I Can't Believe This

“What?” I muttered, still staring at the ceiling, as I heard someone knock on my bedroom door.

The door opened, revealing my best friend of so many years. “You’ve got to get out of this room.” Rhianna commanded, sitting next to me on my bed.

“I know.” I whispered. “I just…I don’t know. I-” I sighed, dropping my face into my black and white striped pillow.

“I know you’re hurting, and probably a lot worse than any other time in your life. You’ve never had anyone in your life like Billie. I know that.”

I cringed as she said his name.

“I know,” I said again, “I need out of this room. I just don’t want to run into Billie.” His named burned my throat on the way out. “I wouldn’t know how to act.”

“Come on.”

Rhianna jumped up, opening my closet and immediately pulled out a pair of jeans and my Three Days Grace shirt.

“Get dressed. We are going out.” she said, rushing out of my room to give me privacy.

I sighed once more but pulled on my jeans. After slipping into my shirt and pulling on my converse, I applied some much-needed eyeliner. Halfway through lining my right eye I stopped and actually looked at myself.

I hate to admit it, but I looked terrible. The color in my cheeks was gone, my face looked sallow, and my eyes were dull. I had bags under my eyes and my hair was completely fucked up.

Shitty, I thought. I looked completely shitty.

I glared in disgust at myself a moment longer, then turned and exited the room.

“Much better.” Rhianna approved, taking in my appearance.

I smiled halfheartedly , following her out of our apartment. “So Boss, where are we going?”

“No idea. But we’ll find something.” She stated confidently, taking off down the street.

“Right.” I muttered.

***

“How about here?” Rhianna asked, finally coming to a stop after two miles of walking.

Why didn’t we take my car? I thought randomly. Would’ve been a hell of a lot easier, and my feet wouldn’t be sore.

I looked up from the rock I had been kicking in front of me for the past mile, and snorted. “A bar? In the middle of the after noon?” I asked, incredulously.

“Well, I think that is just what you need. A good dose of poison in the form of alcohol.”

Shaking my head, I smiled. “Yeah, why not.”

We walked into the bar, taking in our surroundings. It was a bright, sunny day in California, but in here, I could barely see two feet in front of my face, it was so dark.

We settled ourselves onto a couple of barstools and each ordered a shot of tequila. Why waste time getting drunk by drinking beer, when you can do it right now?

“See, this is perfect.” Rhianna claimed, downing her shot.

“Cheers.” I offered, downing mine.

I downed another shot in no time, and giggled a little as I grabbed my third shot of tequila.

This is what I needed. To hang out with my best friend and take my mind off of everything, I thought to myself, downing another.

***

An hour and several shots of tequila later, I felt like I was going to slip right through the floor. I giggled, looking over at Rhianna. She looked over at me and burst out laughing. “What?” I slurred.

Her giggling came to an abrupt end, as she thought about my question. “I don’t know.”

I laughed again, and tried to stand up from the barstool I had been resting on. I would’ve made it too, if it weren’t for the fact that I was completely shit faced. I grabbed Rhianna’s arm for support when I started teetering towards the ground. Apparently, though, she wasn’t ready for that. Because she ended up on the ground next to me, laughing.

“Oh my God. I am so…so drunk.” Rhianna stuttered.

“Oh God, and your breathe smells like shit.” I pointed out, laughing once more.

“Alright, time for you ladies to leave.” A gruff voice above us informed.

“What?” I asked, trying to focus my blurred vision on where the voice was coming from.

“Time to go.”

I felt and arm grab me and haul me to my feet. I looked over and another arm pick up Rhianna. “Waits a minute!” I grumbled, trying to break free of the iron grip on my forearm. “I canz walk on my owns.”

Before I knew what happened we were outside, and we were both shielding our eyes from the bright sunlight.

Next time, I have to remember sunglasses I thought.

“Heysh, wait.” Rhianna called.

“Why? you’re rig-hiccup-ht next to me.” I told her, pointing at the few inches between us.

She looked down and laughed at herself. “Oh. So you are.”

I rolled my eyes drunkenly, before grabbing Rhianna’s arm to steady myself. We had made it only about ten feet before Rhianna tripped over my leg and we crashed onto the pavement under us. Laughing, I looked over at Rhianna.

“Oops.” I laughed.

“What the hell?” I heard over us.

I gazed up at a familiar voice. I shook Rhianna’s arm, telling her to look up. “Tre!” I yelled, happily.

“What the fuck happened to you two?”

“What do yous mean? We’re…I is fine.” I slurred.

“Yesh, we’re…wait, what?” Rhianna mumbled, taking Tre’s out stretched hand.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.” Tre sighed, helping us over to his SUV.

“Thanksh.” I replied, leaning over to rest my head on the cool window.

***

“We’re here.”

I woke up and saw Tre helping Rhianna out of the car. Being impatient, I tried to get out on my own. Luckily, Tre caught me before I smashed my face into the ground.

“Oh no you don’t.” Tre laughed, putting one arm around my waist and the other arm around Rhianna’s waist.

He finally got us up the 5 flights of stairs, although God knows how. We were pissed out of our minds still and not that much help to the process. Oh well. He probably had a lot of experience.

“Here we go.” Tre said, dropping me onto the couch.

“Pillow facesh.” Rhianna slurred, trying to keep her eyes open.

“What?” Tre asked, setting her on the other couch.

“Leesha doesn’t likes to get pillow facesh.” She pointed towards me, where my face was planted firmly in a pillow.

“Oh.” Tre rolled me over, laughing quietly to himself. “Alright, I’m going to go.”

“No!” Rhianna shouted. “Shtay. Please.”

“Alright, I will. Just go to sleep ok?”

“Okies.” Rhianna slurred once more, laying down on the couch.

***

“God, you two were drunk yesterday.”

I lifted my heavy lids, my eyes scanning the room. I was still on the couch. I focused on Tre’s voice. It was coming from the kitchen.

“I know.” I heard Rhianna answer. “But I thought it would be a good idea. Lisa needed to take her mind off of things.”

“Things like Billie?” He asked, quietly.

“Exactly.”

“How is she?”

“She got her heart broken.” Rhianna stated, simply.

“So did Billie.”

“Yeah, I know. But it wasn’t Lisa’s fault. She wasn’t doing anything with that Ethan guy.

“I know that, but Billie is harder to convince.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Something warm ran down my neck and I realized that I had been crying again. I swiped at the fresh tears, then sat up. Trudging into the kitchen, I groaned and sat at the table across from Tre.

“Aspirin’s on the counter.” Tre said, cheekily, pointing to the little bottle.

“Thanks.” I grumbled, grabbing the bottle and popping two of the white pills into my mouth. I had one hell of a hangover.

“Are you hungry?” Rhianna asked, stabbing at her pancakes.

“How can you eat that?” I mumbled, feeling sick. “And why don’t you have a fucking hangover?”

“I did, but I got up earlier, and now it’s mostly gone.”

“Bitch.” I mumbled again, jokingly.

Tre smirked, standing up from the table. “I got to go. We have band practice, and Bil…” He trailed off, looking at me. “And Mike will kill me if I’m late again. See ya later.” Tre rushed out of the room and I heard the door close behind him.

“He didn’t fool me.” I said, looking down. “He could’ve just said Billie.”

“He didn’t want to upset you.” Rhianna explained, sitting down again.

“I know, but God, you two are acting like I’m a porcelain doll. I’ve been hurt before and just like before, I’ll get over it.”

“You’ve never been hurt like this.” Rhianna whispered, being careful again.

The lump that had been growing in my throat suddenly felt twice as big. “You know what? I’m fine.” I said, nonchalantly.

“Lisa…”

“No, I am. I’m totally fine, I’m just going to get a shower and pick up some things we need from the grocery store. We’re getting low on milk.”

I pushed away from the table and skipped up the stairs. I could feel Rhianna’s gaze boring a hole in my back as I left. I’m fine I kept repeating. I’m perfectly fine. It’s not a big deal. Billie wasn’t my first boyfriend, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to be my last. I’ll move on. It’s just a matter of time. I’ll just find someone else.
Maybe If I kept repeating this over and over, I could convince everyone, and get them off my back.

Or better yet, maybe I could convince myself.