Somewhere Under The Influence

Taylor’s POV

“You know, I’m surprised, I actually thought it would be harder than that to get the golden pick,” I laughed as we neared the gates to the Jaded City again. The Witch’s place actually wasn’t too far from the city, I wasn’t expecting that. Just a short trip through a cigarette forest and a short wade through Whiskey River, as Jay called it. Though it probably seemed too far for poor Moose, Niki wouldn’t speak to him for the first half of the walk, and when she did, she was yelling at him.

She was still pissed that he accidentally melted the Wicked Witch Of The West Coast.

Jay had managed to calm her down though. We had to make a short ‘pit stop’ in the middle of one of the thicker forests so Jay and Niki could ‘talk privately’. Now I didn’t hear a whole lot of talking, but I did here what could either be some Oz animal’s mating calls, or Jay and Niki’s… well, mating calls…

Needless to say, I was thankful that that forest was thick, because I really had no need to see that shit.

However, they’re cool now, thank God. I was tired of listening to Niki bitch. Moose had given her a bottle of Jack and they had called it even.

“I don’t see why someone would need a damn golden pick anyway,” Zacky grumbled. “Seems like a show-offy thing to me.”

“He could show off if he wanted,” Niki argued, “He was fucking hot.”

I sent her a stern look after I saw jealousy cross Jay’s face. Christ, she is so untactful.

“Exactly, was,” Matt pointed out, “He’s pudding now.”

Niki glared. “Go lick your ass TuckTuck.”

“Children play nice,” I laughed, squeezing Matt’s hand. He smiled down at me and pecked my lips.

“Well tell your fucking boyfr-”

“Jay, will you shut her up?” I nearly begged. He grinned and nodded, attaching his lips to her neck. I giggled as Niki’s words slowly died off.

“Hey Taylor?”

“Yea Jimmy?” I asked, looking back at his stoned expression. Actually, you know, I’m really starting to think it’s not just an expression, it’s just his face. He’s in a like, perma-stone phase.

“Do you really think the Wiz’ll give me a new brain?”

I stopped and looked at him. He had a dazed expression on, still, with bloodshot eyes, and a joint between his lips. I raised my eyebrows and sighed.

“Well, I doubt he could make you any worse,” I said optimistically. Jimmy gave me a dopey smile before hugging me tightly. Good Lord you could smell the weed on him!

“Thanks Taylor, you’re such a nice person!”

Even I heard Niki snort at that one. Not that I could blame her. It’s not often that someone tells me I’m nice. I sort of tend to be a bitch. But hey, I’m fun!

“So I see you actually managed to get the pick?”

I jumped as Padge appeared, just before the gates of the Jaded City. He really needs to quit doing that. I jump every damn time, and I’m not paranoid.

“Did you honestly doubt us?” I asked, an eyebrow raised in challenge. He rolled his eyes at me before turning to the rest of the group.

“Well, are you all ready to go see the Wizard?”

“You have no idea,” Moose sighed, beginning to move towards the door. Padge raised an eyebrow.

“Did I tell you to go in yet?” he asked sharply. Moose’s eyes widened and he immediately stepped back.

“My bad,” he mumbled, looking terrified. I sighed and patted his shoulder.

“Christ we need to get you some balls.”

“You can say that again,” Padge mumbled. “Follow me.”

He led us down that same hallway again and into the room with the flames that weren’t hot. Yea, it was fucking awesome and crazy the first time, but now I’m a little bored with it. We need to get back quick, before we missed our show.

“I AM THE-”

“You’re the Wizard Oz, yea, yea, yea, we know,” Niki said in a bored tone.

“Wha? You li’le shits again? I thou’ I sent you to get that golden dick?”

“Pick!” Padge corrected loudly as we all sniggered. “You sent them to get the golden pick. You know, the thing that you strum a guitar with!”

“Oh, yea, righ’. I thou’ I sent you to get the golden pick?” the wizard slurred. You’d think if he was so damn mighty he’d fix his speech impediment.

“We already have it,” I sighed, holding it up to make sure his ass could see it.

“Alre’ey? ‘ow in the bloody ‘ell did you manage that?”

“We found the wizard’s weakness,” Niki smirked. Jay grumbled slightly, but smile when she kissed him on the cheek. “Can we have our wishes now?”

“Wha’ wishes?” he asked.

“Um, the wishes that you told us you would grant,” Matt said slowly. “Like sending Taylor, Niki, and I back, and letting Jay come. And giving Jimmy a new brain, and Zacky a heart, and Moose some courage.”

“I said I’d do that?” the wizard asked himself. “Padge, did I say I would do that?”

“Yea boss, you did,” Padge sighed, “After you told them to get the golden pick that you didn’t think they’d ever get.”

“See, so will you grant our wishes now?” Zacky asked him. The wizard began to laugh hysterically.

“I can’t grant no bloody wishes! “

Even Padge gaped at that one. Apparently we weren’t the only one under the impression that he could. I clenched my jaw as I felt my temper flare up.

“No! You said you would grant our fucking wishes! So guess what mother fucker! You’re going to fucking grant them!” I screamed, stomping past Padge towards the small structure that the wizard appeared to be in. Padge jumped after me.

“Ay! You can’t go back there!” he yelled. I snapped around and glared.

“Fucking watch me,” I growled. His eyes widened and he stepped back, looking over to everyone else.

“Does she have anger issues?” he asked. Niki smirked.

“Sug, you have no fucking idea. She’ll rip that phony fucking wizard apart,” she laughed. Padge turned to Matt with a confused look.

“How do you deal with her?” he asked. Matt grinned.

“She’s fun,” he answered simply. Niki laughed and passed him a cigarette.

“There you go TuckTuck.”

“Alright mother fucker, it’s time to pay your debts,” I growled as I flung open the door, staring at the man I found inside. Boy was he not what I expected.

People said he was a powerful wizard, so I pictured either a big buff guy, or a puny uber geek. Instead, I got a guy that was in his sixties probably, with long black hair with a red streak or two and round glasses. He looked like a fucking hippy! And I’m pretty sure he was more out of his mind than Jimmy. No wonder the mother fucker kept slurring. He’s fucking blazed out of his mind.

“You’re shitting me,” I mumbled, grabbing his shirt and pulling him out for everyone to see. “Alright cockbite, you’d better improvise some wish grants, other wise I’m going to have to kick your fucking ass.”

“’ow can I im’rovise wishes?” he asked me. I shrugged.

“I don’t know, but you’d best be figuring it out, because we got you that damn golden pick, and I had to get dragged by a fucking guitar fifty feet in the fucking air to do it!” I boomed. He looked up at me with wide eyes.

“Yur a bloody crazy ‘ucking bitch!” he barked back. I grinned.

“Why the fuck do you think I’m in metal?” I asked. He sighed and looked over at anyone.

“A’righ’ le’s see if I can come up with some… Padge!”

“What?” Padge sighed.

“Wha’s tha’ word that star’s with an essss an it means some’ing that solves some’ing?” he asked, looking at Padge from over the glasses. Padge rolled his eyes.

“A solution?” he suggested. The Wizard nodded.

“Yea, solusssshhhun. Now ‘oo’s first?”

Niki nudged Zacky forward. He jumped and looked up. “Uh, I guess I will. Um… my girlfriend stole my heart, and now I want a new one.”

The Wizard looked at him oddly. “Ya can’t get a new ‘eart ya bloody moron. Ya just got to get o’er the dumb ‘itch. Move on, change locations. Fin’ a new groupie.”

“Oh, alright,” Zacky said quietly, stepping back into the group. Moose stepped forward next.

“Well, my ex is trying to kill me, and I’m too scared to stand up to her. Can you give me some courage?” he asked. The Wizard scoffed.

“Jus’ grow some balls man! Tell the ‘itch to fuck off! ‘at or leave. Jus’ get rid of ‘er,” he shrugged. “Next!”

Jimmy stumbled up next, nearly falling on his ass. He straightened up and laughed, finding what had happened highly amusing. The Wizard looked him up and down.

“Whadda you wan’? Ya look pre’y damn ‘appy to me.”

“Nah man, I’m stoned,” Jimmy grinned. “I want a new brain. All the drugs have ruined mine.”

“Wha’ the ‘ell do ya wan’ one of them for?” the Wizard asked. “My brain ‘asn’t ‘orked in years. But I’m happy.”

Jimmy frowned, thinking his wish wouldn’t be granted. Padge sighed and plucked the joint out of his fingers.

“Just stay away from the drugs mate, you’ll start to think again,” he told him, taking a puff from the joint. Jimmy either really wanted to think, or was too high to argue because he just nodded happily and stepped back into the group.

“A’right, wha’ about the rest of ya?” the wizard asked, looking at Niki, Jay, Matt, and I.

“Well, Taylor, Matt, and I have to get back home to play a show,” Niki told him. “We were hoping you could help.”

“Wha’ ‘bout the munchkin?” he asked, pointing at Jay, who immediately puffed his chest out.

“Hey! I’m not a mun-”

“He’s coming with us,” I answered quickly, trying to get this over with. “Now can you just figure out how to get us home?”

“’ow the ‘ell am I going to do that?” he asked us. “I’ve been stuck ‘ere for for’y years!”

“Stuck here? As in you aren’t originally from here?” I asked quickly. He shook his head.

“No, my surfboard got tur’ed around an I ended up ‘ere,” he shrugged.

“Did you try to ride your surfboard back?” Niki asked slowly. He shook his head.

“’y wou’ I? ’ere’s fields of fu’ing weed here!”

“You know, I’m starting to think Jimmy is this dude’s bastard child,” Matt mumbled in my ear, making me giggle. I sighed and looked at the pathetic excuse of a wizard in front of me.

“Well, could we use your surfboard then? See if it will get us home ?” I asked. He shrugged.

“Eh, take it an leave me ‘lone,” he grumbled. “Padge, get ‘em the boar’.”

“Alright,” Padge sighed, and walked into the little room the wizard had been hiding in before coming out with an unbelievably large surfboard. He handed it to Matt and Jay. “There you go.”

“Someone want to show us where the water is?” Niki asked. The wizard opened his mouth to speak but Padge cut him off.

“I know, I know. ‘Padge! ‘ake ‘em to the beach!’” Padge slurred, imitating the wizard as he rolled his eyes. He turned to us and sighed. “Let’s go.”

So our group marched through the Jaded City, getting all kinds of odd stares as we did so. I don’t see why these freaks were staring at us. I mean hell, one bitch was changing colors as she walked, and I saw a couple of kids with stripes and polka dots all over them.

Finally we came to a beach. At least that’s what I think it was. The water looked like orange Kool Aid, and the sand looked like it came from a purple pixie stick. Dolphins jumped out of the water with paisley patterns all over them. And the palm trees looked like they were made of neon lights.

“Fucking awesome,” I laughed, staring at the odd sights. Padge stopped and turned to all of us.

“Well, here you are. You’ll want to hurry though, before the surf dies down and you’re stuck here.”

“Alright then, I guess we’ll go,” Niki sighed, looking at the new friends that had joined us for our journey. “Fuck, I’m actually going to miss you freaks.”

“I will too,” I smiled, hugging Zacky, who was the closest to me. He smiled and hugged me back a little longer than necessary, though he let go when Matt let out a low growl. “You’ll find a new girl, trust me,” I told him. He moved on to Niki while I hugged Moose next. “Don’t let the crazy bitch push you around, you hear?”

“I won’t,” he grinned, shaking Matt and Jay’s hands. I felt someone wrap their long arms around me and lift me off the ground.

“Jimmy, I can’t breath!” I laughed, hugging him back and patting his head. “You stay away from drugs, ok? Gain some brain cells back.”

“Will do,” he nodded, though he still had his dopey smile. I sighed, I’m not sure there’s any hope for him.

“Time for you guys to go,” Padge said as he pushed the four of us onto the surfboard. I turned around and smiled.

“Thanks Padge.”

He frowned. “Would you quit being nice to everyone. It’s fucking creepy,” he told me as he began to shove the surfboard of after we had all loaded on. We were nearly home free when I heard something that ruined it all.

“JAGER! GET YOUR JAGER!”

My eyes locked with Niki’s, we both knew what was coming.

“TuckTuck,” she said in a warning tone, but it was too late. Matt had jumped off the surfboard and headed for the vendor.

“Matt!” I yelled, jumping off and following him. As I did so, I gave the surfboard the extra push it needed to launch itself into the water. I watched in horror as Niki and Jay took off in the waves, leaving Matt and I behind.

“Taylor!” Niki screamed. “Fuck! I’m gonna kill TuckTuck!”

I smiled sadly, well, she would if she would ever see us again. I sighed and fell onto the beach, tears leaking out of my eyes. Matt must have sensed something was wrong with me because he abandoned the liquor and came to sit by me.

“Taylor, what’s wrong?” he asked, wrapping his arms around me. I sent him an incredulous look.

“What’s wrong? My best friend just took off on a giant surfboard to get home to play the show that you and I are supposed to be at too! We’re stuck here Matt! And I just want to go home!” I sniffed, my lip trembling. Sure, this place was fun at first, but I really wanted to go back to my bus. Back to my band, and my friends, and fuck, even my crazy ass family! “And Auntie Diz and Uncle Matty will have no idea where I am. I just want to go home!”

By now all of our friends from Oz had crowded around. Jimmy’s dazed smile actually dropping for a look of sympathy. Zacky smiled sadly at me and Moose offered me a bottle of Jack.

“It always helps me,” he grinned. I gave him a half hearted smile and shook my head.

“Thanks, but I don’t feel like drinking,” I said quietly.

Fuck, even Padge looked sympathetic!

Matt sighed and nuzzled his face into my neck. “I’m sorry love, that damn Jager gets me every time,” he apologized. I sniffled and patted his head.

“It’s alright Matt, at least I’ll have you.”

“Well why don’t you just wish yourself home?” a familiar voice said. I turned around, thinking I must be mistaken. However, Rhian was in fact there, drumstick wand and all.

“Damn,” Padge and Jimmy mumbled together. I rolled my eyes and looked up at Rhian.

“What do you mean wish myself home?” I asked her. She smiled brightly. She does that a lot.

“Well, you have the ruby sneakers. Just click your heals together and say ‘I wish I was on tour’. If you truly want to be there, you’re wish will come true,” she explained. I gave her an odd look.

“Are you telling me that that’s all I have to do?” I asked slowly. She nodded happily. “Then why the fuck did you send me to talk to a fucking stoned ass wizard that can’t do shit?!” I screamed. It didn’t phase her at all. She just giggled.

“Taylor, just think about the spiritual journey you’ve been on. Now, hurry up or you’ll be late for your show,” she told me. I sighed and stood up, taking Matt’s hand in mine. This had better work, because if this is just someone trying to punk me I’ll be cracking skulls.

“I wish I was on tour,” I said in an unsure voice as I clicked my heels together. I expected to hear laughter, but there was known. I let out a breath and continued clicking my heals. “I wish I was on tour. I wish I was on tour. I wish I was on tour. I wish I was on tour. I wish I was on tour. I wish I was on tour…”

I groaned and clutched at my head. “Fucking hell,” I whined, wondering why my back hurt so badly. I looked around, trying to figure out why I would be so sore. I suppose the fact that Matt and I fell asleep on a surfboard in the middle of the bus would be a good reason for me to be sore. I jumped up. “Bus! I’m on the bus! I’m back on tour!” I cheered, bouncing up and down. Matt sat up, giving me an odd look, as well as everyone else on the bus.

“Taylor, what the bloody hell are you talking about?” he asked, scratching his head and watching as I bounced off the walls in glee.

“I’m back! We’re back! We came back!” I yelled, throwing my arms in the air in excitement. Until I noticed a couple of missing people. “Wait, where’s Niki and Jay?” I asked, fear clenching my chest. What if they hadn’t made it back?! Were they lost in the sea of Kool Aid?!

“Taylor…” Johnny said in a warning voice. I didn’t listen though. I immediately ran to her bunk, praying my best friend would be in there. I flung her curtain open and stuck my head in.

“Niki are you-Whoa!” I mumbled, pulling my head back out. Yea, Niki was definitely in there. And so was Jay.

And Brian.

“What the hell bitch?” Niki groaned, sticking her head out. I felt someone tug on my hands and pull me back into the front of the bus. Matt chuckled and pulled me down onto his lap.

“Taylor is spazzing out,” Rhian sighed. “You might want to come out here.”

I heard Niki groan. “Alright, let me uncuff these two. We’ll get dressed and be right out.”

“Alright, now what’s wrong with you?” Rhian asked as she sat down on the couch. I smiled at her, thank God she was our manager. She kept us sane.

“I was in Oz! And you were there! You were a good witch. A-and Zacky! Zacky, you were a tin man because you ex broke your heart! And Padge! You worked for the wizard!”

“Wizard?” Padge asked. I didn’t answer him though. I kept going.

“And Jimmy! You were the scarecrow for the field of weed! And you wanted a better brain! Moose was a cowardly Moose because your psycho was after you! And Shadows! You were a tree!”

“I was a tree?” he asked slowly. I nodded.

“Yes! You were a tree and Ma- Nevermind,” I mumbled, deciding it was probably best he didn’t know about that part. I looked over as Jay, Niki, and Brian joined us. “Jay! You were a munchkin!”

“Ah, real funny Taylor. Let’s make fun of the short one,” he grumbled. Johnny snorted.

“Ha! Jay’s a munchkin!”

“And you were Brian’s Monkey Bitch!” I said excitedly. That shut Johnny up really quick. “And Brian was the Wicked Witch of the West Coast! And the Wizard was-”

“Oi! You li’le shits rea’y to go on stage or wha’?” was slurred from the doorway of the bus.

“Yea Oz, we’ll be out in a few minutes,” Niki called, turning to the rest of our band. “You got your shit tuned?”

“Yea, we’re good Nik,” Derrick laughed. “I still can’t believe we got on a tour produced by Ozzy fucking Osbourn. It’s fucking legendary!”

“Yea I know,” she laughed before turning to me. “You back in your right mind Sug?”

“Yea, we’re out of Oz, I’m good!” I laughed. Moose snorted.

“We’re still in Oz love. We’re playing Sydney tonight, remember?”

My face fell. Well hell, we were in Oz all along. No wonder the munchkins had an Australian accent.

“Alright, all of you, off the bus!” Rhian yelled, shooing us all off. “Acquired Taste has to get on in ten minutes!”

Niki stopped me before we got off the bus though. “You know, I had the same dream,” she said quietly. My eyes widened.

“You did?!”

“Yea, and I can tell you now, that’s the last time we drop acid then watch the Wizard Of Oz,” she mumbled. I glared at the stash that remained on the counter.

“Fuck that shit, I quit!” I chuckled. “Now, ready to go rock out?”

“Fuck yea girl!” She laughed.

“I have a new song idea though,” I told her. She raised her eyebrow and I told her.

“I fucking love it!”

I toyed with the microphone as Niki took a drink of water. The last song had her screaming a lot, so she had to re-hydrate.

“Alright fuckers. You know that we like to occasionally do covers, so we thought we’d do one for you today,” I smiled into the crowd. I paused for a second, waiting for the applause to die down. “It’s a little different though. We had to make in a little more of our style, but we think you’ll enjoy it. Boys, kick in the music.”

Guitars wailed as the drum beat kicked in. Niki and I both swayed to the music a bit before beginning the song that now had much more meaning to us.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?