I'm Building Castles To Protect You

"Saskia, darling, I'm in the kitchen." her mothers voice met her ears the second her keys clicked in the lock. Initially, she was shocked at the company in the household, until she glanced at the watch adorning her slender wrist. 5:05pm was a time which meant it had taken her close to two hours to walk home. Which was a startling contrast to the usual twenty minutes.

She had however walked roads out of her way, just to casually walk past the Franceschi residence. Where she winded up sitting on the garden wall, with her head tilted to look up through his window. Staring at the fraction of the blue she could see. The moisture of her tears stayed on her cheeks so long, her skin absorbed the salty water. They were made as she reminisced silently. Also imagining that she could tap on the door, only to be dragged into a tight embrace. One that made her believe she would never be free from.

She decided to leave the second Elissa tapped her on the shoulder, shooting her a worried glance. She used the excuse of just walking down en route home, until she was reminded Kingfisher Drive was a cul-de-sac. Humiliation jumped through her bones as her apologies for intruding slipped out her mouth. She rushed away with the sound of Josh's sister promising to let him know she came in an amused tone.

"Saskia, I've made you a cup of tea. I expect you're freezing." On those words she suddenly felt her skin prickling, upon glancing at her hands, she noticed the unhealthy shade of purple they'd turned.

Her mother was sipping from her own mug of boiling liquid as she entered the room she'd been beckoned towards. She heard the tutting noise only a mom could perfect as her eyes landed on the sorry sight of her daughter.

"It's nearly winter and you're nearly seventeen- why do I have to force gloves on your hands and wrap a scarf round your neck? Start wearing them Sas." came her warning as she was ushered onto the breakfast bar stool. All she could do was nod and vow to do it, before clasping the warm china in her hands to regain feeling in them.

"Where have you been?" her mom asked in a casual tone, trying to act as if she wasn't prying into her life.

"Oh I lost track of time. Sorry." Quickly taking a gulp of the hot beverage so she wouldn't be made to elaborate into awfully embarrassing details.

"No worries darling, I simply found it peculiar. Anyway this came for you."

She shouldn't have been surprised when what was handed to her was an envelope. The thickness however deserved a fair amount of bewilderment, as it showed her there was more than one page folded in half in the sealed protection it came in for privacy purposes.

"Thanks." she squeaked, carelessly shoving it in her coat pocket.

"You aren't going to open it?"

She looked up at the thoroughly confused expression on her mothers face. Her head shook slightly, no, she was not. She had no intention of bawling in front of someone and having to explain everything.

"But isn't it from Joshua?"

"Yes, mom, it's from Josh." she told her quietly. Hoping she's get the point and drop the subject. Not in the Thompson household. They couldn't allow their daughter to be miserable, without knowing why so they could solve it.

"Why aren't you ripping into it then? Darling, I know you miss him, but ignoring what your boyfriend has to say isn't the answer. That boy cares about you an awfully big amount, you know. But if this is too hard on you, then I think you should consider your options, as I only want you to be happy Saskia."

"I was just going to wait till I was in my room to read it in private, that's all. I'll go do it now shall I?" she said in a bittersweet tone, hopping off her seat and pranced out of the room and rushed upstairs.

When she hit the boundary of her bedroom, she did tear into it fiercely. Pulling out paper, along with something wrapped in tissue paper. Printed on that in marker pen were the instructions "open afterwards," and she obediently put it to one side and unfolded the only sheet of paper- the extra bulk being the gift of some description.

"Hey Saskia,

We're in Birmingham right now, as I write this. As you're reading it, I'm probably in the next city. Anyway, we were dragging the stuff out of the van and into this venue when two girls came over screaming "You're Josh, you're Josh, oh my goodness." It's mad stuff, I know. I made them promise to find me afterwards to talk about our performance, right now I'm sitting inside and will probably ask one of them to point me in the direction of a postbox after I'm done.

I hope you're proud of me. I admit, I stay up at night wondering if you really are proud of me, or say it because it's what I want to hear. What is there to be proud of? We haven't achieved anything great, we haven't got and album or even a single. We've just... got lucky in a supporting slot. This could easily be the end, we can come to an abrupt stop and get no further than this point. Then what do I have to fall back on? I've never excelled in any area except music and maths. That really leaves me with the option of being a teacher if everything goes wrong. I don't think I'm assertive enough to do that. Do you think I was right to pin my future on this?

I can't be pessimistic when it's all so good. I can't be ungrateful. I don't think anybody else is thinking the way I am, maybe I should take the same approach as them.

How's Sixth Form life treating you anyway? I don't even know what teachers you have or anything... I suppose that partly my own fault right? Anyway, I hope it's good. I have complete faith in you though, getting A*'s in everything as per usual. You make me proud.

You can open the other thing now though. I saw it and thought you'd like it. I know you'll probably protest that I shouldn't have bothered, but please wear it Saskia. Every day until I come home. I just want you to be thinking of me as much as I think of you. Unless of course you think it's repulsive, then throw it in the bin by all means.

Sincerely yours
Joshua xxx

P.S. I love you"

Carefully she unwrapped the purple gift wrap, and her heart thudded upon the sight of a delicate silver chain, nestling in the middle. She reached in, gently lift it upwards with the tips of her fingers to look at the intricate detailing that had gone into a bracelet that certainly was not cheap.

"I didn't need this to think of you." she said softly, before walking towards her dresser. Opening the top draw, along with her grip on the bracelet. Letting it drop into the forgotten depths of the furniture. Slamming it to a close along with the first sob of many to follow.