License to Love
Drowning In My Thoughts
‘’Please, Ari. Tell me. Please,’’ He begged, looking over at me with his eyes soft and wide.
‘’You wouldn’t fucking care anyway,’’ I muttered.
Not daring to look at him, I jumped out of the car and stormed up to my room.
I didn’t hear him get out of the car. So I climbed up on my bed, and looked out the window. He was sitting there, his face on the steering wheel. He looked tired. But then he raised his head, and rubbed his eyes. Quickly shutting the curtain, I looked around my room.
I wanted to tear down the drawings he made me. I never wanted to see or hear from him again. It hurt too much feeling like this. But I knew if he weren’t around, neither would I.
Why did humans feel like this? How did such a strong, confusing feeling exist?
I didn’t know. But I wanted to know.
If there was just one reason, one real reason, for all this, I would be happy.
But then, if I had a reason for that, then I’d need a reason for unrequited love, too - which was, I was pretty sure, the situation I was stuck in.
I honestly didn’t know what to do. When I tried to tell him, I either couldn’t. And when I had the guts to do it, I’d get interrupted. There was no way there was going to be anhappy ending between me and Gerard. Nothing would ever start between us.
I lay on my bed for hours. Nobody came up to see me, and Gerard only just got out of his car. Mum and Dad wouldn’t be home for a while yet. It was only 9:30pm after all.
There was a knock on the door, and I sat up quickly.
‘’What?’’ I grumbled, throwing one of my stuffed toys at the door. It hit the wood with a thud, and winced. I hoped it didn’t leave a dent or anything.
‘’Can I come in?’’ It was Charlie.
‘’Fuck off,’’ I replied, scurrying over to the door to retrieve my door.
‘’Please.’’
I repeated what I last said, then sat on my bed again.
‘’Why not?’’ He asked.
‘’Ask Gerard.’’
‘’You wouldn’t fucking care anyway,’’ I muttered.
Not daring to look at him, I jumped out of the car and stormed up to my room.
I didn’t hear him get out of the car. So I climbed up on my bed, and looked out the window. He was sitting there, his face on the steering wheel. He looked tired. But then he raised his head, and rubbed his eyes. Quickly shutting the curtain, I looked around my room.
I wanted to tear down the drawings he made me. I never wanted to see or hear from him again. It hurt too much feeling like this. But I knew if he weren’t around, neither would I.
Why did humans feel like this? How did such a strong, confusing feeling exist?
I didn’t know. But I wanted to know.
If there was just one reason, one real reason, for all this, I would be happy.
But then, if I had a reason for that, then I’d need a reason for unrequited love, too - which was, I was pretty sure, the situation I was stuck in.
I honestly didn’t know what to do. When I tried to tell him, I either couldn’t. And when I had the guts to do it, I’d get interrupted. There was no way there was going to be anhappy ending between me and Gerard. Nothing would ever start between us.
I lay on my bed for hours. Nobody came up to see me, and Gerard only just got out of his car. Mum and Dad wouldn’t be home for a while yet. It was only 9:30pm after all.
There was a knock on the door, and I sat up quickly.
‘’What?’’ I grumbled, throwing one of my stuffed toys at the door. It hit the wood with a thud, and winced. I hoped it didn’t leave a dent or anything.
‘’Can I come in?’’ It was Charlie.
‘’Fuck off,’’ I replied, scurrying over to the door to retrieve my door.
‘’Please.’’
I repeated what I last said, then sat on my bed again.
‘’Why not?’’ He asked.
‘’Ask Gerard.’’