All You Need Is Love
All You Need Is Love; A Hogwarts Love Story 21
Sometimes you have to get away from everything for it to make sense. This is what I tell myself, over and over until it becomes a rhythm that matches my heartbeat, as the car pulls away from the Malfoy Manor.
I rest my hands against my stomach, strangely self-conscious though it is just as flat as always. My fingers twist in the light cotton of my white blouse and I stare determinedly down at my thin, jean-covered thighs.
It doesn't matter, I tell myself, but it does. It was just a job. And now its over. I can tell myself all the pretty lies I want, but it doesn't change the truth: that the seat beside me was as empty as my arms felt. I missed Draco and the safety he had made me feel for once. Now I was going back to Hogwarts, a week early, and I was going alone.
I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like when everyone came back: would they know the Dark Lord's plan? Would they know that I had spent the summer living with Draco? Would everyone know that I was pregnant?
I wouldn't be able to play Chaser anymore, I realized, and if my Gryffindor friends found out about Draco and me, well, they wouldn't exactly be my friends anymore. Mostly, though, I wondered about seeing Harry. Would it be one of those movie-drama moments with hugs and tears? Would he understand? Talk to me at all?
Still, it was the waiting and wondering that hurt the most. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back against the seat and rested, seeing the two faces I always thought of behind my eyes. They were opposites in so many ways and hated each other more than words could explain, so how was it possible that I loved them both?
I rest my hands against my stomach, strangely self-conscious though it is just as flat as always. My fingers twist in the light cotton of my white blouse and I stare determinedly down at my thin, jean-covered thighs.
It doesn't matter, I tell myself, but it does. It was just a job. And now its over. I can tell myself all the pretty lies I want, but it doesn't change the truth: that the seat beside me was as empty as my arms felt. I missed Draco and the safety he had made me feel for once. Now I was going back to Hogwarts, a week early, and I was going alone.
I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like when everyone came back: would they know the Dark Lord's plan? Would they know that I had spent the summer living with Draco? Would everyone know that I was pregnant?
I wouldn't be able to play Chaser anymore, I realized, and if my Gryffindor friends found out about Draco and me, well, they wouldn't exactly be my friends anymore. Mostly, though, I wondered about seeing Harry. Would it be one of those movie-drama moments with hugs and tears? Would he understand? Talk to me at all?
Still, it was the waiting and wondering that hurt the most. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back against the seat and rested, seeing the two faces I always thought of behind my eyes. They were opposites in so many ways and hated each other more than words could explain, so how was it possible that I loved them both?