We Keep Ourselves A Secret

I couldn't remember a time when I had felt any better than I did at that moment in time. It was almost like a dream, a dream that I had many times as a kid growing up. I had always tried picturing life with my mother, but I could never seem to grasp it. But now that I had finally managed to live it, I didn't actually believe it was true.

I poured my heart out to my mother. I told her every last detail about my life growing up. There was a lot to tell, definitely a lot, but she sat and listened to me ramble for hours, late into the early morning. I even told her I was gay, a very uncomfortable subject for me. At first, I wasn't sure that I could tell her, when my father had found out, he trashed my room searching for any dirty magazines he could find and get rid of. Like I had any though, I wasn't a total perv. She took it well though, better than well actually. She told me she was proud of me for expressing myself, and that she would support me 100 percent. She also promised that we'd visit the local cafe shop so we could scope out hot guys together. Of course any normal teenager would have been mortified at the thought, but I had missed so much, I was more than overjoyed. Plus, who knew. Maybe I'd actually manage to find a decent guy for the first time in my life.

It's true; I had never actually had a boyfriend before. Of course I had made out with half the guys I knew, but none of them were open enough to start a relationship. Most of them said they wanted to go out, but just keep it a secret. That was a definite no for me once I heard the word secret. I was open about my orientation, and anyone that wanted to keep me a secret wasn't worth my time; even if they were adorable.

So that’s how I got there; sitting in the small local cafe with my mother, sipping more hot chocolate and discussing each guy that walked in. The cafe was warm inside, and had a strong sweet smell of chocolate. It was a very inviting place. On the left side of the shop, shelves lining up and down were filled with books of all sizes and colors. I made a mental note to check them out sometime when I had more time to myself. Books were one of my few passions in life. On the other side, where we were sitting, small tall tables were placed variously in the front center of the building. The tables were made out of cold steal, and were surprisingly very clean. At the back was the counter that held yummy donuts and cookies, and more types of coffee drinks than you could imagine. I decided right then and there that this was my new favorite place in the whole world.

"Oo, Jake, what about him? He looks like he'd be right up your alley." My mom whispered as a grin spread across her face. I followed to where her eyes were pointing to, and almost chocked on my latte. There, standing in the darkened mystery section of the book isle, was the guy from the library.

I guess she could tell by the way I reacted, but I knew she had a feeling I had seen this guy somewhere before.

"You okay?" She questioned, looking at me with deep concern.

I nodded my head a few times, trying to convince her and myself that I was. I didn't know what it was about him, but his look was just so captivating. I couldn't seem to tear my glance away from him, and before I could even try, his eyes locked with mine. A lopsided smile spread across his face before I managed to tear myself away. I could feel my face getting red with embarrassment, so without another word, I rushed off and into the small bathroom down the hall.

I mentally beat the shit out of myself for acting like a total creeper. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I had never been the overly cocky type, but when it came to getting guys, I was next to none. I was never shy around any of them, and always willing to make the first move. Why was this guy different then everyone else? And why couldn't I just force myself to talk to him?

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear the bathroom door open, or even feel the presence of someone standing next to me. When I looked up from the bathroom sink, I had to stifle a cry of surprise. There, standing a mere 3 inches away from me was gorgeous boy.
"I-I, I'll get out of your way sorry." I mumbled and flew out of the bathroom before I could give him a chance to respond.

"Hon, are you sure your alright?" My mother asked as I took my seat again at the small table.

I nodded my head vigorously, as I picked up my notebook and latte off the table. "I just wanna get out of here, that’s all." I explained, giving her a reassuring glance.

She nodded her head with an understanding smile. "Alright, let's get outta here then. We'll go back and I'll make us some dinner."

I exited the café as my mother gathered her belongings just to make sure gorgeous boy wouldn't see me again. It was bad enough I had made a fool of myself in front of him 2 times now; I did not need that to turn into 3.

As we walked back to my mother's house, the cold billowing wind made my eyes tear, and I almost wished I was still back at the café. Luckily though, she only lived right down the street, so we were home in no time, and back into the refreshing warmth.

As my mother went to prepare dinner, I headed into the small guest room that was now officially my room. My mother was more than overjoyed when I told her that I wanted to live with her. She told me she had been waiting for this for 16 years now. I was glad to see that she was happy. Even though I had grown up without her, and just had a slight glimpse of her past life, she gave off the feeling that she had lived a tough lonely life. By the looks of things, she hadn't had much of a man around, and I had just found out at the cafe that the sister that bought this house for her had past away 2 years ago. She had no other living relatives, so that left her alone in this world, something I gave her all the credit in the world for for overcoming. Now she had me though, and I had her. Monday, she would bring me to the school in her district, and I would officially be apart of her life. I was happier than anything to be rid of my father finally.

I shut the door to my room as I entered and headed straight for the small bed pushed in the corner. There wasn't much in the room besides the bed. On the other end of the wall there was a large dresser with a mirror hanging directly above it. Below the bed, there was a TV set, and an old VCR, and next to that a case that held just about a hundred movies. It wasn't much at all, and extremely different from the room I used to have, but I loved it just as much. Of course it was in need of some serious redecorating. That I'd have to get done sometime next week after a nice shopping trip.

I grabbed a pen off the dresser and picked up the notebook I had thrown on the floor. Call me weird for keeping a journal, but I felt that it took off a lot of stress. Sometimes even more than my prized Marlboro's could. And now was a time that I definitely needed to relieve stress. I flipped open the cover and turned through the sheets, searching for the next blank page. As I shuffled the papers, a tiny yellow post-it note fell out and onto the floor. Puzzled as to why it was in my notebook in the first place, I picked it up to see what it was. The 2 small words neatly scribbled across it made my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

you're cute