I Can't Believe This

“God Dammit!” I yelled, looking for my red chucks.

“Having trouble?” a voice asked from behind me.

“No,” I muttered, as I got down on one knee to search under the bed.

“Sounds like you are,” Rhianna commented. “Found them.”

I stood up and looked at her a moment before crossing the room and slipping them on. “Where were they?”

“In the closet, of course.”

“I looked in there.” All day I hadn’t been able to find anything. Or, even better, I had been doing a Sudoku earlier and about half way through I’d thought I’d lost my pencil. It was in my hand. I was pretty much just having a bad day.

She shrugged and sat down on the bed next to me. “So tell me everything again.”

“What’s there to tell? He said he was going to come over and talk to me.” Which was probably why I’d been so jumpy lately. Every time the doorbell rang I would jump up to answer it before Billie could. I didn’t want him to get into another fight with Ethan. ‘Cause even though Billie had seemed alright when Ethan had called, I don’t think he’d be alright with him coming over.

“Oh, come on.”

“What?” I asked, annoyed. “There’s nothing else to say. I just wish I knew how he got our number.” I was chewing my lip in thought when I realized that Rhianna hadn’t said anything. I glanced over at her and sighed. “What no comment?”

She looked up and almost looked, what? Guilty? “I’m sorry.”

My brow furrowed as I stared at her. “Uh, for what?”

“I shouldn’t have done it, but he sounded so sincere. I didn’t think it would hurt.” She hung her head a little and avoided my gaze.

“What wouldn’t hurt a little? What are talking about?” I was completely and utterly confused.

She glanced up at me for a split second, then returned to studying the patters on the bed. “I gave Ethan your number,” she whispered.

“Wait, what?” Surely, I must have misunderstood her.

Her chin lifted a little and she looked me right the eye. “I gave him your number.”

Okay, back up. She gave him my number. Rhianna? My best friend? "Why?” I demanded. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“I’m sorry. But, you should have heard him on the phone. He really likes you and I truly think that he just wants to get to know you.”

“So what?” I jumped up from the bed and stood in front of her. “That doesn’t matter! I don’t care if he wants to get to know me! I don’t want to get to know him!”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s a jerk! You knew that I didn’t like him and wanted nothing to do with him and yet…” I trailed, off, my anger beginning to lose it’s edge.

“I still think you should give him a chance. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up liking him more than Billie Joe.”

I just stared at her. We’d always been so close, but right now, I felt like she was a stranger. “I don’t want to like anyone more than Billie Joe!” I yelled at her. I took a step forward, ignoring the look on her face. “God! Why the fuck am I even having this conversation with you? I mean, with you! I love Billie Joe! You of all people should know that!”

“I do know that, but what I’m saying is that, you shouldn’t limit your horizons.” she shrugged as she said this. She acted like she wasn’t telling me to find someone other than Billie, but like she was telling me how warm it was outside.

“Limit my horizons? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you fucking hear yourself?” I hissed at her, watching her flinch a little. “Is this how you feel about Tré too? Are you just with him until you can find something better?”

“No.”

I shook my head, rolling my eyes.

“Maybe,” she whispered. “I don’t know.”

“Wow. Well, you know what? I hope you do find someone else because you don’t deserve a guy like Tré. And let me just say that there is no one out there that will treat as wonderfully as he has.”

She started to say something but, I cut her off, “Don’t you even care that he loves you?” I spat the words at her, anger dripping from my voice.

“Yes, but, I just don’t feel the same about him anymore. I mean, I still care about him, but-”

“Oh, bullshit!”

“What?”

“That is fucking bullshit! If you still cared about him then you wouldn’t be stringing him along like you are!”

“Hey! What gives you the right to comment on my relationships? Although, I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve been doing it ever since we were young!”

“Yeah, I have! Because you always fuck everything up! No matter how sweet the guy is, or how much he loves you, he’s never good enough! And now you meet one of the nicest guys out there and you treat him like shit! Like he’s just some fucking doormat that you can wipe your shoes on and then forget about!”

“Fuck you!”

“Is that the best you can up with? Well, it probably is, since you know I’m right!”

“I don’t even know how I managed to stay friends with you this long. All you do is make everyone feel like they’re inferior to you! Like they’re not good enough.”

“I should be saying the same about you.”

“Fuck off. You think that just because you’re dating some fucking rock star that you’re better than everyone else. Well, guess what? You’re not!

“Leave Billie Joe out of this! He has nothing to with it!”

She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Sure he doesn’t.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that while you’re up on that pedestal of yours, Billie Joe is probably out fucking some other whore!”

“Fuck you! Just because all of your past boyfriends have cheated on you, doesn’t mean that Billie is cheating on me.”

“Right. Tell me, where is he today?”

“At the studio, with Mike and Tré.”

“Are you sure? Because Tré told me that they’d probably be done by 2:00, and it’s,” she glanced at her watch and smiled. “3:06. I’m sure Billie Joe could squeeze in a few good fucks in that amount of time.”

“Get the fuck out of my house!”

“My pleasure,” she said, turning and walking to the door. “But remember what I said. Just because someone says they love you, doesn’t mean they do.”

“Yeah, you should know that concept really well.”

She glared, then turned on her heel and left.

I stood there for a minute, before collapsing onto the bed. Fuck, I thought. I laid there, just listening to the ticking of the clock on the wall. A new wave of anger came over me and I stood up grabbing my sweatshirt on the way out of the bedroom.

***

Walking down 8th street was getting on my nerves. I don’t why, it just was. I’d been walking around aimlessly for the past twenty minutes. I sighed and switched songs on my iPod. Billie Joe’s soft voice floated into my ears.

Thought I ran into you
Down on the street.
Then it turned out to only
Be a dream.

I quickly switched the song again, not wanting to listen to any Green Day. Everything that Rhianna had said had gotten to me. Despite the fact that in my heart I knew it was a lie, my head wouldn’t let go of the possibility that Billie Joe might be sleeping with other women. I mean, he is a rock star. And he has women throwing themselves at him everyday.

I turned onto Clearview Ave. and spotted a familiar building a few yards away. Sighing, I picked up my pace a little, closing the distance between me and the coffee shop. I yanked open the glass door and walked towards the counter. Maybe he was here. Maybe not, I thought snidely to myself. God, I needed to stop talking to myself. I made my way to the front of the line and felt my chest tighten. He was here.

“I’ll be with you in a minute,” he called over his shoulder.

“That’s fine.” I spoke up so that he’d be able to hear me over all the noise.

I saw his shoulders tense a little and he looked back at me. Recognizing who I was, Ethan turned completely around. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

I smiled. “Getting coffee, of course.”

“Right. That was a stupid question,” he grinned at me. “What can I get you?”

“Um,” I looked at the choices on the board. Too many. Seriously, who the hell needs over 40 choices? And what the hell was a Whipped Banana Avalanche? “I’ll just take an English Toffee cappuccino.”

“Good choice. Coming right up.”

I moved to the side to let other customers past me and waited. He handed me my coffee and leaned in a little. “Don’t tell anyone but, I gave you an extra shot.”

“You’re secrets safe with me.” I smiled, then went to sit down at a table. Sipping my coffee, I pulled the book I had out of my purse and began to read. I take a book with me everywhere.

“Mind if I sit?”

I looked up to find Ethan grinning at me. Out of habit, I grinned back. “Sure.”

“So, I’m sorry, but I have to know,” he started, sitting across from me. “Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?”

“I don’t know,” I said, truthfully.

“Huh. Well, I’ll take whatever I can get.”

“I’ll bet you will.” I took the top off my coffee and gently blew on the steaming liquid. It was still too hot to drink. Replacing the lid I looked up to find Ethan watching me. I flushed and looked down. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Something. Now what?” I persisted, looking up.

“I was just noticing that you look upset.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. And I can tell that you’re trying to hide it too.”

“I’m not upset,” I lied, smiling.

His eyes narrowed, scrutinizing my face. “Yes, you are. Now what’s wrong?”

Sighing, I put my book down. “How’d you know?”

“You’re eyes aren’t as bright as they usually are. And they look more brown than green.”

“That’s a lot to observe in such a short period of time.”

“I noticed this a long time ago. When we first met. You’re eyes are hazel green. But when you’re upset, they turn more brown.”

I was shocked. I knew it was true. My eyes did change in color if I was upset. But not much, you can hardly notice unless I’m in really bright light. Covering my shock I just nodded. “Observant.”

He leaned back in his chair. “That’s me. Now, do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Frustrated, I dropped my head in my hand. “Everything’s screwed up now.”

“Is it Billie?”

I looked up and I must have been glaring or something, because Ethan held up his hands in defense. “I’m just asking. He’s your boyfriend, it’s the most obvious choice.”

“True enough. But no, it’s not him. It’s Rhianna.”

“Oh. Did she tell you she gave me your number?”

Another wave of anger pulsed through my veins. “Yes, she did! And how dare you ask her for my number!”

“Sorry, but I figured that’s the only way I would talk to you again. I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

“You never do,” I shot back.

His face fell. “I know. But it always seems to happen whenever I try to do anything that concerns you.”

I instantly felt bad. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that, I’m just pissed. And confused. And a million other emotions that I can’t decipher. I have no idea what I’m going to do.”

“You and Rhianna got in a fight,” he prompted.

“Yeah, and she said a bunch of shit about Billie Joe and I know I shouldn’t believe it, but part of me can’t help but feel like it could be true. I mean, he’s famous. He could have any girl. And I’m not anything that special, I just randomly popped into his life and..."

“Wait, slow down, and start from the beginning.”

I took a deep breath and launched into all the gory details of the fight Rhianna and I had had just an hour before. When I was finished, neither of said anything for a few minutes. “Well?” i asked.

“Well, I think that anyone who would throw that in your face isn’t really your friend at all.”

“Yeah, but…”

“No. No one should say something like that to someone they supposedly care about.”

I felt tears forming in my eyes. I looked down to so he wouldn’t see me cry. I couldn’t stop them though, the tears welled up and slipped pathetically down my face.

“Let’s get out of here.” Ethan grabbed my hand and pulled me up, leading me to the door.

I didn’t watch where we went, I just looked at my shoes. When we finally stopped we were in a park. Ethan sat down on a bench and patted the seat next to him. I sunk onto the hard wood and laughed. “Fuck,” I said, trying to wipe the tears away. Fingers pulled my hand away from my face and lifted my chin up.

“Billie wouldn’t do that to you. He loves you,” Ethan cooed, his hand wrapped around mine.

“How do you know? How does anyone know what he would and wouldn’t do?”

“You should have more faith in him than that. Besides, I’ve seen the way he looks at you, touches you. He wouldn’t cheat.”

He was right. I should have more faith in Billie than that. But how can anyone really be sure. Everyone has the ability to cheat. Just like everyone has the ability to fall in love. And out of love.

“Don’t let what Rhianna said get to you. She was just pissed off because you were right, and she knew it.”

I nodded but I still wasn't completely convinced. I looked at the clock on my iPod. It was almost five. “Shit. I need to get home,” I said, standing.

“I’ll take you.”

***

We pulled into the driveway and Ethan turned off the car. “He wouldn’t betray you like that. And anyone who would is an idiot,” Ethan whispered.

I smiled a little and looked up. “Thank you,” I said. “And thank you for listening to my fucked up problems.”

“Anytime.” He grinned and started the car again.

I didn’t get out of the car right away though. “You know, maybe we could be friends,” I mused.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I said, then got out of the car. I bent down to the open passenger window and smiled. “I’ll see you around.” Then I turned and walked up to the front door and went inside.

I closed the door and looked around. The house was still quiet, but the light on the answering machine was blinking, signaling that there was a new message. I hit the button and listened as I took off my hoodie.

Lisa, it’s Billie. I’m at Tré’s. Rhianna broke up with him and he’s pretty upset. I’ll be home as soon as I can. I love you. Bye.

So she did break up with him. I figured she would. God, Tré must feel like shit. I grabbed my hoodie again and ran out the door to my car.

I pulled into Tré’s driveway and ran up to the door, knocking furiously. Mike finally answered and pulled me inside. “He’s in his room, Billie’s in the kitchen getting him something to drink."

I hurried to his room and gently pushed open the door. Tré was laying on his bed, asleep by the look of him. I sat down on the bed next to him. His cheeks were stained with dried tears. I reached out and softly stroked his hair. That’s when I noticed the little black velvet box in his right hand. He was clutching it to his chest and inside was the most beautiful engagement ring I’d ever seen. “Oh Tré,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”