I'm Building Castles To Protect You

He didn't stop writing.

She woke up past midday, with a splitting headache and a burning in her throat that made her run towards the bathroom and lean over the porcelain bowl of the toilet. Her mother either sensed it, or heard the her gagging and heaving, as she was quickly by her side to hold back her short hair and massage her back. It didn't occur to her that this was a hangover, her daughter was far too good to act so reckless, so she fawned over her and tucked her back into bed. She disappeared momentarily, and reemerged minutes later with a steaming cup of tea and a white envelope.

"This will make you feel better sweetheart, I'm sure." her mother smiled and kissed her forehead which was covered in a cold sweat. Then she left, this time for good, to leave her in privacy.

Her shaking hands ripped into the letter, it was the first time she'd broken her routine of sitting in front of her desk as she did so. She liked the comfort her thick duvet was giving her and didn't dare sit up in case there was a repeat performance of sickness. There was relief, sitting in her heart that she was holding this new letter. After he'd included in the last one a suggestion that he may give in. She adored how he hadn't lost faith in her, but loathed it at the same time. As it made her guilt unbearable.

"Dear Saskia,

You should have been here today babe, we needed your calming influence and level head. There was complete war in the van. Between myself and Max. I know, that's not good at all and you'll be completely surprised by that. It's still incredibly tense and would you believe that I'm responsible for a fat lip he now has? I don't think you will, you know me so well and know I struggle with violence.

But I was pushed and pushed and my fist just collided with his face. I can't look at him without feeling remorse and completely ashamed of myself. I don't really regret it though. I'm apprehensive about telling you what it was over, but I have a feeling you'll have concluded what happened already. So I'm not going to give you any of the details, I don't want you to have it in writing to distress over.

I will say, however, that if the same thing crops up with Max or anyone else I won't hesitate to do it again. I would go to the end of the world for you, I honestly hope you know that.

We're passing through soon, back near Surrey. I don't know if you already knew that or not. Of course I'd absolutly love for you to come, I want to see you so much. I mean, we're doing two shows and having a day at home then leaving for just a week. I really hope you come.

I've got to go anyway, but hopefully I'll see your soon babe.
Yours Sincerely
Josh xxxx

P.S. I love you"

She realised she'd been holding her breath until she read the final line which never altered with each letter. Her cheeks were an angry red and her pursed lips were turning blue, until she deflated like a balloon.

She had images rolling in her mind like a film projecting on a screen. The happy-go-lucky guitarist was screaming at his best friend, urging him to listen to his concerns. Hurling insults about her which provoked the boy who believed he was completely in love with a girl that didn't know how to. A complete pacifist who shyed away from any form of confrontation or heated conversations raised his uneducated fist and used it to inflict pain on a boy who was completely justified in what he was saying.

The knowledge that he'd be returning home soon ignited a storm of butterflies in her gut. He'd be returning to her, if she returned to him.

She was no longer afraid and she didn't feel the need to sob. It felt as though a hand that had been clenching her heart had finally released it as she stopped over thinking and allowed herself to be free from reservation.

She scanned through the letter once more, she sprung from under the covers she was tightly tucked into and allowed her fingertips to softly kiss the pile of of paper on her desk. Then a beautiful smile light up her entire face.

"I love you Josh Franceschi," she held the paper to her chest as the words finally slipped from her mouth in admitance "I love you so goddamn much."