Losing Grip.

“You’re what?” I questioned, blankly.

“I’m going to Manchester University in September!” Ian yelped, breathlessly. He paused.
“Sean, what’s wrong? Aren’t you pleased?” He sounded a little hurt.

I snapped into action immediately.

“Course I am! Well done love.” I couldn’t tell if I meant the words or not.

“I’m just so happy,” Ian burbled, “I thought I’d fucked up the interview and that I wasn’t gonna be able to…” He talked for a while whilst I stared at cracks in my wall, waiting for him to finish.

“…So it’s gonna be really cool!” He exclaimed.
“Cool.” I hoped that didn’t sound as flat as it felt.

“Um, Ian?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“What happened to going to Cardiff Uni?”

“Well, I was thinking about going there but I think it’d be cool to get further away, you know?” he mused.

“Right, no point staying here I guess,” I mumbled.

“Yeah… what are you up to?”

“Nothing.”

“Is your mum in?”

“Yeah, but she’ll probably go to Gary’s in a bit.”

“Cool, so… shall I come over, yeah?”
“Yeah, do.” My words probably came out far too eager for my own good but it was too late to take them back now. Ian chuckled.

“Okay, babe, I’ll see you in a bit.”

I held loosely onto the phone. I heard the line click as he left. I could hear my mum pottering around downstairs. I heard the door go as Gary came in. I heard them talking… but it was almost like listening to a radio with really poor reception. It was like listening to something with static. Everything was vague and almost indecipherable. I couldn’t focus, or maybe I just didn’t want to.

But then but then but then longer than I thought must have passed because there were sudden footsteps up the stairs and then my bedroom door was flung open and oh oh oh…

…there he was. Ian. Ian Watkins. And all of a sudden everything lurched sharply into focus and I realised what he had told me. He was leaving. He was leaving town. He was leaving me.

And as soon as my brain processed that fact, something stupid happened to my legs and they turned to jelly. I fell to the floor and landed in a heap at Ian’s feet. He dropped down to me abruptly.

“Sean!” He said, alarmed. “Are you okay?”

I looked up at him, into his beautiful green eyes and never wanted to look away. He found my hand with his and squeezed it.

“Sean…”

“Ian,” I mumbled. He smiled.

“I love you.” He smiled as I said it, and then shook his head, chuckling.
“You must be concussed.”

He pulled me to my feet and carefully sat me down next to him on the bed. He kept holding onto my hand, stroking it occasionally. Eventually my senses returned to normal and I looked at him, grinning sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He poked me in the forehead. “You big twat.”

I smiled widely and wrapped my arms around his waist, snuggling into him. He laughed at me but wrapped his arms around me nevertheless, and stroked his fingers through my pale hair.

“Did you have a good day?” He asked.

“Okay, not bad.” I shrugged my shoulders as I let the words fall from my mouth. Ian shook his head above me.
“C’mon babe, I know when you aren’t telling the truth.”

I supposed that was true enough. He was one of the only people I was completely honest with, well… the only person I was completely honest with, I suppose. It was one of the many reasons I loved him.

“Well, you could say it sucked, a bit.”

“Sucked a bit? C’mon boy, that doesn’t make sense! It sounds like a prostitute who forgets what he’s supposed to be doing halfway through!”
I laughed at his cheap joke.

“Spill,” He urged me, twisting my hair gently around his index finger.

“Some guys in PE were saying some stuff again,” I muttered.

“Stuff? And what do you mean, again?”

“You know, about… about me and… you.”

I felt and heard Ian sigh heavily.

“They usually do. It’s just a little dig, here and there, just a few words. It’s usually fine…”

“It isn’t fine, Sean! They have no right to do that,” Ian fumed, letting go of my hair and sitting me upright.

“I just…” I bit my lip. “I just don’t want to cause a fuss.”

Ian smiled in an exasperated sort of way. He looked at me for a few seconds and a smile broke on his face again. He traced his index finger from my forehead down my face, eventually curving onto my lips and gently running his finger across them.

Ian gently took his finger away and leant towards me. I could feel the heat from his mouth before it touched mine. His lips pushed into mine, moulding our mouths into a kiss. I smiled and he brought his bands back to my hair again, playing with it in the way that he knew I liked so much.

We broke apart and sat forehead to forehead for a few seconds. I couldn’t stop myself from grinning and he was pretty smiley too. He ran his index and middle finger up my arm and to my neck, gently stroking circles there. I bit my lip, blissfully.

“Sean…”

“Yeah?”

His eyes were intense. I wondered what he would say... I tried not to let my imagination run away with itself, but it seems to do that whether I want it to or not.
“I love you more than anything! Stay with me forever…” I imagined him saying.
Instead, what he actually said was:

“I’m kind of hungry. Let’s go get some food.”

I laughed and nodded as I pulled away.

“Come on, then.”

***

You know, it was kind of scary how well Ian and my mum got on. Gary seemed to be all right as well, I was glad to observe. He didn’t seem in the least surprised or offended when Ian and I held hands watching some shit TV thing with them. He had a little conversation with us about music- turned out he was really into The Jam, which was cool.

“Um, Sean, I was thinking I might go and stay at Gary’s tonight… if you don’t mind?” Mum blushed pink as she asked me. Gary looked at me too, concernedly.

“No, that’s fine with me,” I smiled. They both looked relieved.

“Okay, we’ll be off then.” They both got up quite quickly and headed for the door. They obviously had been planning to go to Gary’s for ages. I didn’t even want to think about the two of them alone. Eurgh…

It wasn’t too hard to forget about those two though; not when it became apparent that Ian had similar plans for us…