Loving You From The Past

I had to swallow my bitterness.
I had to let everything go.
I had to realize that he won't ever come back.

And I did.

The most painful lost.
At least, when I left
I could still feel him.
But now, I wouldn't.

I sighed loudly.
Walked out of my apartment.
And walked to the park.

I missed Amy.
When I took walks by myself.
But Frank told me he'll take care of her.

I missed Frank.
A pain jabbed at my heart,
We stopped talking when I arrived here.

I wish I knew why...

When I entered the park,
I was welcome by little kids running
loosely around the streets.
Young couples holding hands together.
And a harder sense of loneliness.

I started to play with my ring on my left finger.
I twirled it around and around.
Taking it off and on again.
Until I took it off for good.

I looked up.
To see a man on a bench drawing.
He was wearing sunglasses.
So I couldn't see where he was looking.

I sighed again.
Regretting going to California.
And not going to Art Center as I planned to.

I looked to the man again.
He had his sunglasses off.
Looking vaguely familiar.

And my heart started to beat unusually fast.
Is this who I was beating myself over?
The one where I decided today I would get over?

I squinted my eyes.
Since he was still kind of far away from me.

My heart wanted to jump out of my rib cage.
My heart wanted to lock hands with him.
My heart wanted to feel that feeling.
My heart wanted Gerard Way.

I started to freak out.
Over ten years,
I just wasn't prepared.
i turned away from him,
to get a grip on myself.

And turned around to discover he wasn't there anymore.

I looked right and left.
I looked up and down.
I looked south and north.

He was gone.
For the third time.