Pain Remains
Chapter 4. Um... sorry?
‘Hey Mikey.’ I said quietly as I went into see him that weekend. It was just me, I knew we needed to talk without the pressure of everyone else being there too. I went into his room and sat down on the end of the bed. He looked away, not making eye contact at all. ‘Mikey, please don’t ignore me. Please don’t push me away. I’ve come here to speak to you, not the fucking wall!’ I explained loudly. He glanced at me, and I saw the corners of his mouth go up slightly. I moved closer up the bed so I was sitting virtually next to him. ‘Mikey…’
‘Georgie. What have you come here to say? Please, get it over with.’ he interrupted.
‘Mikey!’ I yelped. That hurt me that did. I thought he didn’t hate me that bad.
‘Whaat?! Well, I’m sorry, but you know! You chuck me in here again, you can’t care about me! You can’t be here to say sorry!’
‘What do you mean, I can’t have come here to say sorry? You needed to be in rehab this time more than the last time! You promised, you promised, in front of all those people, that you would stop it, Mikey! You swore you would!’ I argued back, standing up now.
‘I tried! I tried my very hardest! I just… No one could… it’s difficult!’ he whined.
‘Of course it’s going to be hard! Of course you’re going to struggle! You were on cocaine, for god’s sake, man! You’re bound to find life hard after that! But that’s what I’m here for, I helped didn’t I? That’s what the band’s here for! They help… don’t they? Mikey?’ I asked worriedly.
‘Oh… the band. Well… I hope you’re still calling yourselves a team, cause I quit. I’m leaving.’ he said, voice steady as a rock. ‘Sorry. But, it’s either my music career that goes, or my life that goes.’ he sighed, and turned away from me. I decided to play along and go. Just walk away, like that.
‘Okay Mikey. Well, it’s you choice. You can leave the band. In fact, let’s cut to the chase and say, you’re already out. Like you said before, we can get another bassist.’ I said and turned to walk away. As I did so, I heard bed covers move, and knew that he was now looking at me. As I opened the door and went out, I felt his eyes boring into my back. I heard him sigh again, and shut the door.
So that was it. My Chemical Romance, the band that had saved so many lives, made so many people’s lives worth living. Over. Finished. Gone for good. Frank was devastated. He cried, clinging onto me and Gerard all night like we were the last memories from his band. I stayed with Frank all night, and it was like he had gone mad. He kept crying and whimpering and telling me all about how they used to be. Neither of us could understand why Mikey would want to quit, want to break us all apart. He knew that that would be what would happen, but the younger Way brother just didn’t seem to care. As long as he had his pills and hospital bed, he would be fine. Eventually me and Frank fell asleep together on the tour van sofa.
‘Frank. Frank…. Wake up sweetie. Please, wake up. Bob and Sam have something to say. Frank!’ I tried to persuade him nicely to wake up. In the end I bellowed down his ear. ‘FRANK! Fucking wake up, man! Sam and Bob want to tell us all something! You’re holding us up!’ I yelled. He awoke at that!
‘Oh, morning darling.’ He said and kissed me, which I returned. Then he looked behind him at everyone staring impatiently at him and said, ‘Oh… what?’
‘We’d like to tell you all something. Frank, you need to listen to this too. It’s about me and Sam. We’re… well, no… she’s pregnant.’ Bob said, and his face broke into a huge grin. There was a pause, and then
‘Oh! Man, congratulations! Well done, dude!’ Gerard said, breaking the shocked silence from me, Frank and Ray.
‘Yeah! Nice one!’ Frank joined in. seeming awake finally.
‘Wow.’ was all I said, and got up to give Sam a hug.
Frank and I were sat in the back of the van eating chips, when Gerard came bursting in yelling and flapping his arms about like a right weirdo.
‘Gerard! What’s wrong!’ Frank asked loudly. Gerard didn’t go quiet, so I threw the rest of my chips at him. They were cold anyway. ‘Gerard! What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong?’ Frank yelled again at him.
‘Mikey. He’s gone. He’s not there. Not in his bed. The hospital say he went out for a walk with someone, and now… he’s gone. They’re both gone. Mikey’s… gone.’ Gerard finished quietly and stood there, in the van, his head down, staring at the floor.
‘Gone?! Gone where?’ I asked, standing up to go hug him. He shrugged, and I put my arms round him. ‘Well if you were Mikey, where would you go?’ I asked, it was a big mistake. Gerard put his head up and looked at me.
‘If I was Mikey? If I was confused, rejected, being kicked around in a mental place? Drugged up to hell? Where would I go? I’d go fucking kill myself, that’s where I’d go! I’d go throw myself off the nearest bridge!’ he was getting angry now, working himself into a mess.
‘The bridge!’ Frank exclaimed and jumped up. He shot out of the van, and started running down the drive way of the mental home.
‘Come on Gerard, it’s time you put those telepathic skills you have with your brother to good use!’ I told him, and pushed him out of the van too.
‘Georgie. What have you come here to say? Please, get it over with.’ he interrupted.
‘Mikey!’ I yelped. That hurt me that did. I thought he didn’t hate me that bad.
‘Whaat?! Well, I’m sorry, but you know! You chuck me in here again, you can’t care about me! You can’t be here to say sorry!’
‘What do you mean, I can’t have come here to say sorry? You needed to be in rehab this time more than the last time! You promised, you promised, in front of all those people, that you would stop it, Mikey! You swore you would!’ I argued back, standing up now.
‘I tried! I tried my very hardest! I just… No one could… it’s difficult!’ he whined.
‘Of course it’s going to be hard! Of course you’re going to struggle! You were on cocaine, for god’s sake, man! You’re bound to find life hard after that! But that’s what I’m here for, I helped didn’t I? That’s what the band’s here for! They help… don’t they? Mikey?’ I asked worriedly.
‘Oh… the band. Well… I hope you’re still calling yourselves a team, cause I quit. I’m leaving.’ he said, voice steady as a rock. ‘Sorry. But, it’s either my music career that goes, or my life that goes.’ he sighed, and turned away from me. I decided to play along and go. Just walk away, like that.
‘Okay Mikey. Well, it’s you choice. You can leave the band. In fact, let’s cut to the chase and say, you’re already out. Like you said before, we can get another bassist.’ I said and turned to walk away. As I did so, I heard bed covers move, and knew that he was now looking at me. As I opened the door and went out, I felt his eyes boring into my back. I heard him sigh again, and shut the door.
So that was it. My Chemical Romance, the band that had saved so many lives, made so many people’s lives worth living. Over. Finished. Gone for good. Frank was devastated. He cried, clinging onto me and Gerard all night like we were the last memories from his band. I stayed with Frank all night, and it was like he had gone mad. He kept crying and whimpering and telling me all about how they used to be. Neither of us could understand why Mikey would want to quit, want to break us all apart. He knew that that would be what would happen, but the younger Way brother just didn’t seem to care. As long as he had his pills and hospital bed, he would be fine. Eventually me and Frank fell asleep together on the tour van sofa.
‘Frank. Frank…. Wake up sweetie. Please, wake up. Bob and Sam have something to say. Frank!’ I tried to persuade him nicely to wake up. In the end I bellowed down his ear. ‘FRANK! Fucking wake up, man! Sam and Bob want to tell us all something! You’re holding us up!’ I yelled. He awoke at that!
‘Oh, morning darling.’ He said and kissed me, which I returned. Then he looked behind him at everyone staring impatiently at him and said, ‘Oh… what?’
‘We’d like to tell you all something. Frank, you need to listen to this too. It’s about me and Sam. We’re… well, no… she’s pregnant.’ Bob said, and his face broke into a huge grin. There was a pause, and then
‘Oh! Man, congratulations! Well done, dude!’ Gerard said, breaking the shocked silence from me, Frank and Ray.
‘Yeah! Nice one!’ Frank joined in. seeming awake finally.
‘Wow.’ was all I said, and got up to give Sam a hug.
Frank and I were sat in the back of the van eating chips, when Gerard came bursting in yelling and flapping his arms about like a right weirdo.
‘Gerard! What’s wrong!’ Frank asked loudly. Gerard didn’t go quiet, so I threw the rest of my chips at him. They were cold anyway. ‘Gerard! What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong?’ Frank yelled again at him.
‘Mikey. He’s gone. He’s not there. Not in his bed. The hospital say he went out for a walk with someone, and now… he’s gone. They’re both gone. Mikey’s… gone.’ Gerard finished quietly and stood there, in the van, his head down, staring at the floor.
‘Gone?! Gone where?’ I asked, standing up to go hug him. He shrugged, and I put my arms round him. ‘Well if you were Mikey, where would you go?’ I asked, it was a big mistake. Gerard put his head up and looked at me.
‘If I was Mikey? If I was confused, rejected, being kicked around in a mental place? Drugged up to hell? Where would I go? I’d go fucking kill myself, that’s where I’d go! I’d go throw myself off the nearest bridge!’ he was getting angry now, working himself into a mess.
‘The bridge!’ Frank exclaimed and jumped up. He shot out of the van, and started running down the drive way of the mental home.
‘Come on Gerard, it’s time you put those telepathic skills you have with your brother to good use!’ I told him, and pushed him out of the van too.