Losing Grip.

I lay on my front, clicking the navigational buttons on my phone. I was looking through my phonebook trying to decide if I should call anyone; and if so, who. It was Saturday afternoon and I was bored sick of sitting home alone so I thought I’d see if I could meet up with somebody.

In all honesty I only have about five friends who I see out of school. Ian, Aled, Matt, Lee and Stu. Well… Stu and Lee are more like Ian’s friends if that makes sense, so I thought I wouldn’t pester them; particularly as they were probably with Ian. That left Matt and Aled, then.

Aled would most likely be gallivanting around somewhere like Tigger; so I decided to try Matt first. I pressed the call button on his name and put the phone to my ear. He answered on the second ring.

“Sean, hi,” Matt’s ever calm voice came out of the receiver.

“Hey Matt, you alright?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Fancy meeting up for a bit?” I asked quickly, hoping he would.

“Sorry, Sean, but I’ve got family here. The cousins.”

“Ooh,” I replied, “Which ones?”

“The ones from Shropshire,” He said, flatly.

“Ouch!” I groaned. “Sorry about that.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’ve got to go, I think they’re trying to repaint my room, so I’ll see you Monday, yeah?” He sighed.

“Yeah… see ya.” I put the phone down and couldn’t stop myself from smirking slightly. Hattie and Grace were two of Matt’s cousins and they were an absolute nightmare when combined. They were both beautiful, if you went by Aled’s reckoning they were both “well fit,” but absolute bitches.

I decided to try Aled, and hope that he wasn’t too busy bouncing off the ceiling somewhere.

It was on the twelfth ring and I was about to give up, when Aled abruptly answered.

“Sean! Hi!” He yelled. I could hear laughter and people talking and music in the background.

“Aled, hey,” I smiled.

“Did you know-” –insert static here- “that you can drink a whole bottle of vodka and not throw up if you’re as awesome as me?” Aled’s voice was slightly hysterical and slurred. I could hear some girl giggling in the background.

I winced. I should have known Aled would be partying.

“No, I didn’t know that,” I replied. I could hear him laughing at something someone else was shouting.

“Chug it! Oh man, chug it!” Aled’s voice was going high pitched, like it always does when he’s over excited.

“Aled! Aled!” I tried to remind him he was on the phone to me.

“Sean! Sean!” He mimicked me.

“Sorry… er, have fun. I’ll see you Monday.”

“Come down here!” He shouted.

“Where are you?” I questioned uneasily. I’m not really into the whole partying, drinking thing to be honest, and the nutters he hangs out with scare me.

“I’m at Mixie’s,” he told me breathlessly.

“No, thanks,” I shuddered. I’d only met that girl once and she scared the hell out of me. They’re all a bit hardcore for me. I’m more… soft-core. I’m not sure I’m even that, actually, I don’t drink or smoke and the only drugs in existence for me are the paracetamol I take if I’ve got a headache.

“Ah well. See you soon mate!”

“Bye.”

He didn’t hear me say goodbye, he was too busy yelling at someone who giggle hysterically.

“No, I’m serious! We spent half an hour in the back room celebrating-”

I quickly clicked off the call, eager to save myself from hearing about Aled’s “celebrating.” He’s into some weird shit that I can live without being lodged in my brain, thanks.

I slowly set my phone down on the desk, thinking. Yeah, I do think sometimes, which is a bit surprising, or it would be to some. I’m pretty sure most people see me as a kind of silly, bouncy person who you can rely on for a laugh. They’d be right. Mostly.

Like the time in school when we got asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. Matthew said he wanted to be a writer; which didn’t surprise me, seeing as Matt’s a bit rubbish with actual speech. Aled said a singer- yup; no surprises there, complete show off.

I hadn’t a clue what I wanted to do after leaving school except maybe move away somewhere where it doesn’t rain every day and you don’t get stuff chucked at you for being gay. So I just grinned when she asked me and said “Pornstar, miss.”

Our teacher at the time was an ultra strict woman straight out of the nineteen forties. No kidding, I think she even had a cane in her drawer. It’s lucky for me you aren’t allowed to use corporal punishment in schools any more because she nearly exploded. Everyone in the class started laughing their heads off and she started screaming at me.

I don’t mean to be naughty or anything like that, I don’t generally do really awful things, I just think of dumb things to say like that and they come out. If I think I might make someone laugh then it’s a bonus and I can’t stop myself from saying it.

Silly Sean Smith. It’s just part of who I am. I don’t mind too much, I mean, I’m not one to really big myself up and be overly cocky; but at the same time I’m not one of those whiny miserable emo kids. You know the sort, they cry because their cornflakes were a weird shape and the straighteners have stopped working. I don’t really like how I look, but who does?

I don’t hate Sean Smith, but I’m not a huge fan of him either.