Where'd You Go?

The sky was a clear, light blue, puffs of white scattered. An occasional bird flew by overhead, its cry being one of the few sounds heard. Green blades of grass were pricking at my arms and neck, but it was something I got used to. My hands were behind my head, and I let out a sigh.

I was thinking about you again.

I could always imagine you lying beside me, our arms brushing shyly, as though we weren’t married. Like we were a pair of friends who secretly liked each other, unbeknownst that the other likes you back in that same way.

I miss you so much.

Why’d you have to go? You didn’t even tell me. I had picked up that letter, and I saw who it was from. I thought it was something unimportant, but I opened it.

When I read that you were being deployed to Iraq, you have no idea how much you hurt me.

What were you waiting for?

I still can’t believe you wouldn’t have told me sooner.

That month went by so, so fast. I wish I could go back in time, and stay there. Before everything got fucked up like it did.

I love you so much. I still wear that gold band around my third finger; if people flirt, I tell them I’m taken. I tell them you’re fighting a war for us all. I’ll wait by the phone for hours, waiting to just hear your voice. Even if it’s for a mere minute or two; if I know you’re alive, I’ll sleep a little more easily. When you don’t call, I worry. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.

You didn’t need to do this. You could’ve found another way to help others, Gee.

That's your nature though, and I wouldn’t want you any other way.

But I still miss you.

I wandered out to get the mail, waving a hello to the mailman as he went to the next house. I peered inside, and found a handful of stuff.

Weird NJ, junk mail, bills, junk mail…

U.S. Army? What?

Curiosity taking over me, I wandered inside, placed the rest of the mail on the table, and opened the white envelope. When I read over what it said, I dropped it, Bella running over, sniffing the paper. I leaned against the wall, sliding down, my head in my hands. I sat there, sobbing.

Then you ran over when you heard Bella bark. You saw me in tears, and looked at the letter on the ground. You picked it up, skimmed it with those beautiful honey eyes, and pulled me up gingerly to my feet.

“Frankie, Frankie, please, let me explain—“

“Explain what?!” I screamed, my vision blurred by the salty substance. “You weren’t even going to tell me!” I accused you, not processing what I was saying until it left my lips. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? Why, Gerard?!”

You tried to pull me into the safety of your arms, but I pushed you away, storming out the front door onto the porch, sobbing audibly.

“Frank, calm down, listen to me for a sec—“ You tried calming me down, with that soothing voice of yours that always worked. I wouldn’t listen to you.

“What about Jenna? What will we tell her, Gerard?” I demanded, my shouts carrying to the next few yards, causing a neighbor picking weeds from her flowers to look up, wondering what all the commotion was about.

“I was going to sit you down and tell you, and I thought we could work something out, Frank.”

“She’s our daughter, Gerard. She’s only six, she needs both parents!” I told you, trying to get you to stay. I didn’t want you to leave us. Jenna was at Mikey’s, and I didn’t want him to drop her off, only to learn his brother was leaving to Iraq.

“Frank, I know, but—“

“No, you don’t!”

“Frank! I’m doing this for us! I thought, of all people, you would understand!” You finally lost your patience with me, raising the volume of your voice to a shout. I winced a little at your temper. “I was hoping that’d you understand that this is for us, and for everyone else—“

“Who else, Gerard?” I cried, finally collapsing into the sanctuary of your embrace. You took a deep breath, calming yourself, and wrapped your strong, loving arms around me as I cried and cried and cried into your chest, the shower of tears not stopping.

“Dad?” A quiet, sing-song voice came from a foot or two away.

“Yes, Jenna?” I replied, and a petite figure came and lied down beside me, curling up to my side.

“When’s Gee coming home?” Our ten year-old asked. I took my right arm and wrapped it around her, placing a light kiss on her head.

“Three months, honey.” I heard her sniff, and I knew she was going to start crying. She loves you too, Gerard. We both miss you, so, so much.

When you’re home, it feels like time goes by so fast. When you’re not here, it feels like forever.

Please come back home.