When Night Falls

Here Without You - 3 Doors Down
It would be good if you would listen to this while reading this chapter. (: Thanks

-Ryan’s POV-

Mistakes.

One after the other.

That was all I seemed to be making these days.

Me and my temper.

Me and my big mouth.
I sighed.

I shouldn’t have said those stuff, most of which I hadn’t meant to say.

I knew that.

But Christine didn’t.
Out of fury, out of concern… I had simply just lost my head.

How could she be so rash? How could she put herself in such danger?
She was so unselfish, altruistic.

The thought of her being hurt was… agonizing. And I had snapped.

The phone call she made had ripped me apart instantly… The glaring possibility that I could lose her any second was agonizing; the thought that I might never be able to look into those beautiful orbs again... The insane, uncontrollable, stabbing regret that I should have kept her by my side, kept her safe... intensified with each second I took to get to her side …

I didn’t think…and I hurt her.

I had said the worst things that one could even dream of saying to someone he loved.

I was a jerk.

It wasn’t going to be easy to win back her trust in me again, not to mention earn her forgiveness.

How could I even think that it was possible, when I had utterly broken her heart?

But I had to try, at least.

I headed into the classroom, sweeping my gaze across the room.

I froze.

“Of course.” I thought bitterly.

I headed towards the back as usual, greeting Amanda, who was now sitting at Christine’s seat.

“Hi, Amanda.” She nodded, a small smile gracing her lips. She beckoned to the front, where Christine was now sitting beside Michael.

“Sorry about this, Ryan, but Christine wanted to swap seats with me…” I watched as Christine visibly stiffened at the mention of her name, even though the classroom was pretty noisy. She could probably hear our conversation, thanks to her sharp hearing. “So…”

“It’s okay.” I nodded. “I understand.”

I picked up the blue jacket that was now sitting, neatly folded on my desk. I fingered the note that came along with it, two words written on it – “Thank you” and I folded it in half, before pocketing it. I shook out the jacket, and slipped it on. It smelled like her. The sweet, foresty scent washed over me like a wave crashing on rocks. The realization that it was possibly the closest that I could ever get to her again was overwhelming, and the colossal grief that came over me was indescribable...

“Ryan?”

I turned to Amanda.

She hesitated.

“Did you guys have a fight?” I frowned at her words.

Was that called a fight? I didn’t know what that was considered.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” She said quickly, mistaking the frown on my face for more than just confusion. “It’s just that…”

“No, it’s okay.” I answered softly. “Yea, I guess you could say that we had a fight.”

I could feel her confusion and her concern as her gentle, brown eyes watched me.

I gave her a reassuring smile – well, at least I hoped it look reassuring. It took all my willpower just to piece together that smile that looked probably more like a grimace.

She looked taken aback for a moment.

Woah. He’s cute. But he looks as though he’s not really smiling…

She shook her head, as though clearing her mind.

“Don’t worry about it. She’ll be back soon.” She said softly.

I shook my head.

No she wouldn’t…

She looked at me quizzically.

“It’s my fault,” I admitted. “And she’s not willing to listen to my apologies.”

My gaze flitted ahead, and I watched as Christine slumped over her books in her seat, pushing in her earphones as she turned her I-pod on.

Yup, she definitely isn’t willing.

“Don’t give up,” Amanda encouraged. “I’m sure she’ll listen to you one day.”

I nodded, trying to keep the skeptical look off my face.

It had been a week since I had entered the classroom and found that Christine had swapped seats with Amanda, and that Amanda was now my new Biology partner.

I had tried to talk to Christine – but she downright refused to listen to me. Despite my numerous pitiful attempts to talk to her and hopefully gain her forgiveness, she continued to avoid me like the plague.

If I tried to even approach her before class, she would push in her earphones, switch on her I-pod and close her eyes, pretending she was catching some rest. If I tried to sit with her during Lunch, she would murmur some excuse and run away, leaving her lunch behind. It wasn’t long before I would excuse myself the moment I saw her getting up from the table in another attempt to run away. I was concerned with the prospect of her going hungry. Having to deal with me was enough for the day. She didn’t turn up for training sessions anymore. On the days she worked, I would keep myself near her, protecting her till she got home. I kept myself hidden; making sure that she never realized my presence.

The sick sensation of jealousy grew as I watched her at work, or in class, laughing and joking with Connors. I envied him, for being able to talk to her… and for just being able to be near her. He was almost always with her, and recently, I knew that he would sit with her during lunch after I fled her lunch table. If it weren’t for the fact that he liked her, I would have been grateful that he was keeping her company.

It was torture, being so near her, yet so far away from her. The gnawing sensation at the pit of my stomach grew with each day, leaving me exhausted, helpless and devastated. She was a drug, my drug… and I was suffering the withdrawal effects.

I never imagined that losing her this way would be so excruciating, so intolerable.