Loving You From The Past

One sake shot down.
I'm only looking at you.

Two sake shot down.
I can't stare at you anymore.

Three sake shot down.
Everything is a joke.

Four sake shot down.
Sam got an emergency call.
Said, "Can you guys take her home? You were friends before and still am so I trust you with my life. Bring her home safe."

He kisses my forehead.
I take his head.
Kisses his lips.

While thinking,
Are you looking, Gerard?

And left.

Five sake shot down.
Frank and I talk about New Jersey.
Gerard stays silent.

Six sake shot down.
Frank offers me to ride in his car.
Gerard offers me to ride in his car.

I go with Gerard.
Tell Frank, "We haven't talked at all night. I want to talk about some issues we had."

It was more of a slur than a talk.

Frank agrees with concern.

Gerard and I walk to his car.

We sit in silence.
The car power is off.

I can't take the silence.
Gerard can.
I can't.

"You're an asshole,"
I spat at him.

He turns.
Narrow his eyes.
With such intensity.

"Moi an asshole? Well excuse me, bitch, I wasn't the one who left without a fucking note or even a phone call."

I could hear the hatred in his voice.
I can bring out more hatred in my voice.

"You fucking dumped me. I only stayed in that crap of a town because of you. Because I thought I loved you. Because I thought you loved me too."

You can hear my voice shaking.
That was complete bullshit from my mouth.

"You thought you loved me?"

Alcohol lets you lie,
but won't stop your mouth
when the truth desperately wants to come out.

"Gerard, of course not! I loved you! And you know the craziest part, I still love you. I spent so much suffering over you. Tried to get you out my mind, out of my heart but they just won't give up. I can't let go of you. I can't! I can't!"

I'm looking at Gerard with the same intensity.
He smiles, and brush the hair out of my eye.

"Come over to my house,"
he told me.

I nodded without hesitation.