Steamin' at the Seams

I sigh internally, following Quil, Embry, and Jacob to the bonfire. I really wish he didn't do things like this to me. I keep mentally testing the edges of the hole. They're steadily burning. Still not as bad as it was before I had my emptying cry, but it's painful.

"Hey Lacey!" Seth says as we approach the group. He jumps up, jogging over, and gives me a hug.

I laugh, hugging him tight. "Hey, Seth! I haven't seen you in forever!"

"I know," He says, pouting as he pulls back. It just makes me laugh more, and his expression says that that was the aim.

I join the circle of friends, sitting next to Quil. Jacob quickly takes the spot on my other side, and I lean into Quil as he wraps his arm around me. I glance up in time to catch him send Jacob an apologetic glance. That is…I don't even know.

"Hi, everyone. I've missed you all!" I say over-dramatically.

My friends laugh. "Welcome back," Emily says.

"We've missed you, too!" Kim says.

"Did I miss anything exciting?" I ask.

"Nothing really. Jacob's been moping around like someone died, though," Paul says. He ducks as Jacob takes a swipe at him, and I laugh.

"Jacob! Don't hurt my friends!"

He rolls his eyes. "They're my friends, too. I can do what I want."

"Just because they're your friends too doesn't mean that they don't like me better," I say matter-of-factly. He just rolls his eyes again. He does that a lot around me.

"Food?" I ask. "Quil and Embry kidnapped me before I could get anything to eat."

Emily frowns apologetically. "No, sorry, we all ate before we got here."

I frown too, smacking Quil. "See what you did to me? Now I'm going to starve."

"Going to? You're skinny enough as it is, I think you're already on the way," Jacob says from my other side, poking my ribs. "You need some fattening fast food."

"Do you have any money?" I ask, turning to him.

"Why?" he asks warily.

"Because I'll be your friend this evening if you take me to McDonalds," I say sweetly.

He sighs theatrically, then pulls himself to his feet. "We'll be back soon. I have to go feed the kitty."

"Kitty?" I ask, taking Jacob's proffered hand.

He pulls me up, saying "Yeah. You're not like a puppy. You're not hyper enough. But you're extremely curious. Cat. But you're small. So, Kitty."

"Whatever," I say, following him to his car.

This is…dangerous. I have no idea why I'm letting myself do this. Yes, letting. Because being with Jacob makes me feel whole, at the same time as feeling broken. It'll just make me die faster when I'm alone, but for now, I'm at peace.

I climb into the passenger seat, and Jacob starts the engine.

"So, how have you been?"

I look sideways at him. "Since…"

"Let's go with a month ago."

"Tired. Sad. Not hungry," I say, skating.

"That doesn't sound good."

I shrug. "I'm fine. How have you been?"

He shrugs, too. "OK."

"Been hanging out with her?" I ask.

"No, she moved," he says shortly.

"Isn't it like, super-hard for you? To be away from her?"

"Yeah." I can tell from his tone that he wants me to drop it, but I just can't let it go.

"How old is she?"

"Our age."

"Tell me about her?"

Jacob sighs a big sigh, then says "If you want."

"I want."

He laughs once, then starts talking. "She's gorgeous. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and I'm not just imprinting-biased. She's smart, and funny. Sarcastic. Always has to know everything that's going on. She bottles things up. Hides herself."

I silently listen, constructing a mental image. Tall. Thick, shiny brown hair. Bright blue eyes. Great personality. Perfect girl for Jacob.

It all drives stakes into my bleeding heart. The pain suddenly overwhelms me, the morphine-like numbness disappearing.

I gasp, tears coming to my eyes. I immediately wrap my arms tightly around my torso, trying to keep my broken organs from spilling out into the car and ruining the upholstery.

Jacob pulls over quickly and turns to me, a concerned look on his face. "Lacey, are you OK? What's wrong?"

I shake my head, sobbing. I can't deal with this right now.

Without saying a word, Jacob unbuckles my seatbelt, eases it out from around me, and pulls me into his lap. He slowly rubs my back as I cry.

This cry is different from the one four nights ago. That one was a cleansing cry. This one is emptying. It's going to bleed all humanity out of me, leaving me a broken shell.

After an immeasurable amount of time, I stop crying. I feel truly hollow this time.