Loving You From The Past

Elena is next to me.
Sam is across from me.
Gerard is far away from me as possible.

I can't stop looking at him from the corner of my eyes.
The sparkles in his eyes as he stares down to Elena.
How he speaks of childish innocent jokes to her ears.
How Elena can't help but giggle and smile talking to him.
How I used to be like that when I was with him.

Sam is holding my hand.
Gerard is putting his foot next to mine.
Almost putting up a foot battle.

I resist.

We're at Tokyo table.
The one place where I felt comfortable.
But I'm not sure I feel comfortable.
Not even raw fish can make me relax.

Dinner just layered with me talking to Sam.
Gerard talking to Elena.

And us looking at each other from the corners of our eyes.

Sam and Gerard were drinking Sake.
I declined their offer, and said to Sam:
"Don't drink too much".

He just nodded.
And ignored my request.

After eating.
And glasses of alcohol.
Gerard and Sam were heavily drunk.
And Elena was sleeping in my lap.

I rolled my eyes.
Held Elena to my arms.
And got Gerard and Sam to get up.

Gerard was too drunk to drive.
Sam was too drunk to drive.
Elena was only four.

We walked to Sam's car.
Put Elena and Gerard in the backseat.
Put Sam in the passenger seat.

I drove to my apartment first.
To put Elena to her bed.
And Sam in our bed.

Then walked back to the parking lot.
To meet in presence with Gerard.

He was smirking his infamous smirk.
Looking at me with cold black eyes.

"What?"
I asked him.

"Nothing. We're just alone that is."

I rolled my eyes.

I knew exactly where Gerard's house was..

The problem was,
it was a twenty minute drive.
Not because of the distant.
Because of the constant traffic L.A. holds.

I held the wheel firmly.
Trying to ignore how physically close he was.
How physically lustful I was for him.

He was staring at me.
Knew I lusted for him.
Because he was lusting for me too.

"Hey pollyyy,"
he said.

I didn't reply.

"When did you get so pretty?"

I didn't reply.

"You know, you talk a lot more now. When we were together, you never used to talk."

I didn't reply.

"Remember when you asked who was my first love, and I said you."

I didn't reply.

"Remember when you asked who would be my first love, and I said you."

I didn't reply.

"Well, it's still true. And I know you fucking love me because you can't stare at anyone when you know its true."

I didn't reply.

"Polly, I love you."

His voice was cracking up.
I turned to look at him.
To see he was crying.

I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him.
I wanted so badly to kiss his tears.
I wanted so badly to kiss his lips.

But I stood my ground.
Till we arrived to his house.

He didn't get out of the car though.
He just sat there.

I squinted my eyes because I couldn't quite see his face.
To see his was sleeping peacefully with tear streaks resting underneath his eyes.