Steamin' at the Seams

After I've been silent for a few minutes, Jacob asks "Lacey, are you OK?"

I heave a great sigh. "No, Jake, I'm not OK. But for the sake of my slowly starving body, I'm going to pretend that I'm fine, and I would love it if you would just go with it and not ask questions."

Jacob sighs, too. "Alright."

I sniff, scrubbing my fist across my eyes. "Thanks."

I climb back into my seat and buckle my seatbelt as Jacob silently starts the car. He pulls back onto the road and we're again on our way to my dinner.

I stare, unseeing, out the window. I am completely numb. The morphine has worked its magic again, a little too well this time. I can hardly feel my limbs, let alone the overwhelming sorrow hanging over my head, threatening to crush me.

"What do you want?"

I start, glancing around. We're in the drive-thru at McDonalds. "Um, could I have a double cheeseburger value meal with Coke?"

"Sure."

Jacob tells my order to the talking box next to his window, then pulls around the building. He pays, and they give him a bag and a cup. He puts the drink in the cupholder and hands me the bag. I take it and hold it on my lap as Jacob drives back to the cliffs.

I don't want to eat in his car. Some people don't like that. Plus, I would probably spill.

The drive back seems shorter than the drive out. I wonder why. I guess it's because we didn't have to stop halfway so I could have a fit this time.

Once we're back at the cliffs, Jacob parks, and I mechanically unbuckle my seatbelt and open my door. I grab my drink and glance over at Jacob. He looks like a statue, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"Thank you," I say quietly.

"You're welcome," Jacob says. His voice matches his posture. Rigid.

I climb out of the car and shut the door gently. I carry my food out to the bonfire and take my place back at Quil's side.

"Fry?" He asks.

I hand him one without saying anything, and he frowns. "Are you OK?"

I put on my most convincing smile, turning to face him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just hungry."

I illustrate this point by taking out the cheeseburger and taking a bite. That will get rid of conversation. I can't talk while I'm eating. My friends know me well enough to know that I'm not that coordinated.

I listen to the conversations going on around me as I slowly chew. Quil and Embry are talking about some hard test they just took. Emily and Sam are talking about how…someone has to tell…someone…something. I turn away from that conversation. As curious as I am, I don't like finding out other peoples' secrets before the receiver of the secret has…received the secret.

Paul, Kim, and Jared are arguing about the pros and cons of imprinting. Here's a conversation I can pay attention to.

"It takes away your free will!" Paul says.

"But you don't care when it happens," Jared argues.

"I care about it now!" Paul says, laughing. "And the way you have to go along with everything she wants, every little thing she seems to need. I mean, geez, look at Jake. Look at how shackled he is by it."

"Shh," Kim cautions, glancing in my direction across the fire.

The boys notice me watching them, and immediately shut up. I roll my eyes, going back to my food. I focus my gaze on the fire, staring into the blues and greens. I tune out everything around me, just staring into the flames.

I jump when Quil stands up. I glance up at him, a questioning look on my face.

"Jacob hasn't come back yet," He says.

"Oh." I watch as he walks back through the trees in the direction of where Jacob parked his car.

I slowly continue eating, stopping when I realize how thirsty I am. I glance into the crumpled McDonalds bag for a straw before I remember. When Jacob handed me the straw in the car, I stuck it between my leg and the seat. It's still in the car.

Sighing, I put what fries I have left in the bag and stand up.

"Where are you going?" Sam asks.

"I left my straw in the car," I laugh. "I'm gonna go get it."

"OK," He says, his expression is guarded.

I slowly make my way through the dark woods to the car. It's harder going from the bonfire to the car than it was going from the car to the fire. I guess it's because when I was going to the fire, I could see it through the trees. Cars don't glow.

I hear the boys' low voices right before I hit the car. When I realize that they're arguing, I hide behind a tree to listen.

"I can't believe you won't tell her," Quil says.

"It's none of your business," Jacob replies.

"Have you looked at her once in the last week?"

"Why?"

"She's miserable! You both are!"

"So? I'm compelled to do what she wants. She doesn't want anything to do with me."

"She would if you told her!"

"I'm not telling her."

"Why not?"

"She doesn't want anything to do with me, I already said that!"

"But she would if you told her! She only doesn't want to be around you because she thinks you've imprinted on someone else!"

Who the hell are they talking about?

"I'm not fucking telling Lacey I imprinted on her!"

Oh. Wow.

I walk out of the trees and Quil, about to say something, closes his mouth. He's facing me. Jacob has his back to me.

"What the hell?!" I explode.

Jacob flinches, then turns around. "Shit."

"Why didn't you tell me!?" I ask, walking up to him.

You'd think I would feel relieved. But I'm just angry. Pissed off. Mad as hell.

"You didn't want anything to do with me!"

"Quil already told you, it's just because I thought you imprinted on someone else! Why didn't you tell me before you let me jump to that conclusion?"

"I was afraid!" Jacob roars.

"Of what?" I shriek, my voice shooting through two octaves.

"I don't know!"

"Sure, fine, whatever, don't tell me," I say, my eyes narrowing. "I hate you."

I turn and walk down the road. "Lacey!" Quil calls. I ignore it.

I walk in silence, fuming. I can't believe he didn't tell me. All of that wasted heartache, that unneeded pain. He put me through so fucking much, all because he was afraid? Of what?

Maybe it was because of Bella.

What about her.

Maybe he was remembering that he was in love with her before. That she chose someone else.

So?

Maybe he thought you would choose someone else, too.

That's stupid. Why would I choose someone else? I'm fucking in love with him.

That thought stops me in my tracks. Oh, great. First I'm talking to myself, now I'm thinking irrationally. Maybe I am insane.