I Can't Believe This

I sighed as I started towards them. This was really beginning to get on my nerves. It seems like I can’t go anywhere without Ethan showing up. I mean what the hell is that about? It’s like there’s eight of him. Fuck. “Hey,” I said, as I came to a stop in front of them. “Got your coffee Emilie.” I handed the warm Styrofoam cup to her, then turned my attention to Ethan. “Why the hell are you always around?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“So, I guess you two already know each other,” Emilie pointed out, glancing between the two of us.

“Unfortunately.”

“Lisa,” Ethan started.

I cut him off, holding up my hand. “Don’t.”

I really didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I mean, he was the reason Billie and I had broken up in the first place. And after the fight between Billie and him, I was just sick of it all. I turned to Emilie. “Come on, we should go.” I pivoted and began walking to the exit. I was almost there when a hand grabbed my arm and spun me around.

“Lisa, wait. Just listen to me for a minute. Please?” Ethan pleaded, his eyes searching mine.

“No, now let go of me.” I jerked my arm out of his grasp and spoke up so Emilie could hear me. “If you want to stay and hang out with him, be my guest, but I’m going home.” I opened the door and was on the sidewalk before either of them had a chance to say anything.

***

I slammed the front door and walked into the living room, collapsing onto the couch. Grabbing the remote, I turned on the T.V., mindlessly flicking through the channels. I finally settled on Gilmore Girls but didn’t actually watch it. I glanced at the clock and sighed again. Billie wouldn’t be home for about thirty minutes. I rested my head on the arm of the couch and slowly my eyes drifted closed.

I knew I was dreaming, party because, somewhere in my mind, even in unconsciousness, I knew that Billie wasn’t home yet. I was standing in the kitchen, holding a glass of water when Billie walked in. I grinned and strode to him, placing a kiss on his soft lips. He grinned at me, and slid his tattooed arms around my waist. We stood there for a moment, not saying anything when Billie’s smile faded and turned into a tight angry line. His eyes seemed to darken with rage, then shifted to looking behind me, so, naturally I turned my head to see what was going on. My gaze landed on Ethan. He was just standing there, glaring at Billie, when suddenly his eyes flicked to mine, and his expression softened. He took a few steps forward, his hand reaching out, and somehow, he was close enough to grab one of my hands. My left hand. My right hand was clutching the water glass, seeming to be holding on for dear life.

He gently began to pull me toward him, I struggled, looking back at Billie. His hand had found it’s way to my right wrist. He pulled me back in his direction and I struggled again. Why were they pulling on me? Puzzled, I let both of my arms go limp, as they continued to pull on my arms. Back and forth, back and forth. A human tug of war. The movements were becoming more angry, both of them fighting to pull me to them. At almost the exact same time, the both jerked my arms toward them. The water glass in my right hand fell and time seemed to slow down. It crashed to the floor, the glass shattering, the water spilling in every direction.

My eyes snapped open, and instinctively, I jerked my arms to my body. My breath was erratic, coming in short, sharp gasps. I closed my eyes, letting myself concentrate on slowing my breathing. Slowly, the gasps stopped, but my chest was still heaving, trying to get enough air to my lungs. My eyes fluttered open and focused on Billie’s worried face. His eyes were frantically searching my face, then his gaze rested on my arms, which had somehow become wrapped around my torso. My side hurt from my fingers digging into my ribs, and my finger ached from the effort. Billie’s hands reached out, gripping my arms gently, and he began to pull. I jerked away, letting my arms go limp. Billie quickly dropped my arm.

“Lisa, Lisa!” I heard in the back my mind. I tried to concentrate on where the sound was coming from, when I realized that it was Billie. He’d been trying to talk to me this whole time. I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and burring my face in his chest. I breathed in deeply, taking in the scent that was coming off his chest. Cigarettes and coffee. But, beneath that, there was pure Billie Joe. The scent he’s always had, that he’ll always have.

“What happened?” he asked, his hand making small circles on my back. “I came in and called your name, but no one answered, so I came in here and you were asleep, but you were whispering, ‘stop pulling on me’ over and over.”

I leaned back, so I could see his face, and shook my head. “I’ll tell you about it later.” I didn’t feel like discussing my weird dream yet.

Billie nodded, and helped me up. He wrapped me in a hug. I lifted my head slowly, pressing my lips to his neck. “I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too.” I could feel him smiling.

I don’t know how long we stood there, but then the door slammed and I heard footsteps. “Hey,” Emilie called. “Lisa, you here?”

“Yeah,” I answered, not moving.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that he was that Eth--.” She stopped abruptly. “Oh, hey Billie.”

I unwillingly stepped out of Billie’s embrace and looked at Emilie. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t.”

“Am I missing something here?” Billie chimed in, his eyes questioning mine.

“We ran into Ethan at the bookstore we went to. Emilie started talking to him, but she didn’t know that he was that Ethan, so here we are.”

Billie’s jaw clenched, just a bit, but enough that I noticed. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Emilie offered. “I should finish packing." The she spun around and left the room.

I waited to speak until I was sure she was upstairs. “Are you mad?” I asked.

Billie Joe sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. “No. I just don’t like him. He’s always there. It’s like he’s waiting for me to fuck everything up between us again, so he can be with you.”

I frowned. “That would never happen. Even if we broke up again, I would never go out with him.”

Billie smiled halfheartedly. “I know. But that still doesn’t change the fact that he wants you. And that’s what bugs the hell out of me.”

“Well don’t let it bug you. I don’t want him.” I walked over to him and caught his face in my hands. “I already have what I want.”

Billie grinned and kissed me. “I love you.”

***

I tossed a shirt at Emilie, then grabbed a pair of jeans and folded them. Emilie was leaving in about an hour, but Ethan had wanted to say goodbye to her. Good, maybe he likes her and he’ll leave me the hell alone. I smiled at the thought, but sighed. The bad part was that he was coming to the airport to say goodbye to her. Emilie and I had gotten into an argument over that. Then Billie and I had gotten in an argument. But finally everything had been resolved, for the most part. Now Billie was in the studio in the basement, waiting for us to finish so we could leave. Billie had said that he was ‘Gathering control'.

“I’m sorry,” Emilie said, for the thousandth time.

“It’s okay.”

“We tried to figure out somewhere else to go to say goodbye, but he lives pretty close to the airport.”

“I know.” I set the last pair of jeans in her suitcase and sat on the bed. “I just, I don’t know. I don’t want him there anymore than Billie Joe does.”

“I know, and it’ll be quick. He was the one who wanted to say goodbye anyway.”

I laughed. “I know. By the way, could you make him fall in love with you in the short time you‘ll have before you leave?”

She smiled and zipped up her suitcase. “I’ll do my best. But it probably won’t work.”

I arched one of my eyebrows. “How do you figure? You‘re pretty and smart and funny. Any guy would love to have that combination. And you said he was flirting with you.”

“Yeah, he was, but only to get to you. He likes you. I know that, Billie knows that. And you know it too. That‘s why he‘s coming.”

“Personally, I don’t think he does.”

This time, Emilie arched a brow. “How do you figure?” she mocked.

“He does nothing but make my life miserable.”

“He has a thing for you.”

I shook my head again. “It’s just a game to him.”

“He has a thing for you.”

“Will you stop saying that please? He does not.”

“Lisa…”

I groaned and pursed my lips. “Dammit! I know. I know he does. Okay? I just don‘t want to admit it.”

“Some girls would kill to be in your situation you know. Most would love to have two guys chasing them.”

I glared, then answered. “Yeah, some girls, but not me.”

“I think you should just talk to him. Tell him that you’re happy and that he can leave you alone now, and go find someone else.”

I didn’t say anything, just stood up and grabbed a suitcase. “See you downstairs.”

***

We were waiting in the airport terminal for Emilie’s plane to arrive. It was delayed though, for some reason or another. And it wouldn’t be here for another 20 minutes. Emilie had gone to get coffee and Billie and I had stayed behind.

“You didn’t have to come you know. You could’ve said goodbye to her at the house.”

“I know, but I figured if he was going to be here, that I should come.”

I began to protest, but Billie cut me off. “Not because I don’t trust you. It’s him I don’t trust.”

“I know. But, look at the bright side, it’ll be over in about 20 minutes.”

He smiled and kissed me. “I know,” he mumbled against my lips. His hand found it’s way to the back of my neck and he pressed his lips more firmly to mine, deepening the kiss. I smiled against his lips and traced his bottom lip with my tongue.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Billie and I pulled away from each other, our gazes landing on Ethan. “No,” I said, coldly.

“Good. Where’s Emilie?”

“Getting coffee. She’ll be back in a couple minutes.”

“Okay, I’ll just sit down then.”

He sat down across from us and picked up one of the magazines that was sitting on a little table next to the row of chairs. “Please, don’t let me stop you.”

Billie glared at him, then turned to me, his expression carefully controlled. He laced our fingers together and smiled at me. I nodded in encouragement, trying to tell him with my eyes that it would be over soon.

“Lisa reigning you in Billie Joe?” Ethan remarked, smirking.

Billie didn’t answer, but his grip on my hand tightened.

“That’s what I thought.”

I glared at him. “Ethan, stop.”

He looked at me and nodded. “Alright, but only because you asked.”

Emilie walked back then, without any coffee. “All of the coffee in this place sucks. I went to, like, six different machines, but it was all the same. Disgusting."

I laughed. “Yeah, well, we’re in an airport.”

She sighed and flopped into one of the chairs next to Ethan. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he said, finally taking his gaze away from me.

They began talking quietly and I shifted so my body rested against Billie’s. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

I kept glancing over at Ethan and Emilie, they were still talking, but every once in awhile, Ethan would look over at Billie and I out of the corner of his eyes. Finally, Emilie’s flight was called and she stood up to leave. I got up also, and gave her a hug. “I’m glad you came.”

“Me too. You should try to visit me sometime, and I’ll definitely come back.”

“Good.”

“Alright, well, thanks for letting me stay at your house you guys.”

Billie stood then and gave her a genuine smile. “It was no problem. It was good to meet you.”

“Same here.” She turned to Ethan and said goodbye, then started toward the gate.

Billie glanced at Ethan, the looked at me. “I’m going to go get the car.” He kissed me quickly, then walked to the exit.

“So you two are back together, I guess,” Ethan said, breaking the silence.

I turned. “Yeah we are.”

“And living together.”

I couldn’t keep the shock off my face. “How’d you know that?”

He snorted and shook his head. “I caught the fact that Emilie said ‘Your house you guys’. “

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Now can I tell you what I was trying to say earlier in the bookstore?”

“If you have to.”

He sighed and smiled. It wasn’t a pleasant smile though. “I was trying to say that I’m sorry. For all the shit I caused between you and Billie. I didn’t mean to break you two up.”

He almost sounded sincere. “Yes you did,” I accused.

He smiled again, before answering, “See, that’s one of the reasons I like you. You see through the pretenses. Alright, I was hoping you guys would break up.”

“See.”

“But, I really didn’t mean to be the reason why. And I wasn’t trying to do it on purpose.”

“Right. I have to go. Billie’s waiting.” I grabbed my sweatshirt that was resting on one of the plastic chairs and pulled it on over my head. “Oh God!” I gasped. Ethan was about a foot away from me. His eyes burning into mine.

“You know, we could still be friends,” he mused, smiling at me.

I backed up a little. “I don’t think so.”

“Why?” He took another step forward.

“Because you’re annoying.” I backed up.

Another step forward. “Why do you keep backing away from me?”

The comment made me stubborn, so I didn’t move back anymore. “Just habit, I guess. I tend to stay away from people I don’t like,” I shot back.

“Ouch.”

I shrugged, then glanced at the entrance. “I have to go.”

“Alright, but I’m going to call you sometime.”

“You don’t even have my number,” I pointed out, relieved.

“No, but Emilie probably will.”

“She’ll never give it to you.”

“We’ll see. I’ll talk to you later.” He smiled once more, then walked past me, his shoulder brushing mine.

I shivered, then shook my head and headed out to the car.