I Can't Believe This

“Let me get that,” Billie said, pushing open the door.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. “Billie, I’m fine. Really, I can open a door.”

We walked into the living room of our home and Billie Joe closed the door behind us, setting down the bag he had packed for me in case I’d needed to stay in the hospital longer. The last few days had been terrible. In fact, the past two weeks had been some of the roughest days of my and Billie’s lives. Too much time had been spent in the hospital, first with Billie’s accident and then my spill down the stairs. Although being in the hospital hadn’t been the only thing that had made the last couple of weeks hard. Billie and I had been having some problems, but I had a feeling that after our talk last night about our baby and our future, things were going to be much better.

“I know, but I want to help you. And I realize that I was a total pain in the ass when you tried to help me after the accident, but I’m hoping you’ll be a better person and let me do things for you. Especially after what I did.” His voice dropped off to an almost inaudible level as he said the last part. His eyes filled with tears and he looked away from me.

I crossed the small space between us and wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to make eye contact with him. “Billie, look at me.”

He didn’t move his head.

I put my hands on either side of his face and turned it toward me. “Billie, “ I started once I’d made eye contact. “You can’t keep dwelling on what happened. I’m fine, the baby is fine. Really, it’s okay.”

He stared at me for a moment in disbelief. “How can you say that? How can you possibly say that it’s okay. I pushed you down the stairs. I could have killed you, and our baby.” He bit his lip and placed a hand on my stomach. “I lashed out, you can’t just forgive me for something like that.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I can forgive you for something like that, and I did.” I leaned forward and kissed him softly. “Billie Joe, I love you. And nothing is going to change that. We went through a rough patch, all couples do, but we have to move on. And you didn’t hurt me or the baby.”

He looked at me then leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine. “I am so sorry. And I swear to you, nothing like that is ever going to happen again.”

“I know Billie Joe, I know.” I kissed him once more then grabbed his hand. “How about some TV before we go to bed?”

Billie smiled and gently squeezed my hand. “I love you so much.”

***

“Coffee, coffee, coffee, “ I sang, walking into the kitchen. I sat down on a stool across from Billie Joe and smiled as he poured me a cup. “Good morning.”

Billie came around to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, nuzzling his face into my hair. “Good morning,” he whispered. He laid a kiss on my neck then pulled free. “How’d you sleep?” I could still hear a faint trace of worry in his voice.

“Wonderfully. So what are we going to be doing until you have to go to the studio?” I asked, taking another sip of my coffee. I looked up when he didn’t answer right away. “Billie? You’re still going to the studio today, right?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “Well, I was thinking that maybe I would skip that for today.”

I knew Billie was still going to be concerned about me, but this was ridiculous. He couldn’t put everything on hold just because he wanted to be here if I needed him. “Billie, go to the studio.” I smiled at him, hoping that I was being reassuring. “Really, if I need you, I know your number, and the studio is only four miles away,” I pointed out.

“I wasn’t staying because of you. I know you’re okay. I was just thinking that maybe I should stay because of all the stress lately, you know with the accident and then with you’re pregnancy. I just,” he trailed off, obviously not even sounding convincing to himself either. He shifted uncomfortably and smiled at me. “What if you need me, and I’m not here?”

I smiled at his concern. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

He opened his mouth to argue with me, but I held up my hand. “Alright. How about this? How about I come with you to the studio. That way if I need anything you’ll be right there and if you need anything I’ll be able help you too. How does that sound?”

I could tell that he was trying to think of a way to get me to change my mind and just stay home, but in the end he agreed on the condition that I wouldn’t walk around a lot since the doctor had said to stay off my ankle as much as possible to avoid further sprain.

I told him that was perfectly fine with me as long as he did the same since he wasn’t supposed to be up and moving around a lot either.

“How come you always only worry about me? Why don’t you ever worry about yourself?” he asked, hugging me to his chest.

I laughed and looked up at him. “Because I just took a spill down some stairs, you got hit by a car. I think you win this round.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Wow.”

***

Billie Joe and I entered the studio and were immediately greeted by Tre running up to us and enveloping me in a hug. “Lisa! The proud mother to be. How you doing babe?”

I laughed as he lifted me off the ground and twirled me around. “I’m great Tre, thanks. And how are you?”

“Incredibly good. Glad to see both of you out of the hospital and not fighting.” He smiled, set me down and proceeded to give Billie Joe a pat on the back. “So, Daddy, How ya doing? You nervous about bringing another Armstrong brat into the world?”

Billie Joe snorted. “Hardly.” He put his arm around my waist and gently rubbed my flat stomach. “I can’t wait to meet him or her.”

“Well good.” Tre clapped his hands and turned back to me. “So, given any more thought to who is going to be godfather? I mean, yeah, Mike may be all responsible, but the kid is going to want to live a little, it should have a fun godfather.”

I rolled my eyes and put my arm around Tre’s shoulder. “We haven’t decided anything yet, but when we do, you’ll be one of the first to know.”

He considered this for a minute, then shrugged. “Fine.” He smiled and ruffled my hair. “Now, ball and chain, let your boy play some music!”

I looked at Tre in disbelief. “Ball and chain? Excuse me?” I reached out to hit him but he was gone before I could. “Asshole,” I muttered, laughing a little.

Billie Joe rolled his eyes, grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. “You’re definitely not a ball and chain.”

I smiled. “Good. Now let’s go before Tre feels the need to call me other things in order to get you out there playing.”

I took a seat on a couch that was near the chair Billie was sitting on. Since he still had to use his crutches for another week or so, he’d decided to sit down while playing.

Mike came over and kissed the top of my head. “How you doing?”

“I’m good. Glad to be past all the problems.”

“I’ll bet. And how is the beautiful future child?” He poked my stomach. “I’m going to be the godfather right?”

“Oh god, not you too. Tre was just pestering me about that. We’ll let you know. Promise.”

He pouted. “Oh fine.”

“Both of you are children.”

He shrugged and smiled. Oh well. Growing old doesn’t necessarily mean that you grow up. Take Billie for example.”

Billie Joe’s head snapped up. “What about me?”

I laughed. “Nothing, babe, nothing.”

He looked at a second longer. “Okay?”

Mike and both laughed and told him to forget about it.

“Hey guys,” Jason said, walking into the room. “Billie, you’re here.” He looked in my direction and smiled. “And the mommy. Hi Lisa.”

“Hey Jason.”

After everyone showed up they began to play some of the new material they had been working on for awhile. It sounded great. No doubt another amazing CD in their future. Billie Joe had been talking about all the new things they had been wanting to try, like adding more piano, and it definitely worked. I could tell they were all excited about the music they were creating. I was excited too, but Billie had said about a month ago that they planned to release the new CD in May. Which meant that after the baby had been born there wouldn’t be that much time before Billie Joe would have to go on tour. I rubbed my stomach affectionately. We’d figure something out. I knew Billie wouldn’t leave me or the baby so soon. He’d probably end up suspending the tour for awhile. Or so I hoped.

Two hours later the session ended, all members of the world famous rock band thoroughly satisfied with the progress they had made. Billie Joe and I were just getting up to leave when my phone went off. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked the number. It was Ethan. I hit send and put it up to my hear. “Hey.”

“Hey. I heard you had a tumble down the stairs and I just wanted to call to make sure you were okay.”

“Emilie?” I asked, already knowing the answer. She’s come in to see how I was after Tre had called her.

“Of course.” He laughed, but fell silent again. “So, how’s the baby? I was really worried. I mean, a lot of--”

“The baby is just fine, “ I said, cutting him off. I didn’t want to think about what could have happened to the baby. I walked a little farther away from the Billie and the others, so I could talk privately.

He let out a breath and I could hear the smile in his voice. “That’s great. I can’t wait to meet the little guy.”

“Or girl.”

“Or girl,” he conceded. “Speaking of which, do you want a boy or a girl?”

I thought about it for a moment. Did it really matter? Not really. As long as it was healthy. “Either. Although, I think that Billie Joe wants a girl.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Well, he’s already had two sons. I mean, he must want to mix things up a little. That, and we went to the store today during his break and we walked past some baby clothes and I noticed him eyeing the girl clothing.”

Ethan laughed. “Well, he might. But I highly doubt that when it comes right down to it that he will care either way. As long as it’s healthy,” he added, echoing my thought.

“I guess so. So what have you been up today?”

“Nothing, actually. I was going to work, but someone else asked to switch shifts with me, so I’ve just been bumming around town.”

“Nice.” A sudden thought struck me and I bit my lip, tying to decide if it would be a good idea with all that had been going on recently. I had just opened my mouth, but Ethan beat me to it.

“Want to get together? I want to see if you look any different.” He laughed.

I rolled my eyes. “You dork. I’m not going to look any different, I’m only a couple of weeks pregnant.”

“So? I’ll bet you that you have a little motherly glow going on.”

I snorted. “I doubt it. I don’t think that happens until my stomach starts growing.”

“Still, want to? I’d love to see you.”

“Actually, I was going to ask you the same thing, so sure. What time and where?” I checked the clock on the wall. 5:30PM.

“Can you meet me at the coffee shop in about twenty minutes?”

“Sure. Sounds great.”

“Alright, cool. See you then.”

“See you,” I said, and hung up my phone.

“What sounds great?” Billie asked, coming over to me.

“Oh, um, that was Ethan. He wants to get together, have some coffee.”

I still felt weird about mentioning Ethan around Billie Joe. He had said that he was okay with us being friends, but after what had happened in the record store and Billie’s stay in the Intensive Care Unit, I wasn’t sure if he would still feel that way.

“Oh.” He said. His eyes tightened a little, but he didn’t say anything against the idea. “That’s cool. I’ll drop you off, then head home, I guess.”

He wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but I could tell he was trying to be nice about it. I laced our hands together and pulled him over to me. “Thank you,” I whispered, just loud enough so that he could hear me. “I won’t be long, I promise.”

Smiling he bent and kissed me.

***

I walked into the brightly lit café and scanned the crowd for the familiar black hair. I sat down across from Ethan, and smiled. “Hey.”

He looked at me and grinned, “Hey, gorgeous.”

I raised my eyebrows in disapproval. “Ethan,” I warned.

“Relax, that wasn’t a come on or anything. It was just the truth.”

“And that you believe it is what is unsettling.”

He wasn’t affected by what I’d said at all. “Well you are. And you know, you do have a certain glow about you now.”

“Oh whatever, I do not.”

“No, really, you do.” He studied me a little longer, not saying anything. It was beginning to make me uncomfortable when he finally broke the silence. “So, thought of any names yet?”

“Nope,” I replied, smiling. “Haven’t even given it a single thought. Been a little busy, you know. Lots of trips to the hospital recently.”

His face sobered. “I know. I’m sorry, Lisa, that you’ve had to go through so much lately. Emilie told me what happened the night you fell down the stairs.” His eyes clouded for a minute with anger, but he took a deep breath and smiled tightly at me. “You don’t how hard it was for me to stay away that night. I was going to come and see how you were doing, but I was afraid I might beat the shit out of your boyfriend.”

I scowled at him.

He held up a hand. “But,” he continued, “I know that wouldn’t have helped and only ended with you being pissed at me. Again,” He added. “And I’m tired of having you be angry with me. It’s rather counter productive in a friendship.”

Laughing, I shook my head. “You know, you are really good at making me not want to be pissed at you. You’re always able to talk your way out of those situations.”

“Well, I try. The cause is worth the effort.”

Ethan and I talked for awhile longer, mainly about the baby and how different things were going to be. When I’d mentioned that Mike and Tre were fighting over being godfather he’d told me to settle it by choosing him. I’d declined. Like that would have gone over well the Billie Joe, or Mike and Tre for that matter.

Ethan drove me home and as we pulled up to the curb in front of my house the silence in the car was almost deafening. “So, I guess I’ll be seeing you later,” I said, unbuckling my seatbelt and opening the door.

Ethan unbuckled his seatbelt and pivoted in his seat to face me. “Call me if you need anything, alright? Day or night.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you later”

I nodded, an uneasy knot forming in the pit of my stomach. Ethan still didn’t seem to be getting the message that we were only friends. That or I was just overreacting. I got out of the car, waved, and then walked up to the front door. I really needed to figure out my relationship with Ethan. He was a great friend, but I knew he wished that we were more. He’d been trying to keep himself in check, but I didn’t know if he was actually trying all that hard. I sighed and pushed open the door. “I’m home, “ I called out.