Memories That Fade Like Photographs

Life only gets harder as the days go on, rushing by leaving me in a daze and my memory fogged.

I think I fallen into depression. But not a real deep depression, I just cant bring myself to smile, laugh or enjoy life in general. Maybe its not depression, its probably just the fact that my boyfriend is no longer committed to our relationship and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Yea, maybe thats it.

Sad thing is...I don't even think Kevin realizes what he's doing.

Sure, he sees the hurt, confusion and desperation on my face and in my eyes as I watch him walk out the door, but does he really see?

Probably not, and the worst part is, I'm totally and utterly powerless to do anything. I have no
way of fixing it. No matter how many hurt glances or love I provide him. He still leaves.

He's the problem

He's the only solution

He's still distant and in some far away land.

Maybe he's cheating on me. It would make sense. It fits perfectly with the puzzle.

NO! Don't think that Alex! He would never do something like that to you!No! Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP!

I let out a loud sob, startling myself as I haven't noticed I have been crying.

"You OK, Alex?"

Alex?...that name sounds so foreign on his lips. It use to be babe, baby, doll, boo, sweetheart or any other form of pet names he could concoct. I guess that all changed when he did

Tearing my eyes away from the TV screen I turned to Kevin. He must of heard me because he's starring at me with concern. Yea, like he really cares.

Nodding, I turn my attention back to the TV wear 'Nightmare On Elm Street' is playing on the screen.

Currently Kevin and I were wrapped in a blanket watching a movie together. Oh...big shocker there. I'm on one side of the couch and Kevin is on the other. Yea, I couldn't even bring myself to cuddle with him anymore.

Pathetic
Shut up!
Make me!
Damn it, I want a new inner voice

"You sure Alex? You look as if you might cry"
I am crying idiot
Oh...feisty *cat claw*
Rolling my eyes I turned to Kevin

"Really, I'm fine. Never been better" I said to him monotone, not caring how unconvincing I sounded.

"No, your not. Come 'mere"

Sighing in defeat I move over to Kevin's side, curling up with his arms around my shoulder as my head rest more on his collarbone.

Moments like these are to die for. If only they could last

"How can you say your fine when your clearly not? You have tears streaming down your face. I don't like liars, Alex"

"And I don't like when my boyfriend ignores me" I mumbled under my breathe, making sure he didn't hear clearly.

But seriously, of course I'm not fine! I haven't been anywhere close to fine in six months. The antithesis of it actually.

What the fuck, why is he running his hand through my hair? Why is he acting like he cares?

Why doesn't he care?

Another tear slipped from my puffy brown eyes, my body racking in silent sobs. These thoughts would be the end of me.

"Alex, babe, tell me what's wrong" Kevin whispered into my ear, upset that I was hiding something from him.

But as soon as those left his lips, I was up, heading for our bedroom, one of the only doors that lock.

But before I reached the door I stopped and whispered something, something that would get to him, something that would make him lose sleep at night. Something that would make him wake up in a different place and with a hang over from hell

Slamming the wooden door, I hurriedly lock it, hearing Kevin's footsteps behind me.

And as i turned around to face the door the same two words stirred in my mind

"...You are"