Loving You From The Past

The pain.
All I know is the pain.
I needed her out of me.
She's stabbing a knife through my uterus.

"Okay, Polly. I need one final push,"
the doctor said.

I whimper.
I can't do it.

I'm holding Sam's hand.
It's getting to a pale red.
From me holding it so tight.

"Sam, Sam. I don't think I can do this."

"Polly, baby. Try. Just one push. It'll be over in one push,"
he assures me.

I look at him.
Grit my teeth.
And push.

Its painful.
It's painful.
It's painful.

The mothers lied.
Giving birth isn't a miracle.
It's just goddamn painful.

I jerk up.
Scream out.
Fall back on my bed.
Because all I hear is crying.

"Polly, here is your baby girl,"
the doctor holds her up.

She looks shriveled up.
Covered in red muck.
But beautiful.
So beautiful.

My eyes are starting to water.

I have brought such a precious soul.
To this world.

"Can I hold her?"
I ask.

He hands me my baby.
I can't stop crying.

I'm holding her against my chest.
Such a little baby.

I feel as if I'm going to crush her.

She had little black hair jerking up.
And hazel-brown eyes.

Sam's looking at the baby.
Then at me.
Then at the baby.
Then at me.
Then at the baby.

"Wow. It looks nothing like me,"
he mumbles to himself.

I look at Sam.
Of course it didn't.

Sam had blue eyes.
And blond hair.

I had brown eyes.
And brown hair.

It looks closest to her father.

"I think she looks like my mother,"
I lied to him.

He never met my mother.

"What are you going to name her?"
He ask me.

I think for a second.

"Elena,"
I tell him quietly.

"That's a pretty name."

"Yeah... it's so weird."

"What's weird?"

"How I can love someone I just met."