A genetic design for dying

I'm pacing back and forth in the waiting room of the hospital thinking about what Skyler just told me, I cant get it out of my head at that point in time I thought to my self "What am I going to do? How am I going to build up the courage to go back into the room face her, and what is happening to her, my love, my world, my......" My mind went blank at that second my heart was racing my face went pale. I look to my left and see the doctor moving towards me he comes over and tells me "Will, Skyler needs her rest, tomorrow is a big day for her she is going in for her brain surgery." Brain surgery what the fuck, can things get any worse? "We need to go in and see if we can stop the bleeding, if this surgery doesn't happen she could die." My mind went on a rampage colors flashing fireworks booming I became paranoid for that moment standing, crying, bleeding on the inside because I knew my life, my love, my heart was going to die.

How am I going to deal with this I feel like I'm going to die just as Skyler does, attached to all those wires and tubes, the beeping noise keeping track of her blood pressure and her heart rate that has to scare her just as much as it scares me. No color just pale white surrounds me and the doctor in a room of pink people waiting for results, waiting for time to slowly pass over so they can go home and peacefully collapse weather its good news or bad news. At that moment as I am searching the waiting room for a peacefully eye the doctor hands me a paper and says "You are Skyler's guardian, no relatives could be reached, sign here so we can preform the surgery." I sign the paper hoping I can trust the doctor, hoping that she will come out of this alive, and hoping I get my baby back "Doctor!" He turns "If I don't get my baby back alive and unharmed you and I are going to have some serious problems, SO HELP YOU GOD!" He turns away with a fake smile and walks away like he knows something I don't. I cant lose her, I just cant, I need my baby back.

I walk back into Skyler's room she turns her head to me and gives a shy smile and she speaks "Goodbyes are not forever you know." She makes a good point, I think inside my head. I smile back painfully and say "I'm not saying goodbye, I'm gonna say see ya later babe." I give a wink and kiss her forehead turn my back and go home "Tomorrow is going to be a long day." All I'm feeling is that I'm going to lose her and I cant do anything to stop it. I'm not getting my baby back.

The thought of not getting her back was in my head all night I didn't get a wink of sleep. My mind was thinking about Skyler and about the fact that I might have just signed her certificate of death. I cant take it anymore I am going to explode the one person I care about is at risk of dieing today in surgery, I should have never left her side I should have stayed at her bed side until I know what was going on. I cant just sit here and take this anymore, in those six hours waiting for results I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes and ate nothing I was so sick to my stomach. I look to my left with a cig in hand and see the doctor walking towards me I stand and say "what is going on? How is she? please let it be good news!" He looks at me for about ten seconds and the emergency alarm sounds he says "Will this is......" All of a sudden right before he was going to tell me about how the surgery went he gets pulled away I'm tired frustrated and confused. "What happened to my baby? Whats going on?" Thats all I want to know.