I Can't Believe This

“You know, we’ve been back together for almost a month now,” Billie Joe said, walking into the bathroom where I was currently straightening my hair.

I smiled and set my hair brush down. “Yes, we have.” I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck, then pecked his lips. “And what a great three and half weeks it’s been.”

Billie smirked and waggled his eyebrows. “It was way more than great.”

I laughed and pushed him off of me and turned to face the mirror again. “If you keep distracting me like this I’m never going to finish getting ready,” I pointed out, looking at his reflection.

His eyebrows raised and a grin appeared on his face. “I’m distracting?”

“Why don’t you take bow?” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

His grin widened. “Okay, I’ll leave you alone, since you can’t think about anything other than me when I’m around.” He disappeared from the bathroom and I heard the bedroom door close with a light click.

I finished with my hair and went back into the bedroom to search for something to wear. I was going to meet Emilie in about twenty minutes to grab some coffee and just hang out. Since Billie Joe and I had gotten back together, I really hadn’t seen her much.

I slipped my feet into a comfortable pair of flip-flops and went downstairs. I kissed Billie goodbye and exited the house, making my way down the street.

I was actually kind of nervous about meeting Emilie. Not because I hadn’t seen her in awhile, but because of where we were meeting. She’d suggested the coffee shop right in between our houses, since we both only lived about five minutes away.

I’d hesitated when she had suggested it because that’s where Ethan worked. I hadn’t talked to him since Billie Joe and I had gotten back together either. Although I was thinking that was because he was mad at me or something. When I’d talked to him on the phone briefly three weeks ago he’d said he was happy about Billie and I, but there had been an undercurrent in his voice of something else, confusion and anger, I’d decided.

I turned the corner a few minutes later and strode up to the entrance of the small coffee shop. Pulling open the doors, I kept my head down and went to find a table. I sat at the one farthest from the counter, and I faced the window.

I sat there for about ten minutes, just staring out the window, trying to find Emilie in the throng of people that were walking up and down the sidewalks.

One light, one mind
Flashing in the dark,
Blinded by the silence of
A thousand broken hearts…

I jumped and reached into my pocket to grab my cell phone, earning a few dirty looks when I flipped it open. I glared at the three people watching me and went back to staring out the window. “Hello?”

“Lisa!”

“Emilie, where are you?” I scanned the crowd again, but didn’t see her.

She didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes.

“You’re not coming are you?” I said flatly, letting a sigh escape my mouth.

“I’m sorry, but I got called into work about ten minutes ago and I almost forgot to call you.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Sorry,” she apologized, sounding guilty.

“No big deal. We’ll just hang out some other time,” I said dismissfully.

“Are you already at the coffee shop?”

I looked around me for a moment, taking in the other customers and sighed again. “No,” I lied. “You caught just in time.” No need to make her feel even worse.

She let out a breath of air. “Okay, good. I was hoping I would catch you in time. Well, I have to go, but I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, see you.” I closed my phone and stuffed it back into my pocket, then stood up. I needed caffeine.

I made my way up to the counter, hoping that Ethan wouldn’t be working. I scanned the employees behind the counter. None of them looked like Ethan. Good. “Can I get a caramel moccochino?” I asked the woman behind the counter.

A moment later I had my drink paid for and I was about to turn around to go sit down again. I swiveled around and crashed right into someone. My coffee hit the floor and basically exploded, sending coffee everywhere. “Oh God, I’m so sorry!” I bent to pick up the cup. “I didn’t see you,” I said, as I straightened up. That’s when I noticed that the person in front of me was wearing an apron just like the other employees. Oh great, knowing my luck it’s probably a manager or something.

I looked up and stifled a gasp. Nope. It was much worse than a manger. “Hey,” I said timidly.

Amusement was evident in Ethan’s eyes, and his lips twitched, trying to fight a smile. “Hey yourself, klutz.”

I scowled at him. “Well maybe if you hadn’t been standing right behind me, I wouldn’t have bumped into you,” I shot back.

“Bumped into me?” he repeated, grinning. “You almost made me fall over backwards and smack my head on that table right there.”

I rolled my eye. “I did not.”

“Right.”

“Oh, shut up.” I glared one more time, then smiled. “Sorry. Really.”

He shrugged and pulled off his apron. “It’s okay, I just got off work, so I don’t have to clean it up.” He grinned and went to sit down at the table I had just been at.

I sat across from him and laughed. “Nice.”

“That’s me.” His smile faltered and he looked down at his hands. “Can I ask you something?” he said seriously.

“Sure,” I answered, feeling nervous.

He didn’t look at me as he spoke. “Why did you take him back?” His voice was hushed, barely reaching me.

Butterflies swarmed my stomach. I knew he was going at ask something like that. “Well,” I began, not sure of what to say.

“I mean, he kissed his ex-wife while you were right there.” He lifted his gaze to mine. The expression on his face was angry and confused.

“It’s complicated,” I conceded. “I mean, yeah, he kissed her, but if was an accident.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes. “And accident. Right. How can a kiss be an accident?”

Okay, it wasn’t an accident, but he really didn’t mean to. It was a mistake.”

“A mistake. Of course.” He sighed.

“We’ve talked about it. I know he loves me, and that’s all in the past now,” I concluded.

“How can you be sure?” he asked, eyeing me.

I glared at him leaning back as far as my chair would allow me. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.

“It means, that he cheated once, he could do it again.”

“I can’t believe you! What happened to being happy for me? What happened to ‘Oh, that’s awesome!’?”

He smiled, but his eyes were troubled. “I lied. I don’t think it’s awesome. I really think you could do better than him. You should be with someone who won’t kiss another woman.”

“It was a mistake!” I yelled. I pushed my chair back from the table and walked to the exit. I pushed the door open with enough force for it to hit the wall, then began to walk down the street.

A hand clamped down on my shoulder and spun me around. “Okay, I get that it was a mistake. But are you sure you can really trust him?” Ethan’s eyes searched mine, waiting for an answer.

“Yes, I can. I trust him completely.” I shrugged out of his grasp and folded my arms over my chest. “And besides, Billie and I are even anyway. He kissed someone else and I, unfortunately, kissed you.”

“That wasn’t cheating though. You two were already broken up,” he pointed out.

“That’s just a technicality.”

“Right. Although, if you really want to be even, you should kiss someone now because you two are actually together.”

My eyes narrowed.

“You could kiss me, for example.” A smiled played on his lips.

“Arg! You are such an obnoxious asshole!” I spun around and started away from him, only to be stopped again.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m not going to say congratulations, but I am sorry for bringing up all that other stuff,” he apologized.

I turned around and stared at him. “So you still aren’t going to be happy for me? Even though I’m happy?”

He sighed. “I’m happy your happy,” he allowed, “but I’m not happy that you’re happy with him.” His eyes darkened. “I’m sorry I can’t be happy for you. But I believe you should be with someone else.”

“Yeah, I got that. But you know what? If you still want to apart of my life, then you’re going to have to get over it!” I snapped.

“I can try.”

“Try?” I said, incredulously. “Trying isn’t good enough.”

“That’s all I can offer.”

I deliberated for a moment. I really did want to be friends with Ethan still, but not if he was going to act like this every second I was with him.

“Fine. Try.”

He grinned and pulled me into a hug. “I will.” He released me and grinned again.

“What?” I asked, suspiciously.

“Oh nothing. But, um, how about trying out that kiss now?” he asked hopefully.

I whacked his arm. “No. And that’s another thing. If we’re going to be friends, you can’t behave like this around me either.”

“Because you don’t like it, or because you don’t want to admit that you do like it?”

“Asshole, party of one,” I hissed.

“All right. Sorry.” He held up his hands in surrender.

“You better be.”

“So, want to hang out?” he asked.

“Well, I was going to just go home, since Emilie flaked out on me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Come one. This is what friends do, hang out with each other.” He nudged my arm and grinned.

“Well, I guess we could, sure.”

***

“Oh God! The look on that woman’s face when you asked her if they had that dress in a men’s size was priceless,” I said, laughing.

“I know. I can’t believe she actually thought I was serious though. I mean, do I look like the cross dressing type to you?”

I stopped walking and turned to look at him. “Yes, you do.”

Ethan’s face crumpled into faux horror and sadness. “I’m hurt!”

I laughed and pushed him. “Come on, keep walking.” I glanced at my watch and froze. Holy fucking shit. 7:42 PM. “Fuck!”

Ethan face creased with worry. “What?”

“I need to go. Fuck! We’ve been hanging out for over five hours!”

“So?”

“So, I need to go. I told Billie I’d be back by six.”

“So, just tell him you lost track of time. What’s he going to do, ground you?” He snorted, but didn’t smile.

I glared at him. “He’s not my father, asshole. But when I say I’ll be back at a certain time, I always try to be back by then. Not an hour and forty-four minutes later!”

“Well, we’re only five minutes away. No biggie.”

I took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. True. My home was right around the corner. No big deal. The only thing I needed to figure out now was what I was going to tell Billie. Of course, I knew I had to tell him that I’d been with Ethan all day, but I had to figure out a way to do it so he wouldn’t get mad. Good luck, I thought to myself.

“Come on, I’ll walk you.”

“No!” I yelled. “Um, no thanks. I can get there. It was fun hanging out with you, see you around,” I said, walking away.

“Will he be mad?”

I jumped and looked beside me. Ethan was keeping stride. “Probably,” I admitted.

“What bullshit. We were just hanging out. Two friends,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, but with your and Billie’s history, he may not like that little fact, you know?”

He nodded. “The fight. Right.”

“Yeah, the fight.” I grimaced. A fight that had been over me. Why the hell was I stupid enough to get into these situations? You’d think that after everything that had happened, I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize mine and Billie’s relationship. I was a fucking idiot.

“Well, if you let me walk you, then I’ll just explain to him what we did all day. Tell him that I only made three passes at his girlfriend and she rejected all of them.”

I raised my eyebrow. “You only made two passes at me.”

He grinned. “The night is still young.”

“Whatever. You’re not walking me, okay?”

“Fine,” he said, defeated. “But I want a goodnight hug.”

“You never quit, do you?”

“Not when there’s something or someone I really want.” He pulled me against him and wrapped his arms around me. “Goodnight,” he whispered, brushing a kiss onto my cheek.

I pushed him away and glared. “What the fuck was that for?”

“I told you I was going to make three passes at you.” Then he disappeared down the street.

“Asshole,” I muttered.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to be friends with him. Obviously he wasn’t going to stop pulling this type of shit, so it was probably better to just get him out of my life. Although, I didn’t wasn’t to do that. Guilt gnawed at my stomach. Truth was, I think I had a crush on Ethan. Stupid, I know. But true, nonetheless. But it was nothing close to what I felt for Billie Joe. I only liked Ethan because he was cute and liked me. I felt flattered. I shook my head.

“Yep. I need him to stay out of my life,” I whispered to myself, as I walked up the path to my home.

I unlocked the front door and dropped my keys on the table in the living room. “Billie!” I called. “I’m home!”

I heard footsteps on the stair and a second later Billie was in front of me. “Hey,” he greeted me. “Did you have fun?”

My eyes narrowed. “You’re not mad?” I asked.

His eyes widened in shock. “Why would I be mad?” He tilted his head in confusion.

“I said I’d be home about two hours ago.”

He snorted and grinned. “So? I’m not your father.” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek.

I let out the breath I hadn’t even known I’d been holding. He wasn’t mad. At least, not yet. “I need to tell you something,” I confessed.

“Okay, what?” He pulled me to the couch and sat down, the pulled me onto his lap.

He began lightly kissing my neck, sucking ever so slightly once in awhile.

My heart sped up, and my head tilted to the side automatically, letting him have better access to my throat. “Billie, I um, wait. I want you to stop for a minute.”

I felt him grin against my skin. “You really want me to stop?’ he asked, trailing kisses across my collar bone.

“No, but I need you to stop.”

He lifted his head and looked at me, confused again, as I slid off his lap and settled next to him.

“Okay, what did you need to tell me?” His eyes were weary.

“Emilie flaked out on me today.”

He waited for more of an explanation. When I didn’t answer, he prompted me again. “Okay?”

“So I was going to come back here, but I ran into someone and we hung out for awhile.” The words were tumbling out my mouth.

“Why are you nervous?” he asked, concern coloring his voice.

“What?” I cleared my throat. “I’m not nervous. What makes you say that?" I laughed a little, trying to act casual.

“Because if your hands were balled up any tighter, they’d be permanently stuck that way.” His hands wound around mine, pushing them back open.

“Oh, uh, yeah.” I lowered my gaze to the floor, dreading what I had to say next. “Okay, well I ran into…” I trailed off.

“Into who?” Billie Joe asked patiently.

“Ethan,” I whispered.

“Who?”

I sighed and looked up at his beautiful face. “Ethan. I ran into Ethan, literally, and we hung out for awhile. But nothing happened. We’re just friends. We walked around downtown and went into a couple of stores—I bought a new tank top there, it’s red— and drank coffee. Then we walked back here.” I looked at my hands, waiting for the eruption.

What I got instead was laughing.

I looked up to see Billie Joe laughing hysterically. “What?”

“Nothing, I’ve just never—never seen you talk so…so…so fast before.” He continued laughing. “I only caught Ethan, nothing happened, and tank top.” Slowly his laughing subsided, until he was quiet again.

“You’re not mad that I was with Ethan?”

He shrugged indifferently, but I could see the slight tightening around his eyes. “I’m not mad. I don’t like that guy“—I raised my eyebrows—”Okay, I hate him. But he’s your friend. You can hang out with whoever you want. As long as nothing happened, I’m good.” He grinned and kissed me lightly. “But if something did happen, I wouldn’t really blame you,” he admitted.

“What?” I asked, shocked.

“I kissed Adrienne; I wouldn’t blame you for getting back at me.”

The look on his face made me want to cry. I was being a selfish bitch. All I had been worrying about was myself. I hadn't even stopped to think about what he was feeling or thinking. I reached out and placed my hands on both sides of his face. “Billie Joe Armstrong, I would never do that. And you can stop feeling guilty, it’s all in the past. I love you and you love me. That’s all we need to be sure of.” Then I kissed him.

He nodded once I pulled away and smiled. “Okay.” He leaned in again and kissed me, his tongue tracing my lower lip. I slid my hands down his chest, and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

He pulled back, his face slightly flushed. “But if he ever does try something with you, I swear I will kick his sorry ass.”