I'm Building Castles To Protect You

She ran her fingers through her collar-bone length hair, paranoid about the developing outward flick. Yet she was walking home, where nobody paid attention to such minor details in her appearance. They only cared about whether there was a smile on her lips and smothering her with attention if there wasn't.

Her journey to and from the Sixth Form was one completed in solitude. With Lauren escaping to Bishop Vesey and her reason for staying within the campus of the secondary school was squashed into a white van. She had nothing but her thoughts. Shaking herself every time she lingered on the reason for her loneliness. Instead she focused on the company she had in the form of music pumping in her earlobes. Shamelessly repeating 6 demo tracks like she did every day.

Allowing a car to pull onto it's driveway, she paused on the pavement. Taking this as an opportunity to remove her battered nano from the pocket of her hoodie to hit menu a few times, dragging her away from the sound of "Promise, Promise" as she boldly hit shuffle songs. Smiling at the fresh music. Once she noticed the driver was opening their car door, she relaunched into movement. Stepping with the beat and her lips moving softly along with the words, without uttering a sound.

From her bag, she pushed about her books and folders in a panic for the set of house keys she needed as she was making her way up the path to her door. This was routine now, her whole life felt scheduled. Wake up and shower. Eat and walk to school. Learn then walk home. Open the door and pick up the letters the postman had pushed through the letterbox. Today no different as she flicked through the formal brown and junk envelopes. All addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Thompson. Except one, which had a handwritten front rather than one printed off a template. That one was for her and she knew it'd be waiting on the doormat.

She stared at each word, inspecting them for any mild alterance in how the letters were shaped. A relieved smile pushed onto her lips as she realised there wasn't anything different. Carelessly she threw down the ones that were of no significance to her on the breakfast counter as she entered the kitchen. Not ripping into her own, calmly tucking it under her arm as she moved about, pouring a cup of cranberry juice before carrying everything up the stairs to her bedroom.

On the desk she sat down at, beside the practically permanent tea cup ring, rested a pile of paper. Stacking high along with the, a pile of envelopes. She took a gulp of the drink she craved, taking another before placing the glass down. Leaving both hands free to toy with todays update. Itching to break the seal but at the same time, felt restrained. Not wanting to read his current life rather than experience it with him. This was also routine. Five minutes of the conflict inside her before she weakened- tearing into it and unfolding the lined notebook paper.

"Saskia,

How are you babe? I hope you're keeping your chin up and soldering through each day, like I'm hoping you are. I have doubts that you won't, but then I'm scared if you don't. Is that selfish? I dread that you've forgotten all about me, found someone else to replace the gap where I am.

And I've realised how foolish I am. I keep filling these letters to the brim with questions, when they're going to remain unanswered. I miss you so much. I know we're not even half way into the tour yet, but it's almost unbearable. Something happens, and I just want to tell you what it was so I can hear you laugh along with me. Then I get a twisting in my stomach when I know I'm thousands of miles away from you, rather than a few streets away.

Anyway, tour is so amazing Saskia. You wouldn't believe it. Even though we're just the warm up act, we're getting a huge response from the crowd. I had some girls come over to me in Manchester, asking if I minded having a photograph with them. How unbelievable is that? I'm still so unused to this. I've even noticed how a few people are singing the words back. I mean, only a couple of course who've heard us on myspace or something and they actually like how we sound.

I've got to say a short hello from Henri too. He said he feels pointless on the merch stand without you keeping him company.

Anyway, I have to go. I realise this is considerably shorter than the others...
Until tomorrow.

Sincerely yours,
Josh xxx

P.S. I love you."

The paper was put on top of the ones that had come before it. The chair legs scrapped against the wooden floor of her room, making a screech that made her shudder. Her legs were shaking as she staggered over to her bed to lay flat on it. Her mind was running a thousand miles per second.

The throbbing in her chest squeezed tears out of her eyes. She hugged her pillow tightly, wanting it desperately to be him. This was what made her hesitant to read what he had to say. Some how they always managed to leave her in her current position. Never did his ink say something that would blatantly make her cry. How much she missed him became more dominant in her thoughts after each word. She truly felt broken, and she couldn't resent it more if she tried.