Into Abeyance

She followed Steve through a house in the darkness, she squinted her eyes in an attempt to see more clearly what was in front of her and to not knock anything down. The house was much more different from what she remembered it to be: before, it used to be quite empty with only purposeful furniture and now, it was completely packed with lots of small tables with portraits, books thrown around, paper, magazine, dirty coffee cups, and dog toys. It wasn’t dirty, though, just cursed with someone’s lack of organization skills.
Lia sat on the grayish couch and Steve on the one facing it. He sat with his legs crossed in an Indian style and his chocolate eyes never meeting Lia’s. They sat there on an uncomfortable silence until Lia coughed and started mumbling as her fingers played with the hem of her shirt,

“I came here to see you.”

Silence. Lia shrugged and raised her voice a bit higher,

“I came here-“

“I heard you.”

He responded in a tone not louder than her’s.

“Then why don’t you talk?”

“I have nothing to say nor add about that.”

He stated, still finding everything on his house much more interesting than Lia.

“I’ve been living in the city this whole time...It’s been tough but I like it. I finished school, studied Literature like I had always wanted to...got a job, bought an apartment with a roommate...went to raves, got myself drunk and high...bought clothes...met some men...”

“I’m glad you’re accomplishing any of this town’s kids dreams.”

He mumbled sarcastically as her words trailed off. Lia scoffed.

“What’s up with the cold shoulder, Steve?”

She bawled, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Are you seriously asking me this?”

He roared, his fiery eyes meeting hers for the first time. She lifted her chin and held his gaze. He was waiting for her to answer.

“Yes, I am.”

She said fiercely.

“You fucking left! You left your brothers! You left me! You never fucking called! Was I supposed to wait for you for ever? I’m sorry, did I not get your fucking smoke signals? After you left everything fucking collapsed!”

“And you blame me for this?!”

She shrieked, violently slapping her hand against the table in front of her.

“I’m sorry for fucking moving on, okay?! I’m sorry for not staying with my puppy love for ever!”

She snarled, once again crossing her arms over her chest and huffing.

“I’m not even saying that! You don’t get it! You left your family! Who do you think had to stitch up your brothers when Patrick got violent? Who do you think had to hear them cry for nights on end? I’m not blaming you with what happened in my life, nor for not being my girlfriend anymore if that’s what we fucking were! I don’t even blame you for you physically leaving. I’m fucking angry cause you left in every sense, you walked to your damned city and never looked back on the people that needed you and you don’t even show remorse on that!”

He roared, his eyes big and scary, his teeth showing in a violent gesture. Lia was quiet. Her lip quivered and she hoped the lack of light didn’t let him see her like that.

“You’re right.”

She mumbled, her eyes scanning the floor.

“You’re right...I-“

She stood up as her words started to tremble. Her feet quickly led her into Steve’s small bathroom and she locked herself in.

“What the fuck?! You just don’t barge into another person’s bathroom! Get the fuck out!”

Lia sat on the floor, the coldness seeping through her clothes mercilessly. Her limbs slowly accommodated on a fetal positions as her tears rolled down her cheeks in a haste. She could feel her body shaking and the numbness starting to crawl over her.

Did I really fuck everyone’s life to that extent?
I knew I was being selfish at leaving...but if I had stayed?
Could’ve I made it better?
Why didn’t I come back?
Why didn’t I call?
Why was I so afraid?
Why am I such a coward?
Why can’t I do anything right?
Why....

He could hear her sobbing, and could easily imagine her shaking on the floor. She hated anyone to see her in a fragile state, and he knew that. Through the door he heard her mumbling ‘why, why’.

“I don’t know.”

He whispered. He really didn’t know the answer to any of the questions that might be racing through her head like a bullet through a flock of doves, killing all of her hopes and self-satisfaction. She was a mess, no matter how she tried to cover it up. She hadn’t changed much from what she had been when she had left. But her pride had been shattered, that was for sure. It must’ve been hidden somewhere around this town’s streets.
He pressed his fist against the wood door and he knew right there he had been cruel. More cruel than she deserved. She was a kid then, she had acted on impulse, she had done what she had thought was right. It’s not like they had taught her better. Everyone in her life left. They all left her to rot in a pit of sadness and disappointment.
He didn’t want to be one of them.

“Liliana, come out...”

He mumbled. His words surprised him.
Why am I calling her like this? I know she hates it! Even I do!

“Lil...come on Lily...unlock the door...Lil....”

Her sobs carried on, the continuous ‘Why, why’ tearing both of their hearts apart. He searched in his head thinking where he had possibly placed the key of that bathroom. He groaned in frustration as he walked towards the kitchen and went for screwdriver and a knife.

“Lily, either you open it or I open it.”

He mumbled for the last time, not on a menacing tone. She didn’t even stir. He quickly took the screws away and the handle clicked and thumped as it hit the floor. Lia whimpered. He opened the door hastily and saw her just as he had known she was going to be: a wrecked doll in fetal position, tears streaming down her face, a scared expression painter upon her face. He walked towards her and wrapped his strong and tanned arms around her body.