Lots of Love, Mike

"You're not still going on about that are you woman?" said a voice from behind her.

It was Michelle.

She said hi to everyone and came to sit at the table next to Stella.

"How on earth did you get in here, is Tre awake?" questioned Stella looking directly at her old friend.

"I have a key and I was passing by, Ron's band were playing just along from here and as I was walking past I saw that the lights were still on. I did knock gently but you guys must have been having some intense conversation here."

The three of them just looked at one another.

"You look so good Michelle," said Stella getting up to give her old friend a hug. "Living out here obviously agrees with you."

"Meeting someone I love and who loves me back agrees with me, we wish you were here with us you know. We all feel the same about it Stella."

"We do Stella," said Billie, "our gang would be complete if you were here too."

"Yes, yes it would," said Adi, "we just so love it when you are here instead of having to write to you back and forth." But she stopped then and noticed that Stella was getting upset. It had all probably got too much and she'd just confessed her love for Mike after all. Oh my god. Poor Stella, couldn't she just see that Mike was happy with Ana.

"One day," whispered Stella, "one day I'll be out here and be with you all." One day I just want it to be Mike and me, together.

Just then they heard a small cry. It was Ryan crying from upstairs.

"May I go?" asked Michelle getting up and going to the door.

"Of course," said Stella, "no need to ask."

When she had gone Billie got some more coffee on the go and Adi knew that she had to ask, being the open kind of person that she was.

She went and sat next to Stella at the table.

"Do you really love Mike?" she asked putting her hand out onto Stella's.

"Adi!" said Billie frowning and looking over.

"Its OK Billie," said Stella smiling at him. "Yes Adi I think I do," she said looking down.

"For how long?" said Adi. Oh my god, thought Adi, what would happen now?

"Well... always. I think, yeah, probably always," she looked up at Adi's confused face.

"But he's marrying next year, marrying Ana and they've been together for so long. Does he know how you feel?"

"No, I'm sure he doesn't. We've shared a few 'moments' though."

"Really?" said Billie pouring coffee and looking surprised.

"Only a few kisses," said Stella remembering Mike's wonderful kisses.

They hadn't kissed that much actually but she'd remembered each and every one of them, the one at the bay that day just before they left, the one in the car on the way to the airport and the one in the kitchen. They were stamped on her memory and her lips; sometimes she swore she could still feel them.

"I don't know what to say," said Adi, "Billie has Mike ever indicated anything to you about Stella?" she said turning to Billie who was bringing four mugs of steaming coffee to the table.

"Only that he really likes Stella, but he always has, just like all of us but he's never said anything about being in love with you Stella. I'm sorry."

A little part of Stella felt sad she'd always hoped that maybe... just may be Mike felt the same way.

Michelle came back into the room then.

"That boy is absolutely gorgeous; I could pick him up and just take him away with me," said Michelle settling herself down at the table.

"No, we'd be taking him first," said Billie smiling.

"Listen," said Billie, "Adi and I are going to go up to bed, to leave you two to chat for a while."

"Goodnight you guys," said Adi and Billie together.

"Yes, see you in the morning," said Stella watching the couple disappear out of the door.

"Goodnight," said Michele simply, reaching out to her coffee then turning to Stella.

"So missy, what I heard when I first walked in the door. You're still not over him are you?"

Stella started to get angry. "Why should I be 'over' him? Why? I love him Michelle, how many times do I have to tell you."

"You don't love him at all," said Michelle.

"I think I do."

"Well I think you don't," Michelle said adamantly.

Stella didn't answer.

"Tell him then," said Michelle then taking a drink of coffee.

"What?" said Stella looking up.

"Tell him that you love him. If you love him, now's your chance. Go to him tomorrow and tell him or even better, wait until the very last day that you're here so that you don't upset the applecart and go to him, tell him how you really feel. See what happens."

"I can't," said Stella then sighed.

"Why not, you love him don't you?"

"It's not my way of doing things."

"No. Your way is just to say that you love Mike and to do nothing about it. You could be old and grey and still have done nothing about it. How would you feel if it turns out that he loved you too for all those years and that you'd wasted all this time?"

"I don't know."

"Oh Stella for god sake, you're not fourteen years old again. You're a woman of 23 with a child of your own who has never found love. Now could be your chance. Wake up and smell the roses will you."

"What if he doesn't love me?"

"But don't you want to find out? Or do you much prefer living in your little fantasy world where you think you love Mike and it's easier than actually facing facts and coming out with it."

"Well said," a voice from the kitchen door.

It was Tre. How long had he been there? thought Stella.

He was just standing there in the doorway, sleepy eyed. "Things were getting a little loud," said Tre.

Stella blushed. "Sorry for waking you Tre." Shit why had she got so annoyed with Michelle.

May be because Michelle was telling the truth.

She had Mike tucked away in her fantasy world to bring out when she wanted. How long had she known Mike now, for 13 years and they'd shared three kisses and she'd held onto them. How foolish she was.

"Look sweetheart," said Michele finishing her coffee, "I'm going to get home to my man and get some sleep. Let's get together tomorrow and do something, just the two of us. I'm sorry I've upset you but sometimes Stella; sometimes things need to be said."

She looked at Stella and Stella's eyes filled up with tears. She kissed her friend on the cheek and left.

As she was walking through the Living Room to the hallway Michelle felt so awful. It wasn't how it was supposed to be but she got angry at Stella for still harbouring these thoughts about Mike and not doing anything about it.

"Hey," said Tre going to Stella whose tears were now falling and taking her into his arms once again.

She sniffed. "Look I'm getting all snot on you," she said.

"It wouldn't be the first time, I've wiped your snot, remember?" said Tre. She looked directly into his eyes; they were so blue but also bloodshot and sad. She hated seeing him so sad, she wasn't used to it. Tre was usually the one that cheered everyone up. He was hurting immensely at that moment and she didn't know what to do for him. Even in his pain he'd managed to get a smile out of her.

"I remember," she said remembering vividly the time he'd wiped her nose for her.

She sighed against him then spoke. "I'm so sorry about Ramona."

"She'll grow up hating me thinking I let her get away and didn't go after her. How can I give up the band and go after her Stella because I can't afford it. We're just taking off and... once I've made more money I can visit her on a regular basis. Lisea said she'd send photos every week but seeing my little Ramona grow up in a photograph... shit Stella it hurts so much."

She hugged Tre tight and looked up at him. "She won't hate you Tre, how can anyone hate you. Anyway I've given this some thought and I kind of have this idea."

"What idea?" said Tre.

"Why don't you keep some sort of diary? Start tomorrow it tomorrow, go and buy one tomorrow and put down all your thoughts about Ramona being taken away. Write down how you're feeling and how Lisea has made you feel. That way, when she's old enough she can read it and may be she'll understand. Don't lose touch with her, ring her up all the time when she starts to talk, write to her constantly when she can write and she can write to you back. Send her little presents and gifts, they don't have to be expensive and get her something from every place you visit, postcards and stuff, little mementoes and when she's older she can visit you as often as she can and who knows, you may be so rich you could buy an apartment near her and visit her whenever you wanted. If you want to keep in touch with her you can, it's easy to do, look at Mike and I."

Mike again, thought Tre.

"You're right, what a wonderful idea Stella."

Stella turned to him then. "Is that a smile Mr Cool, a tiny little smile that I can see on your face?" she said touching the side of his mouth.

An instinct came over him and he kissed the tips of her fingers. She jumped then and he backed off immediately. "I'm sorry," said Tre, "sorry about that."

"Its OK," said Stella, "you made me jump that's all, it tickled."

He hugged her and said that she'd better get to bed as it was getting late.

"No, it's OK. I don't want to leave you down here all on your own."

"I'm fine," said Tre going to a drawer and getting a pad and pen out, "I'm going to write. I'm going to do what you said and write down my thoughts. It'll help me."

"Good, I shall see you in the morning," she said turning to him but he was busy writing the date at the top of the page and didn't look up.

"Night Stella," he said, his head down and writing.

As she left the kitchen Stella put her fingers up to her mouth, the fingers that he had just kissed, when she jumped. She jumped; not because he'd shocked her but because when he'd kissed her fingertips her body had responded and she remembered those times they shared together when he did more than just kiss her fingertips. She blushed to herself thinking about them then shook her mind of those thoughts and went up to bed.

**

Michelle and Stella were sitting on a seat looking over the bay with Ryan asleep in his buggy.

"I'm sorry I got so cross last night," Michelle said, "but... I felt it needed to be said."

"I know and you were right," said Stella.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I'm still not sure," said Stella, "I don't want to upset anything its just that... when I'm not here think of Mike and all that we could have together but when I'm hereI see how he is with Ana, the real him and then I realise that I've been stupid having those thoughts. If I lived here I think it would be easier all round as I'd see them together constantly and realise that I have no hope at all."

"I don't think you should say anything to him, well not just yet anyway. Oh Stella, I wish you could just meet someone and be happy."

"I wish that too but... some people find it earlier in there lives than others." Then she rolled her eyes, "Listen to me, I sound like a middle aged woman, I'm only 23."

"You're still so young Stella, just look at me I'm much older than you and I've only just found my one true love."

"Oh yes, I'm dying to meet Ron. Come on, I'm sick of talking about me. I want to hear all about you and your bass playing god."

*

"Where's Tre?" said Billie.

"I think he's out at the mall buying something," said Adi

"Oh right. He's been busy writing in that journal thing most of the week. I think that was a good idea of Stella's it's helped him to write everything down and he's going to visit Ramona next week. His parents are going with him and said they'd pay for his fare. He's so excited."

"He'll get through it," said Adi

"I know but I hate watching him having to go through it," said Billie, "don't you ever take my baby away from me." Said Billie.

"Why would I want to take our little Joey away from you? You are where I want to be. You are just everything I could ever need," said Adrienne coming towards him.

They hugged then, the dark wavy haired couple, both of a small build just holding each other tight.

Stella walked in on them but she didn't feel embarrassed. Nobody seemed to feel embarrassed around Billie and Adi. They were always touching each other and hugging and smiling, winking and blowing kisses, making fun of each other. They were just so in love all the time and it showed. They were meant for each other thought Stella and everyone else thought so too.

Who is meant for me? Thought Stella. Do you know? She thought once again of Jess. If it's got anything to do with you up there and you've had a hand in making Billie happy then, couldn't you just give a little happiness to me? I'm not asking for much, only a little, just a little to keep me going?

*
Ana felt sick and couldn't go out on Stella and Ryan's last night for their meal but when Adi spoke to Stella she said that Ana wasn't sick at all, that she'd heard her and Mike arguing about buying a new house but Mike still didn't want to. Adi thought that Ana had been crying and just didn't want to come out.

"What a shame, it's my last night too," said Stella.

"I know," said Adi a little cross with Ana. "She could have made the effort."

They all went for a pizza, Mike, Billie and Adi, Michelle and Ron and Tre, little Ryan sat next to Tre for most of the evening and he kept feeding him little bits of garlic bread.

"He's going to smell of garlic for days on end," laughed Stella taking some garlic bread too.

"Hey are you eating garlic bread?" said Billie to Adi

"Hmmmhmmm," said Adi, mouth full of the stuff.

"Then I had better eat some too," he said laughing, "or I'm not going to be kissing you later unless I do, you'll stink."

They were always laughing and having fun. Billie passed round the bread for everyone to take some. Tre declined but Michelle and Ron took some and Stella took another piece. Suddenly Tre took a piece, he'd changed his mind.

"I'm stuffed," said Stella, "that was great, better than the pizzas we get at home."

Little Joey had fallen asleep in Billie's lap and Ryan was asleep also.

"Listen we might head back early and get Joey to bed," said Billie, "we can push Ryan back too and get him settled, you stay Stella, it is your last night after all."

"I'm not sure," said Stella.

"Oh come on, we know what we're doing. It doesn't matter if Ryan wakes up, he knows us all now. Stay and enjoy yourself, have another drink."

"I think I'll go back with them," said Mike. "Just to check Ana's OK," he said kind of reluctantly but doing the right thing, that was Mike.

They said there goodbyes and left Michelle, Ron, Tre and her sitting there. The four of them chatted for ages then Michelle started yawning. I'm going to have to hit the sack, I've got a busy day ahead and that starts with driving you to the airport," said Michelle.

Her and Ron said their goodbyes leaving Tre and Stella alone.

"Hey do you want to go for a walk round the bay?" Said Tre.

"One last walk, why not? I love that walk and actually I haven't walked round the bay at night.

"Come on then," said Tre grabbing Stella's coat and helping her put it on.

They headed off on their walk then stopped to look out into the dark sea.

"Stella, I'm so glad it's just the two of us as I wanted to say something to you," said Tre.

"Oh?" said Stella.

"Yes I wanted to say thanks for coming out here. I know you came just for me and I really can't thank you enough, you and all the guys have been so great and your idea has helped me so much. I'm going out to see Ramona next week but the writing has kept me going."

"Of course I had to come; you guys have done enough for me in the past."

"Yeah but we never came to see you at the drop of a hat, not like you just did and with little Ryan and your own business. You just dropped everything to come out. I'll be forever grateful," he said.

He was staring at her now and she felt embarrassed suddenly remembering him kissing her fingers. Suddenly she wanted him to kiss her fingers again. It had been so long since she had been with anybody and she'd often though of her times with Tre. She had a knot in her stomach, those old familiar feelings that he always brought out in her when he had kissed her before, but they were older now, not young teenagers just starting out. Would it be the same?

He reached then and took her hand and brought it up to his lips. This was what she had wanted and she didn't stop him. He kissed each and every one of her fingers then she saw him fumbling into a pocket and brought out a tiny little ring with a golden coloured stone, an amber stone and he slipped it on her little finger.

"This is for you. It's a friendship ring, to mark our friendship really," he said.

"Its beautiful Tre, you didn't need to."

"I did. I wanted to. It wasn't that expensive so don't go thinking I have wasted my money. It was the colour that I liked about it, the goldey amber colour like the flecks in your eyes. That colour always reminds me of your eyes. As soon as I saw it I thought of you. Now when you wear it you can think of me and how good you were to me." He kissed the ring then kissed the palm of her hand, breathing his breath across her hand. It made her tingle inside, remembering.

They hugged then. She so loved his hugs, always had done, they'd always felt so protectve and once again she felt safe and secure standing with Tre wrapped around her.

They walked back to the house but at the front door Tre hesitated.

"I think I'll go back," he said.

"Back where?" said Stella. She felt disappointed all of a sudden, the sort of wanted Tre to come in the house, she wanted him to kiss her fingertips again, to...

"To my apartment."

"Are you really sure about this Tre? I hate the thought of you being alone there with Ramona's things."

"I have to do it at some time," said Tre, "and its time now. I'm going to keep her room for her just as it is and when she's old enough she can stay with me."

"Good luck Tre," said Stella and kissed him on the cheek.

Tre walked off down the street. He had had to force himself to walk away, to walk away back to his own apartment. He knew he had to go there at some point and there was no better time than this. He really wanted to go back in the house with Stella but was worried where it would end up. He wanted her badly and he was scared that if he ended up in bed with her again... well... that would just set him back again and he couldn't cope with that because she still wanted and talked about Mike. As he walked off he just kept his head down but he had to turn once, just a quick wave because he wasn't sure when he would see her again.

She watched him walk off down the street. He turned and waved once and her heart sank. She didn't know when she was going to see him again.

Stella let herself into the house, all was in darkness. Going through to the kitchen she grabbed a glass out of a cupboard and got herself some water. Taking a sip, she turned and Mike was standing there, looking dreadful.

"Oh my god Mike, I didn't expect to see you there. Are you OK? You look dreadful."

He didn't answer.

"What is it Mike? What's wrong?"

"Stella... I... I'm not sure I can marry Ana."