Lots of Love, Mike

"Why can't you write to her at her new apartment that she shares with that guy?" said Billie looking at Mike

"Beats me," said Mike. He had read Stella's letter out loud to Billie and Tre.

"Weird," said Tre. "Must be something to do with this Matt guy, he sounds like a jerk," said Tre

"I didn't like the sound of the guy from the moment she mentioned him," said Mike.

"You're just jealous," said Billie. "Jealous because you still want Stella for yourself," he said.

"Ssshhhh," said Mike putting his finger to his mouth. "Ana will hear you."

"It's the truth though, and don't deny it," said Billie.

"Do you still want her?" said Tre.

"I have Ana," said Mike.

"That's not what he asked," said Billie.

"Sandwiches!" said Adrienne entering the room and going over to place some sandwiches on the small coffee table in the living room, with Ana following close behind.

The moment had passed and Mike had got away with talking about Stella again.

"You two look like fucking twins," said Tre.

"Who?" said Billie.

"You and Adi with your dark hair with those dreads."

Adi and Billie looked at each other and Billie reached over for a sandwich and winked at her.

"Don't tell me I look like him," said Adi. "I'd rather die."

"Hey that's mean," said Billie pretending to cry.

"I'm only joking," said Adi. "How about I go blonde?" said Adi.

"Nah. It wouldn't suit you," said Billie. Mike noticed him fiddling with the chains about his neck and knew immediately that the word 'blonde' had made him think of Jessie.

"Joking about that too," said Adi. "Lighten up will you, eat your sandwiches guys, me and Ana spent ages out in that kitchen just now didn't we," she said.

"Sure did," said Ana. "Hey is that a letter from Stella?" said Ana. Going over and taking the letter from Mike. God that pissed him off, if only she asked to read the letters Stella sent him but she didn't she just took the letters as if they were her property to read. It was none of her business. Tre noticed the look on Mike's face and he had his answer. Mike still liked Stella, a lot.

Later...

"I'm glad you asked me to come live with you," said Adrienne to Billie. They were sharing a moment on the sofa, which was rare in a house full of people and friends coming and going all the time.

"Yeah, it's going to be great Adi," said Billie snuggling into her.

Billie was quiet for a while.

"Adi there is something I need to tell you...and some things I need to show you. I should have told you before you got here but I've not seen you properly since the tour and I didn't want to tell you over the phone. I want to tell you now before your first night here."

Adrienne sat up. "What is it?" she said. She thought she knew everything about Billie, he had told her about his father dying and his background and his mother's boyfriend who he had hated at first, all his family, his dreams and his writing. What else could she need to know?

Billie suddenly took his arm from around her shoulder.

"I had this girlfriend once called Jess," said Billie. He couldn't look at Adi. "She... we were going to get married...we were engaged. She came from England and.. I loved her." Suddenly he got up and went to a cupboard in the sideboard and brought out a parcel. He came back to sit on the sofa with Adrienne. "I have to tell you all about this Adi because I never want to have any secrets and I love you so much. I never want to love anyone else apart from you and I know now that I won't but I loved Jessie. I loved her so much too but...she died."

Adrienne drew her breath in, this she wasn't expecting.

"Oh Billie," she said but she didn't put her arm about him just let him carry on.

"She came for a visit and I fell in love with her when we were fourteen. She went back home to England and it was awful I couldn't stop thinking about her for those years until she came back again. We got engaged, and then she went home for a couple of weeks to tell her parents all about us and to get ready for her life with me. She was killed by a car on her way to me."

Billie had a small tear that escaped from his eye and Adrienne brushed it away with her thumb. He fell against her and she held him.

"I'm sorry Billie, how awful for you," she said.

"There are three more things you should know. Firstly when she left here when she was 14 she was pregnant. She had an abortion all alone without telling me. I hated that she was alone and that happened to her Adi, I hated it. Secondly I have to show you this." He bent and took off his boot, pulled off his sock and showed Adi the little white rose tattoo on his ankle with the name 'JESS' next to it. He couldn't look at Adi but she put out her arm and touched his face. "Its OK," said Adi. "I don't mind, its permanent but...she'll always be a part of you," she said.

"Oh Adi. That's why I love you, you're so kind and thoughtful and...I do love you."

"You said there were three things. What else is there Billie?" said Adrienne her heart bleeding at the guy she loved spilling out all this stuff in one go.

"This," said Billie handing her the package. "I want you to look through this. I don't want to be here when you open it but I need you to see everything." He left the room then and went for a walk round the block. Twenty minutes later he was back and Adi was still sitting in the same position. The parcel had presumably been put away in the cupboard so that Billie didn't have to look at it.

"Come here," she said putting her arms out. "I understand Billie about the song, everything. Please don't worry about what I think, I understand, but can I ask just one thing?"

"Sure," said Billie loving this woman sitting next to him.

"What was she buying at the jewellers that day?" she asked gently.

Billie reached into his shirt and pulled out the chains, the B and the J swinging gently from them. "These," he said simply.

Adi touched them. "Oh. I thought that was... "

"Yeah...everyone thinks it's B for Billie and J for Joe. I let most people think that.. I don't need to explain then," he said. He tucked the chains back into his shirt.

"Do you mind me wearing them?" said Billie

Adrienne sat up and looked at Billie's face. "Billie, you wear those chains for as long as you feel necessary," she said kissing him gently on his lips.

"Adrienne?" said Billie

"Hhmmm," she said cuddling into him.

"I'll never love anyone else but you. Don't leave me," he said quietly.

"I won't Billie, I won't," she said. "I'll be by your side forever."

**

"I have a parcel for you," said Michelle into the phone. "It's at my house when you want to come and collect it," she said.

"Thanks Michelle," said Stella. "Any ideas what it is?" she said.

"Well it's shaped like a record," Michelle said.

"Oh my god, no," said Stella "It's got to be hasn't it Michelle. Its Kerplunk!" said Stella. "Oh my god, I'm coming later to hear it, get the beers out Michelle and we'll make an evening of it," she said.

**

"I don't believe she's marrying that jerk," said Mike to Billie and Tre.

"I don't like the sound of him," said Tre.

"Me neither," said Billie.

"Nothing that we can do though," said Mike.

"Yeah you can," said Tre. "You can fly out there and be her knight in shining armour and rescue the fair maiden," he said. He knew he would given half the chance. Every night Tre thought of Stella, every night he could feel her skin against his, taste her sweet lips and run his fingers through her fine hair, in his dreams. In reality too, nobody matched up to Stella. This scared Tre and one day he knew something would have to be done about it.

Tre thought Mike was a jerk sometimes too. How could you possibly like Stella as much as you say you do and then do nothing about it?

"I suppose I could," said Mike.

"Don't be fucking stupid," said Billie bringing them all back to reality. "We haven't got the money and we've got the Kerplunk! tour to do. Tre's dad's driving us around in the bookmobile and we're going to be gone for months."

"Yeah I know," said Mike.

"Look man, it's Stella's choice to shack up with this guy. If she wanted to be with you then she would have come out here again and got work here. Forget it Mike, you have Ana," he said.

"You're right," said Mike. "We have the tour."

You're wrong thought Tre. If I were you I'd go get Stella, bring her home to be with me in California and take her on tour, but I'm not you, I'm me and that's what I'd do.

August 1991

"I think I'm doing the wrong thing Michelle," said Stella.

"Oh Stella," said Michelle looking at her friend. She was about to walk down the aisle to marry Matt. She was beautifully dressed in her white wedding gown with the veil covering her face. They were about to enter the church, Michelle being her matron of honour and now this.

"Then don't do it," said Michelle simply.

"I have to," said Stella.

"Not if you don't want to marry him. It doesn't matter Stella, it'll blow over if you don't marry him."

"I have to marry him Michelle. I'm having his baby," said Stella.

**

September 1991

"Lets see," said Tre. They were on tour and Ana had joined them. She had brought a letter from home with a pack of photographs from Stella. Wedding photographs. Mike had silently had a look at the photographs. He felt sick, Stella was beautiful she made a beautiful bride and she was marrying someone else. It was too late for him and Stella. He glanced over at Ana. She had been there for him. He was so fond of Ana but he still had these slight feelings for Stella but she had gone now, gone to be with someone else.

Tre took the photographs and went and sat down in a corner to look at them. Stella you don't look happy at all, what the fuck are you doing marrying that jerk. There was a letter attached, he looked over at Mike, he was busy with Ana so he decided to read the letter.

Dear Mike

I am back from my honeymoon. We had a good time. I've enclosed some photographs of our wedding. It was a gorgeous day and the sun was shining. Thank you for the gift by the way, I have put one of our wedding pictures into the frame. It was so kind of you and all the guys. Matt doesn't know that I write to you at all so I had to pretend the frame was another gift from Michelle.

I know it's difficult to explain but Matt is a complex person. Sometimes he gets angry for no reason. I know he doesn't mean it and he is sorry afterwards. I have your album at Michelle's and when I go round to hers I often play it. She has become a good friend and I often see her as a replacement to Jessie. Sometimes I think that Billie and Jessie would be married now but I'm glad that he is so happy with Adrienne. You are right; she is beautiful, thank you for sending me photographs of you all by the way. How is Ana? You and her have been together for a while now haven't you? Good for you two. How is the lovely Tre? Is he has mad as ever and making you all laugh. I could do with his company round here sometimes, I could do with a good laugh, I haven't laughed in ages.

Thank all the guys for my present and please, please tell them that Kerplunk! Is the best album in the whole wide world.

Lots of Love

Stella x

Ps what colour is Tre's hair now. Oh and another small piece of news. I am going to have a baby.

It's green again thinks Tre. It was the worst letter he had ever read. Tre reached into his pocket and pulled out a pencil. He quickly jotted down the address that was on the letter. He jotted it down onto an old receipt that he had in his pocket. He put the letter and picture down on the table and left the room.

He went to the bathroom, put the seat of the toilet down and sat on it. He looked at the address that he had written on the card. He had to write to Stella, he had this sudden urge to write to her. She was hurting and unhappy and it made him sad. They were in the middle of their tour so he couldn't go out there. You are a fool Mike Dirnt. Can't you hear the sadness in this girl's voice? She travelled half the world to get to you and you weren't here. You don't appreciate her. She needs someone to be with her. It sounds like she is so unhappy right now and having a baby, the jerk's baby. Fucking hell Stella. What are you doing with a loser like him? Mike could treat you better than him. I would treat you better than him.

He left the bathroom then, then left the house to go for a walk and think.

**

October 1992

"Hi Stella," said Michelle into the phone.

"Michelle, hi. Have you got any post from Mike?" she asked enthusiastically.

"No, but there is another letter here, same postmark but different writing," said Michelle.

"Really. Who could that be? Maybe it's Ana. Oh my god, I hope something hasn't happened to Mike," she said. "I must come round now and get it."

"How about we meet halfway, at the coffee shop," said Michelle. "I could do with getting out of here too," she said.

"OK. Half an hour," said Stella.

Michelle watched her friend entering the coffee shop. Pale, dark circles under her eyes, her hair tied back as though she couldn't be bothered with it. Her appearance had gone downhill. She went around wearing old jogging bottoms most of the time and an old sweatshirt of Matt's. He had plenty of money, so why was she dressing like this. She hated Matt and hated what he was doing to Stella. Michelle had found out that Matt had hit her on occasion and she wanted to Stella to leave him but she wouldn't because of the baby. She could only be there for her friend.

**

Stella opened the letter. "It's from Tre," she said glancing at the name at the bottom of the page.

Michelle watched her friend's face as she read the letter. She watched her smile widely at what was written in the letter. She hadn't seen Stella smile like that for ages.

"How very sweet of him," said Stella folding up the letter and putting it away in its envelope. "He said he was concerned for me as he'd read my letter to Mike. Apparently they are all worried about me as I sounded sad in my letter. What a sweet guy Tre is."

"How kind," said Michelle. "I'll go up and get us a coffee? You OK?" she said.

"Fine thanks."

When Michelle left Stella quickly got out the letter again and read it.

Dear Stella (butterfly)

I just had to write to you even though we are so busy. I am worried for you. I read the letter you sent to Mike and it really didn't sound like the Stella I knew when you came out. Stella is everything all right? I mean really all right? I'm sure its not and I'm scared for you. Is it to do with this Matt guy? Stella he doesn't hurt you does he? Please write back to me. I need to know that you are OK.

Lots of Love

Tre (the drainpipe guy)

Here is my address and oh and by the way, you'll make a wonderful mother little butterfly.

Stella thought about Tre, thought about his green hair and his antics and smiled to herself. He had managed to make her smile again even though she felt at her lowest ever. She should be happy, she was having a baby but she wasn't happy and didn't know what to do. She remembered their nights together then she thought about the nights with Matt and she cringed. Tre knew exactly what was going on here; perhaps he knew her better than she thought he did. Why hadn't Mike written to her to see how she was? Mike had known her all her life.