Memories That Fade Like Photographs

Three days passed and not a word was spoken between Kevin and I

Of course, he has tried but just like that day, I simply told him to leave and that I would talk to him when I was ready

Would I ever be ready?

Would I ever be able to own up to the things I said?

Sure, I spoke of nothing but the truth but the look on his face when those words escaped my lips made me feel like such a dick

It really was all his fault

He's the one that made it this way

But I cant help but feel guilty. I love him after all, and I the last thing I wanna do is see him hurt. But its just not that easy anymore.

I've been staying at Zack's, I even had him get me a few things from my apartment. I couldn’t stand the idea of getting my own shit and possibly seeing Kevin. I knew he would corner me and I, for one, am not willing to be a prisoner in my own home.

Zack is driving me up the wall, the kid is out of control and impossible to calm down

He is to freaking energetic!

But I love him

He's lucky he's cute or I would have kicked his ass a long time ago

...did I just say my best friend was cute?

Wow, I need to get out of this house

Grabbing my car keys and hoodie, I head out the door

Some alone time should do me good. I hope at least

Opening the door to Zack's house, I move just in time to stop Zack from crashing into me

Something has him extra happy

Before I have time to ask, Zack grabs my face kissing me full on the lips

Blinking rapidly, I stare wide eye at him, his eyes never leaving mine and his face showing signs of excitement

Now I'm scared

"Er...Zack?"

He takes a deep breathe before screaming

"WARPED TOUR!"

Maybe I'm just dumb but does that make sense?

"What?"

"WE'RE GOING ON FUCKING WARPED TOUR"

I think my lungs just dropped out of my ass

Taking a deep breathe I grab Zack by the shoulders, staring him straight in the eyes, making sure he isn't lying

"Say that again"

"WARPED TOUR"

"Repeat: Calm and quieter"

"We're playing at Warped Tour, we're staying for the whole tour. We only get a small stage but its something! ITS FUCKING WARPED TOUR ALEX!"

It was my turn to scream

Once me and Zack were able to calm down enough to think straight I asked

"When do we leave?"

Suddenly Zack stopped jumping up and down, bit his lip and starred at me with sad eyes

"Tomorrow morning"

Shit

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I knocked quietly on the door, half praying he wasn’t home

"What do you- Oh! Hey Alex"

Kevin says as he opens the door

He looks as if he hasn’t sleep in days

Probably hasn’t, I know I haven't

I push him aside, walking into our apartment

"How you been?"

I make a weak start at a conversation

Kevin shrugs, sitting on the arm chair

"Holding up as much as you can when you find out you’re the cause of your boyfriends misery"

Ouch?

"Yea, about that. We need to talk Kevin"

Kevin's face dropped. He looks really scared. A bit nauseas even.

"Please don’t Alex. Anything but that"

He's like a fucking mind reader. He really does know me to well

"Kevin, just listen"

"NO! Fuck that! I already know what your going to say so why sit around and wait for it?"

I took a deep breath

"Look, Kevin. This isn't easy for me either but I want you to know why"

"I think you already explained it enough before you walked out on me three days ago"

"Kevin! Would you just shut the fuck up and listen to me!"

Rolling his eyes, he sat back in the chair, staring at me

I sighed, "Thank you"

"Can we just get this over with"

"Shush! Kevin, I love you, you know I do-"

"And I love you too"

"-yes, but I've been thinking and I've come to a decision." I took another deep breathe, this was hurting me a lot more then I was leading on "Ever since you found me in that alley way, we've been together. I've been attached to your hip and dependent on everyone and everything around me. And ever since the first time you just...left me. I've got to thinking. I've realize that I don’t even know myself anymore."

"Yea yea yea, just get to the heart breaking part so I can go drown my sorrows in alcohol"

I frowned, he really was being uncooperative

"Kevin, please...anyway. I want to get to know myself again Kevin. I need to find out where I stand and who I am. And I cant do that when I'm hanging onto you like my life depends on it mainly because my life does or did depend on you. You’re my everything Kevin and I cant have that. I love you but I need to find some stable ground. I need to find myself. And now today, I found out I'm going on tour for the summer. Warped Tour. And I think that this is the perfect opportunity to get reacquainted with not only myself but my other friends."

"So you want to 'take a beak' even though we both know this is really the end of us. You want to go find random dudes to fuck instead of having a steady boyfriend to lean on. You love me but you cant be with me" Kevin says quietly, standing from his chair.

"This isn't the end Kevin" I tried to tell him but he took my arm and dragged me to the door

"Someone can come get your stuff when you get back. Congrats for getting on the tour"

Kevin opened the door, pushing me through it

"Kevin, please don’t be like this"

"Goodbye Alex"

And with that he slammed the door