Steamin' at the Seams

"So, where's Will today?" Emily asks.

It's been two weeks since the 'BFFL incident', as I've come to call it. I'm at Emily's house, hanging out while she makes cookies.

I shrug. "I don't know. He just dropped me off and left off somewhere. I don't think he's with Leah, though."

"No, Leah, Paul, and Sam…went out today," Emily says.

It sounds like she's trying to say something, but…can't? I don't know. She just sounded weird when she said it. I guess I'll let it go…it doesn't really sound like she wants to go into it, whatever 'it' is.

I sit at the table and watch as Emily pours a huge bag of chocolate chips into a gigantic bowl of cookie dough. It's kind of scary to be around Emily when it's just the two of you. She's always moving, always working on some project, or cleaning, or cooking or something. It makes me feel inadequate. I smile at the thought.

My thoughts travel down another path. The Jacob path.

I still can't make any sense of him. Does he hate me, or not? Does he want to be my friend, or not?

He still acts strange around me. As much as I want to make myself hate him for it, I can't. I have this weird craving for Jacob. I have to be around him. Whenever he's near..I just feel…better. Whole. Like there's a piece of me missing, and Jacob brings it with him and heals the hole. Whenever he leaves, though, the hole – and the craving – comes back.

I wonder if may be something like this is happening with Jacob, too, and that's why he seems so confused around me. No, probably not. That's such a shallow thought, anyway. No, I highly doubt anything like this is going on with Jacob.

"I hate her!"

The smile falls off my face as I glance towards the door. Jacob sure sounds angry.

"You can't hate her."

This time it's Embry, and he sounds slightly amused.

"Well, if I could hate her, I would," Jacob says angrily. "She has no right, bursting in on my life like this. I don't want to have to deal with this right now!"

"You don't really have a choice," Embry says. "It's fate."

"Well, screw fate," Jacob says. "I can't take this anymore! I don't want to have to have her in my life! I never thought this was going to happen!"

"We didn't think it was going to happen to any of us," Embry says.

There's a sound like Jacob kicked something, hard. I look up at Emily. She's looking at me anxiously. Maybe this has something to do with whatever everyone seems to be waiting on.

"Well it has, and I wish it hadn't!" Jacob continues on his rant. "God, I wish they had never moved here!"
"The Cullens, or Lacey?" Embry asks.

Oh. So Jacob is talking about me.

I stand up from the table. "I think I should go."

"Lacey-" Emily starts.

"I'll talk to you later," I say as I walk out the door.

Embry and Jacob are standing in the yard in front of the house. Well, Embry is standing, and Jacob is pacing back and forth. They both look up when they hear the screen door shut, and Embry's eyes widen.

"Uh oh."

I look from him to Jacob. Jacob is staring at me defiantly, as though daring me to confront him about what I had obviously overheard. I stare back just as stubbornly. It feels like something inside me breaks.

After a few minutes of complete silence, I break eye-contact with Jacob and walk through the yard. "Bye, Embry. I'll see you later." I walk away down the road, blocking out the sound of the boys' voices as they start talking again.

Jesus. So, Jake hates me. You know, I'm kind of glad that I know now. I'll know not to talk to him anymore. That's a plus. And at least now I know why he's been so weird around me. Yeah. Another plus.

I break into a jog into the woods, not bothering to notice where my feet are taking me. An icy, numb feeling has spread throughout my chest. I don't want him to hate me.

Why don't I want him to hate me? It doesn't feel like the normal kind of thing, where you just don't want someone to not like you. It feels like…rejection. Why would I feel bad about feeling rejected by Jacob? Why would I feel rejected by Jacob? Why should I care about this at all? It's not like I like him or anything.

I run faster.