few hours don’t you?”

My eyes widened. “Shit! You’re right! We’ve got to get out of here!” I yelled, turning to Rhian. “Ummm… Rhian?”

“Yes?” she smiled.

“How do we get out of here? We have a show to play and we can’t be late, the fans will be pissed,” I explained. She smiled sympathetically, opening her mouth to answer before a loud boom cut her off. I jumped and looked up at the sky as two figures descended from it. One of them was a somewhat short man, I think, with wings on his back and a mohawk on his head. And the other had a fedora on their head, hiding their eyes as they road a guitar, stopping between us and Rhian.

“Rhian, where are the sneakers?” the man asked as he got off of his guitar. My eyes widened, I was really not expecting that to be a man.

“You’re two late,” she said wistfully. “They’ve already been claimed. The munchkin’s are no longer under the power of a wicked witch.”

“Wait, that’s the wicked witch?” Niki asked with as shocked look. “He’s pretty damn hot.”

The witch turned around, giving a dangerous smirk as his eyes ran all over Niki, making the not-so-short munchkin step in front of her. Aw, he was getting protective.

“What are you going to do, munchkin?” the thing with the wings laughed.

“Who the fuck are you calling munchkin?” Jay asked, getting up in his face. “You look pretty damn short to me.”

“Hey! Back off, that’s my monkey bitch you’re talking to!” the witch snapped, turning to Niki. “I’m the Wicked Witch of the West Coast, but you can call me Brian,” he said cordially. I watched Jay fidget in irritation out of the corner of my eye, making me laugh.

“Well, hello there Brian,” she smiled, “I’m Niki.”

“Niki, such a beautiful name. I have to ask my dear, do you have the ruby sneakers?” he asked suavely. I rolled my eyes.

“Nah, I’ve got the chucks dude. And I’m not giving them up, I need some kind of shoes to wear until I find the rest of my shit,” I told him. He turned to glare at me.

“You have them on?” he asked angrily. I snorted and nodded.

“Yah, do you think I’m just going to walk around a strange place barefoot? Christ you’re dumb, I could step on a needle or some shit. The last thing is I need a disease from a dirty needle,” I mumbled. He glared.

“Give me the fucking sneakers,” he growled, beginning to get in my face. Matt growled loudly and pushed him back slightly, angering the witch even more. I sighed, looks like I’m going to have to get bitchy with the witch.

“Listen, I don’t have time for this bullshit, I’ve got a show to play later. So if you’d kindly fuck off so I can get out of here, it’d be much appreciated. If not, I have absolutely no problem de-stringing that guitar your weird ass rode in here on,” I said cattily, “You got it?”

He snarled and stepped back, the ring in his nose glinting in the sunlight. “Fine, you’ll get away this time, but be warned… I’ll get you my sexy, and I’ll get in your friends pants too! Come on Johnny!”

In a huff both the witch and his monkey bitch flew off, causing the munchkins to rejoice yet again. I groaned. I really need to get out of here. If we’re late again we’ll be in deep shit with the tour manager. My eyes scanned the waist high crowd for Rhian, but I found that she was no longer there. Shit… I guess I’m asking the munchkins for some help.

“Hey Jay,” I said suddenly, turning to him.

“Yup?” he asked, taking his eyes off of Niki to look at me.

“Is there any way out of this place. Like, so we can get back where we came from?” I asked quietly. He looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding.

“Only one way I know of, and it’s somewhat of a long shot.”

“Anything, just give me a way and I can make it work. We just need to get out of here,” I said quickly. He sighed and looked around, making sure no one was listening but he and I.

“You’ll have to ask the Wizard,” he nearly whispered. I frowned.

“The Wizard?” I asked, “Didn’t he just run off in a huff?”

“No, no, no. That’s the witch,” he groaned. “The Wizard is the mightiest being in the Land Of Oz. He’s the only one that would be able to get you back.”

“Ok, so can we talk to him?” I asked. By now Niki and Matt had come over and were listening to the conversation.

“Well not right now. You’ve got to go to the Jaded City to talk to him.”

“Vegas?” Niki asked in confusion. Matt rolled his eyes.

“We’re in Oz Nik, not the US,” he reminded her. She rolled her eyes.

“Whatever.”

“How do we get to the Jaded City Jay?” I asked, after glaring at Matt and Niki so they’d stop their bickering.

“You’ll have to follow the Golden Riff Road,” he told me, “It will take you right to it.”

“Follow the Golden Riff Road?” Niki said with a scrunched up face. Suddenly all of the noise and celebration of the munchkins stopped and they looked over at us. Jay groaned, making Niki look over at him. “I didn’t do anything bad did I?” she asked in a worried tone. He shook his head and offered her a small smile.

“No, they’re just going to burst into song now,” He said in a slightly irritated voice.

“Follow the Golden Riff Road! Follow the Golden Riff Road! Follow, follow, follow, follow the Golden Riff Road!” the entire town of munchkins began to sing seconds later. My eyes widened as they continually repeated the same words over, and over, and over, and over. No fucking wonder Jay sounded annoyed.

“Bloody hell,” Matt grumbled, “Is it possible to shut them up?”

Jay sighed and shook his head. “No, they’ll go on for fucking hours. It’s like this is their job. You’ll just want to get out of here before they bring out the Lollipop Gang.”

“Lollipop Gang?” I chuckled. “It sounds like a Porn company!”

“Hmph, I wish. It’s a group of munchkin men that sing and dance with lollipops. It’ll drive you up the fucking wall. So you guys will probably want to get going,” he said softly, looking at Niki sadly. Aww… he liked her. And the poor guy is stuck here with a bunch of little people. We can’t just leave him.

“Niki,” I said quietly, as Jay gave Matt directions.

“What?” she asked, ripping her eyes from Jay. Ah, so it was mutual attraction.

“You should suggest that Jay goes with us. That way he doesn’t have to stay here with the munchkins.”

“I should, shouldn’t I?” she grinned, apparently liking the idea. I chuckled and nodded. “Hey Jay,” she said, interrupting his conversation with Matt.

“Yea?” he asked, smiling up at her.

“Why don’t you just come with us and show us the way, since Tuck-Tuck doesn’t know his way around Oz? Then you could come back with us?” she suggested, batting her eyelashes. I had to hold back a laugh, she really wanted him to go.

“Hey I kno-”

“Hush Matt,” I laughed, still watching the interaction between Niki and Jay.

“I don’t know…” he said a little reluctantly, though it was easy to tell he liked the idea.

“Oh come on! You won’t have to witness the Lollipop Gang,” Niki said enticingly. “And I’ll be there.”

Jay bit his lip and nodded. “Alright, fine, I’ll go. But let’s hurry, I can already see them getting out the stage.”

“So you’re taking us?” Niki said with an elated smile. He grinned at her and nodded.

“I could never turn down a pretty lady.”

“So I hate to break up the love fest, but Niki, we’ve really got to go. We have to be onstage at seven tonight,” I reminded her. She broke her eye contact with Jay and looked at me, a goofy grin covering her face.

“Oh, right, yea. Let’s go.”