Home is Where the Dark is

My heart was racing as I turned around slowly in my chair to face him. His bright blue eyes stared me down without blinking and his face was getting redder by the second.

"Hi Bam."

"Hi Bam? I asked you a fucking question!" He practically spit as he screamed at me and I flinched. I had never seen him so angry in my whole life. I struggled to form words. His reaction was upsetting, I really had wished he would be even a little relenting.

"Can we talk alone?" My voice was small and pleading but he would have none of it.

"No." His answer came immediately without thought. "You take off without a word to anyone and then never call or write, leaving us to think something bad happened to you. You don't look kidnapped, homeless, beaten…for four fucking years…you know what, just get the fuck out."

My heart felt like it was shattering. If he would only listen, I would tell him everything. I would explain it all.

"Bam please -"

'I said get out!" He pointed towards the door and I immediately stood to leave. I didn't look at him as I walked as fast as I could back through the house and out the front door. I could hear raised voices coming from the back but I tried to drown them out. I thought I was home free when I reached my car door but instead, Jess appeared out of nowhere with Bam in tow. He grabbed my arm and spun me around before I could get my key in the lock.

"Let me go Jess, he doesn't want to hear what I have to say." I glared at Bam as I said this.
My short walk from the back of the house to my car had turned my pain into anger.

"If she didn't care enough about us to let us know she was okay then I can't care enough that she's back! Now let me go!" He successfully pulled away from Jess and headed back towards the house.

"Fuck you, Bam!" I couldn't hold it in anymore. He was supposed to be one of my best friends. I knew he would be angry with me, that I was sure of. But I had actually deluded myself into thinking it would work out, that he would listen to what I had to say and understand. Silly me.

Bam stopped before he hit the front steps but didn't turn around.

"Did you ever think that maybe there was a good reason I didn't say anything before I left - that maybe there was a reason I couldn't? I realize that you haven't heard from me for four years. I didn't need to be silent for so long but I had my reasons for leaving. When you stop your futile blame on me for your anger, when you stop being so selfish and want to hear me out…or if you ever do…you know where I'll be."

And with that I ripped away from Jess's grip, let myself into my car and took off without looking back.

~*~

Around eight the next morning I was staring at the ceiling of my car from the back seat, still furious about the events the day before. I had slept fine, it wasn't the first time I was forced to sleep in my vehicle.

I had thought about getting a hotel room but figured that my little grey hatchback was probably ten times cleaner then any luxury suite West Chester had to offer. I had also contemplated breaking into my parent's home just to take a shower. I hadn't had one in days but the thought of a possible house-alarm and the fun that would ensue afterward made all thoughts of getting myself clean disappear.

A loud knock made me sit up too fast and hit my head against the window behind me. As I rubbed my sore skull and turned around I decided that whoever was at the window was going to get throttled. Bam stared back at me, the corner of his lips twitching in restrained amusement.

"Go away, Bam." I turned back around and closed my eyes so I didn't have to see his face. For some reason the fact that he swallowed enough of his pride to come after me just wasn't enough to soothe my anger. Call me ridiculous, but it was probably because it took him all but 24 hours to do it.

"Let me in the car, Bailey."

"I said fuck off, Bam."

"Don't think I won't break your window."

I knew he would do it too so I turned to face him again and leveled him with a cold glare.

"Don't think I won't break your face." I meant it and I could tell he knew it as he blinked rapidly in slight shock. Before I had left over four years ago, I was probably the most nonviolent person in West Chester. But things had changed drastically for me over the years. I had changed.

When he was able to gather his wits about him he pulled back and out of sight. I actually thought he had left me alone for a moment before he appeared at the window opposite me.

"If I come back to the house without you, April's going to put me up for adoption."

Oh, how I wished I could slap that boy in the forehead or something.

"You have to be under 18 for that to happen, genius."

He merely shrugged and waited patiently for a minute until I relented. I reached to the other side of the car and unlocked the door. He looked down at the handle and then back to me but still didn't move to open the door.

"What are you waiting for?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of you driving and letting me ride shotgun."

And here I thought he had come to talk, to hear my explanation for leaving. No, I suddenly realized that he really was just doing this for his mother. I rolled my eyes before crawling to the front seat and unlocking the passenger-side door. Bam came in and put his seat-belt on.

"That's the first time a guy's declined an invitation into my back seat."

He turned to me, looking me up and down skeptically as if maybe I really had been tarnished. I rolled my eyes again.

"Kidding. Jeez, you lose your sense of humor while I was gone?"

He didn't answer me as he went to looking out the window. I turned the key in the ignition and headed back to his house. I couldn't help but feel that it was a big mistake coming back here. I absently wondered how long I would have to stay at Bam's house and if he would ever warm up to me again.