Loving You From The Past

Numb at heart.
Numb at soul.
Numb at mind.
Numb at body.

I'm getting it.
I finally get it.

Gerard Way,
I don't ever want to love you again.
To be sucked into your captivating scent.
To be loved by your warming kisses.
To be talked by your New Jersey accent.
To be cuddled into your secured arms.
To be held by each end of your pinkies.
To be think about how much I missed you.
To be pained by how much I love you.
To be frustrated by your thoughts.
To be laughed by your corny jokes.
To be memorized by your body language.
To be viewed by your creation of everything beautiful.
To ever ever ever go through such ignorance.
That you loved me in the past,
but you don't love me in the present,
and you will never ever love me in the future.

To realize that I don't love you Gerard.
I love the Gerard in the past.
I will always love Gerard in the past.
But I don't think I'll ever love you in this present.
Because we grew up in different times.
We matured in different places.

I'm thirty, almost thirty-one.
I will be carrying your child.
My heart will always be bruised.
From seeing what you and I shared.

And you.
You're thirty, almost thirty-one.
You are a rock star.
You are an artist.
You are meant to share your love.
To everyone but myself.

I have Sam.
You have groupies.
I have someone who loves me.
You have people who would love to be loved by you.

So this is my final goodbye.
Because I don't love you.
Like I did yesterday.