Steamin' at the Seams
Listen Closely To Your Heart And Follow
It's been weeks. School started a few days ago, so at least I have something to occupy my time with. But even though I've been busy, it can't completely occupy my mind. I'm still broken.
My heart has been fissured, destroyed. Broken beyond repair. The hole in my chest came back, too, full throttle. I endure the pain in silence. It would seem that I am a good actress. My parents haven't noticed a change of character in me at all. Will knows, of course, but that's to be expected.
I haven't seen Jacob. Not once, since that last day at my house. I haven't asked about him, and no one has told me anything. I assume that he went to whoever he imprinted on and got over having one less friend. But you know what they say when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. I can only dare to hope.
"Ready to go?" Will asks. We're at the kitchen table, finishing breakfast. Mom and Dad have already left for work. I nod wordlessly and stand, putting my empty cereal bowl in the sink and picking up my backpack from where I left it by my bedroom door.
I pull on my black sweatshirt and follow Will outside, blinking in the rare sunshine. I glare up at the sun. How dare the world be bright, when I'm dying inside?
In the car, I stuff my backpack under the seat and rest my feet on the dashboard, curling almost into a ball. I stare moodily out the window as Will drives to school.
"You OK?" He asks, glancing at me.
"No," I say shortly, refusing to look at him.
He doesn't question me further, knowing that I'm wallowing.
Yes, I'm wallowing. Self-pity wallowing. It's the worst kind, and the best.
I wish I hadn't told Jacob to go away. I wish something could have happened between us. I wish I wasn't such a bitch. I wish I wasn't in pain all the time. I wish I could just cry.
My heart has been fissured, destroyed. Broken beyond repair. The hole in my chest came back, too, full throttle. I endure the pain in silence. It would seem that I am a good actress. My parents haven't noticed a change of character in me at all. Will knows, of course, but that's to be expected.
I haven't seen Jacob. Not once, since that last day at my house. I haven't asked about him, and no one has told me anything. I assume that he went to whoever he imprinted on and got over having one less friend. But you know what they say when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. I can only dare to hope.
"Ready to go?" Will asks. We're at the kitchen table, finishing breakfast. Mom and Dad have already left for work. I nod wordlessly and stand, putting my empty cereal bowl in the sink and picking up my backpack from where I left it by my bedroom door.
I pull on my black sweatshirt and follow Will outside, blinking in the rare sunshine. I glare up at the sun. How dare the world be bright, when I'm dying inside?
In the car, I stuff my backpack under the seat and rest my feet on the dashboard, curling almost into a ball. I stare moodily out the window as Will drives to school.
"You OK?" He asks, glancing at me.
"No," I say shortly, refusing to look at him.
He doesn't question me further, knowing that I'm wallowing.
Yes, I'm wallowing. Self-pity wallowing. It's the worst kind, and the best.
I wish I hadn't told Jacob to go away. I wish something could have happened between us. I wish I wasn't such a bitch. I wish I wasn't in pain all the time. I wish I could just cry.
♠ ♠ ♠
rawr. I know. super duper short. I'm sorry. I've been super duper busy lately. working at a haunted house, and, you know, I do go to school. I figure a short update is better than no update at all though, right?Feeney
title credit - You Must Be Willing ;; Against Me!