Like Star Crossed Lovers

August 31st, 2001

The wet grass crunched under my feet as I made my way to the water. It was cold, as I made my way. Terribly cold. Though, it's not that hard to believe.

I inhaled deeply as the grass turned to sand. Then I soon found myself at the edge of the water, that was far away from any city lights, or loud cars.

This place was mine. No one else's. No one else even knew about it, which was perfect seeing as though no one else would understand. No one would want to understand. No one cares.

I slipped my flip-flops off of my freezing feet. I then pulled up the legs of my jeans and stepped into the warm water. I proceeded to pull a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket on my hoodie, removing one from the package, and placing it between my lips. I then began to fish through the pocket of my faded skinny jeans for my lighter.

After finding it, I flicked the leaver on it to get a flame, lighting my cigarette, and stuffing the lighter back in my pocket. It's tip was the only light, other then the moon, that barely cast a beam of it's shimmering silver rays, for it was hidden behind clouds swelled with rain.

I walked farther into the lake and stood there taking in a large breath of smoke from my cigarette. I don't remember when I started smoking, but I know I was younger then thirteen. Sad, yes, but when your parents couldn't care less, there's no one to tell you otherwise.

If I think back enough I could most likely say that it was my ex-boyfriend who got me started with smoking. When his mouth wasn't occupied, and sometimes when it was, he had a cigarette. Always. But, that may be why he died. It doesn't bother me any more. That was two years ago.

I glared down at the black water below me as I wondered if I should drown myself. No one would care. Daddy, might but that's it.

I dropped the bit of what was left of my cigarette into the water. I took in a deep breath of the ocean air and closed my eyes. Standing there each night only made me wounder if anyone else thought that no one cared. Though, it was a stupid thing to wounder, because there are plenty of people who think that no one cares.

Not many know it for a fact, like I do. My simple proof being that my parents are never home. My dad cared at one point, but he just decided that I need my space. My mother on the other hand always wanted me to be just like her. Exactly. Which isn't possible, because I don't want to be some cheerleader slut who slept with every guy on the football team. I'm not one of my so called 'friends'. Instead I'm on the girls basketball team. Star player.

I get made fun of because of it though. My last name being Starfeild, and all. People just don't seem to know when to leave me alone.

My so called 'friends' only hang out with me because my family has allot of money, and I'm supposedly pretty. Not to mention that for some reason, I'm blond, unlike either of my parents. My theory is that my mom was cheating on my dad before I was born. (That or it's a recessive gene, but no one in my family is blond.) That was about eighteen years ago last July. Now, it's early September, and my time locked away in school rooms is nearing it's end. Even if it's far off.

I live right out side of Providence, Rhode Island. My family owns allot of land that no one really knows about. Not even my parents. There for I get time to myself and time outside.

My dad works at some big office building in New York, while my mom works for some really big modeling agency. She wants me to work for her someday.

Though, I don't really know what I want to do with my life.

I opened my eyes and looked out over the black waves. I could almost see the sun rising and thought better, then to stay out any longer. I walked slowly and steadily out of the cooling water and back onto the sandy shore. I slipped into my flip-flops and pulled down the legs of my jeans. I hugged my hoodie closer to my thin body as a cold wind blew past me. It was going to be a long and cold walk back to the house.