With Everything I Won't Let This Go

It was the time to go home. I was in conflict with myself in many different ways. Should I tell her? Should I not? Should I go home to my family? Should I stay with my dad? Should I tell someone about what happened with Gerard? Should I not? I was so confused. My inner monologue went something like this:

Telling Kaytee would at least give you some relief. If she said no, it'd be easier to get over her. But what if she said she felt the same? You've never been with a girl. Is it the same as being with a guy? I've only had one proper kiss before, and that was illegitimate; Gerard doesn't count. Or does he? You've always had a crush on him. But I never ever wanted anything to happen. He's married with children, and you yourself are only sixteen. You were fifteen when it happened. And going home... it's not the same. I know they're not my mom and dad, my brother and sister. They're my auntie and uncle, my cousins. But staying with Frank - it's your fault Jamia left, your fault your mom died. But I want to stay with my dad. Learn about the person he is, why he let me go, how he and mom were before me.

Like I said, in total conflict. Sometimes it was out loud, more like an outer monologue. No one ever heard me. They were too busy packing for home, getting all their shit together and laughing together happily. No one noticed me going crazy in my head, talking to myself about issues that weren't even as big as I made them out to myself.

Frank had just smiled when I'd told him I loved Kaytee, like it was a perfectly normal thing. I mean, I knew experimenting with other members of the same sex and opposite sex were normal for teenagers, but this wasn't just a crush. I had real, heart melting, bone crushing feelings for another female.

He'd told me I should tell Kaytee this. He said there's always a chance people can feel the same. He told me that taking risks and taking chances were all a part of being human, that feeling nervous about it was a perfectly normal thing. But I guess it just made me feel worse.

But, on listening to Frank, I suppose I decided to take that chance.

I cornered Kaytee as we were traveling through Wyckoff. She was packing up all her clothes into two different bags: dirty and clean. She turned to see me and smiled wide at me, and I kept myself for melting.

"You remember the conversation we had the other day?" I asked her, my throat dry.

"Oh yes," she giggled, seemingly determined to turn me into mush.

"Well the girl is..." I couldn't finish.

"Me?" she said simply, still smiling.

My blood froze.

"Wh-?" I started, but she cut me off.

"It's obvious and I'm not stupid. You stare at me all the time, you go red when I look at you, and your knees buckle when I smile. So, I knew before those questions," she explained.

"Oh..." I whispered.

She came closer, still smiling, her eyes half open; her smile had changed from a smug one to a warm, loving smile. I pushed myself against the wall, worried about what she was going to do or say.

"Me too," she said simply.

"Huh?" I replied, confused.

"I like you too."

"Oh!" I exclaimed after a few moments of processing this information.

I barely had no chance to smile back at her, when she kissed me. My eyes remained open wide as hers closed slowly. I was in shock; what did I do? I wasn't exactly experienced in the kissing department, especially with a girl. And what did I do afterward? Did I say thank you or did I smile?

So I just closed my eyes and let it flow. One of her arms wrapped round my waist as her other hand gently touched my face. I did the same and she pulled me closer, wrapping both arms round my waist. I wrapped both my arms round the back of her neck; standing on my tiptoes because she was a good two inches taller than me.

It lasted forever, and was like heaven. I was in pure bliss when she pulled away, smiling coyly at me as she bit at her bottom lip. I smiled back, my face incredibly warm and my heart soaring, as the butterflies raged around my stomach, apparently trying to get out and meet the person who was making them so excited.

"Wow..." I breathed, and she giggled.

*

Frank had decided not to let me go home just yet; he needed to phone Erryn first to tell her I knew the big secret. Kaytee had come with me, because Frank had confessed to me that he was considering fostering her; she hated Nevada and Las Vegas and her 'parents'. Frank had told her his idea, and she'd been so happy she'd kissed me again. Frank had just raised an eyebrow at me with a grin, and I just shrugged and grinned back.

So we were sitting on the couch, while Frank wandered around the kitchen on the phone to Social Services, telling them why he wanted to foster Kaytee and how it would benefit her emotionally, financially and socially.

We sat in silence, mostly, occasionally looking at each other, being caught and going red, smiling to ourselves. I wanted to climb onto the roof and tell the whole world that she was my girlfriend and how happy I was, but I figured it would scare her, so I just smiled and turned red when she caught me looking, instead.

"Social said yes!" Frank called, barely poking his head round the door.

Kaytee and I squealed, hugged each other in pure excitement and a little exhilaration. I would be living with the girl I loved, hanging out with her permanently, introducing her to all my friends.

Then fear kicked in. What if she grew to dislike me? I had habits, like everyone else, and I'd been constantly told how annoying I could be, and sometimes clingy. I was untidy sometimes, unorganized always and completely terrible with remembering little things. What if I forgot her birthday? What if I forgot to tell school she was off one day, after I'd been told specifically to tell them?

No, I finally told myself. I had to stop worrying about things like this. Kaytee would not grow to hate me if she already liked me enough to kiss me and tell me she liked me; it wasn't my fault mom died, because the car accident had already set the ball rolling; and it wasn't my fault Jamia left Frank - it wasn't my fault I existed.

A great weight was lifted off my shoulders.

There were no more worries. no more fears and no more reasons to hesitate when living my totally teenage life. I was young, carefree and just free! I had no more to worry about than test results, school, love and the other things normal teenagers worry about.

Suddenly, there was a screech of tires outside. It kept screeching, coming closer and closer until, before we knew it, there was a smash of glass. Shards of sharp glass poured down on our heads before we were shoved forwards in the sofa, a car slamming hard through the wall of Frank's house. It all went dark as I hit the floor.

***
Frank had called the ambulance; Gerard and Mikey were on their way, the three girls Loryn once knew in tow with children. Laurie's friends were called as the two broken girls were taken to hospital.

Laurie had a severe concussion and her right leg was broken in two places; the car had ran over it in its attempt to reverse away. Her face was purple and swollen where she'd hit the floor, and she'd gotten whiplash from the sudden force of being jolted forward. Her neck was surrounded by a cushioning brace, and she'd broken two fingers on her left hand and her big toe on her left foot, as she'd landed awkward on landing.

There wasn't a mark on Kaytee, except for the huge lump on her forehead. When you opened her right eye, you could see that it was swollen and bloodshot. Her brain had been thrust forwards in her skull, bruising it heavily on the right side. She was in a coma. They both were.

The man who had been driving had been convicted of Reckless Driving and two counts of DUI, after being tested positive for alcohol and cocaine. There was no reason to bring the case to the courts - the man was instantly given a sentence of ten years. Manslaughter was hanging in the balance; if both girls survived, he would be out. If one or both died, he'd be sent to prison for life without a chance of parole.

Frank sat at his daughters' bedside, the side in which he could be next to his now foster daughter as well. He held onto both girls' hands, whispering sweet nothings to both of them, praying to whatever being was up there that they'd be alright.

Laurie was just sixteen; Kaytee hadn't made it that far yet.

They were too young to die - they'd just got together. They had so much life to live, whether together or not; it wouldn't be right or fair if they were taken away. Frank had lost two girls in his life. He didn't want to lose to others...
***