I Hate Everything About You

"Fuck!" Sirius Black shouted irately while throwing a glass across the seventh year's dormitory. It shattered into a million glass shards when it hit the stone wall. James Potter dived under the security of his bed comforter. Remus Lupin stood in the doorway frowning. Peter Pettigrew was cowering under his bed.

"Fuck," Sirius sighed, arm going limp at his side. His broad shoulders slumped as his anger began to subside. It was far from gone, but more controlled now, as the minutes wore on. The silence must've assured James and Peter that Sirius was calm enough from throwing any more rather dangerous objects. They slowly came out from their hiding spots. Remus still stood unmoving in the doorway.

"You okay, mate?" James asked Sirius carefully. He didn't want him to blow up again. It was scary seeing him so angry. Usually Sirius was a pretty easy going type of person, unless he's being fucked with. No sexual references intended.

"No, Prongs, I'm not," Sirius finally answered, voice unemotional. He wasn't going to lie, he had been hurt deeply. Nothing could compare to having your heart ripped out. Not even the unbearable abuse at his "home."

"Sirius," Remus began. "I know that what has happened is terrible, but shouldn't you have expected it?" Remus, unlike his friends, wasn't afraid to say what he really thought about the situation. Sirius needed to see the truth. He needed to see that something good always came out of bad experiences. Perhaps, in this situation, seeing a person for who they truly were.

Sirius whirled around, his eyes narrowing into thin grey slits. Remus was unfazed. Sirius could knock him out for all he cared. He only wanted Sirius to see through his own pretense.

"What the hell are you saying? That I'm too blind to see my girlfriend cheating on me?" Sirius questioned, fists clenched. His anger was surging through him again. Not wholly towards Remus. He was mad at himself and mainly Anna.

"Yes," Remus answered simply.

"Well you're mistaken," Sirius retorted. "I saw it happen. It's not hard to understand what was going on. I saw her with him. I saw him in her." His voice broke at the last part. The images he had been trying to suppress came back up, as fresh as the first time.

"That's not what I meant," Remus replied quietly. He could see the pain clearly in Sirius' eyes. His eyes were so grey that they looked like an angry stormy sea.

"Then what did you mean?" Sirius asked harshly.

"I meant that you should have seen this coming. Anna wasn't as discreet as she made herself out to be. If you had paid any attention then you may have seen through her head games." Remus responded serenely, yet with an impeccable force, his golden brown eyes boring into Sirius'.

Sirius didn't say anything. He thought back to all the times Anna had canceled dates with him. How he hardly ever saw her in the common room anymore. She never met him after classes like she used to. He noticed her conversing more with guys than girls lately. How stupid could he have been?! All the cold hard evidence was right in front of him. He thanked the stars that he had Remus. Who else was there to show you how much of an idiot you're being?

His animosity towards Remus evaporated instantly. "Moony you really ought to consider becoming a psychologist." Sirius suggested. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Wow Padfoot, you really are bipolar," James remarked.

"Eh," Sirius shrugged.

"Peter you don't have to hide anymore," James called to the lump under Peters bed covers. He went back to hiding after Sirius' second outburst. "Sirius isn't going to snap." James looked at Sirius quickly. "Your not, are you?"

Sirius laughed his trademark bark like laugh. "No, don't worry Wormtail. I'm not that bipolar."

*~*~* an hour later *~*~*

Sirius was roaming the corridors. He had given up sitting still awhile ago. His mind couldn't stay deterred for long. His thoughts kept going back to that scene. It replayed and rewound in his mind, over and over, agonizingly.

He was glad that he finally could see the truth in his and Anna's relationship. It was built up of lies. He wasn't even going to try to save what little relationship they had left. It was pointless. He could never trust her again. How many other guys had she cheated on him with?

But, he stopped in his tracks; he couldn't see himself without her. She was everything he shouldn't love. Yet, this made him want her all the more. He hated how lost and alone he felt right now. Although isn't that better than feeling betrayed and played with?

Why did he love her? When he hated everything about her? His confusion mounted as more questions plagued his mind. Why did she love him? Did she love him? If so, then why would she cheat on him? Wouldn't she want some less complicated person? Someone who was easier to fuck with?

He grunted in aggravation. He was better off without her. He needed someone he could count on, someone who loved him for him and not just his looks. He was more than he appeared. Sure, he acted as though he was a pompous jackass, but that was all it was, an act – a charade on his real emotions. He didn't want anyone to get too close, for fear of hurting them and himself. He wondered if Anna knew if he knew. He wondered if she would be upset when he finally ended them, squandered the title "us."

He slowly made his way back to the Gryffindor Tower. The castle was oddly quiet. It comforted him for once. He usually liked the chaos of students running around in a frenzy.

Sometimes silence was the loudest sound. Sometimes it was the only thing you needed to get through a day.

"Chocolate," Sirius muttered to the Fat Lady. Honestly, obsessed wasn't even the right term for Remus' love for chocolate or Peters love for cheese. Both of whom were clearly insane.

The portrait door swung open, of course after hearing a lecture on speaking louder. Sirius just rolled his eyes.

"POTTER!" shrieked Lily Evans' voice. Sirius shook his head. Poor James, he thought. He was probably getting chewed out again. James really ought to learn the meaning of no. "I will NOT tolerate this any longer. We have to cooperate now that we are Head Boy and Girl. This means that you can NOT ask me out ten bloody times a day!"

"Tolerate? When have you ever tolerated me? I'm just some silly boy who you continue to yell and scream at, unaware that I actually have feelings." James yelled back, for once. Everyone was stunned, that for the exception of Lily – she was astounded.

Her mouth hung open, her emerald eyes wide with shock. Her face as red as her fiery mane, now not out of anger, but embarrassment. She opened and closed her mouth in an attempt to form words. It looked like she was having problems forming coherent sentences.

"James Potter you are to most insufferable egotistical pigheaded boy I have ever met!" She screamed pulling at her hair, though her eyes softened to warm dazzling emeralds. "And I'm hopelessly in love with you!"

Then Lily did the most unexpected thing she had ever done before, besides admitting that she loved James, that is. She latched her arms around a bewildered James and kissed him. To say that we were stunned before was an understatement.

From the other side of the room Sirius could see Anna making her way to him, her bleached blonde hair swaying with her every step. Her face was caked with makeup. He never noticed before how much makeup crap she used. It made her look ugly in a way. His eyes instinctively swerved down to the very low V-neck she wore. Her "assets" jiggled with the sashaying of her hips. He ripped his eyes away, scolding himself for indulging in something he shouldn't.

But he couldn't help look at her. She had a very nice body. A body he knew so well. As she approached him, he hardened his eyes so she couldn't tell how hurt he was. This gave him a very cold and distant look. She glanced swiftly up at him. She knew what was coming, he could tell by her eyes. They deceived her.

"Hey baby what's wrong?" Anna asked in a soft voice. She reached out to touch him, but he pulled away. Her hand froze in midair. Her expression hurt by his rejection.

"Sirius what happened?" She asked panicky when he still hadn't answered her. Her voice was becoming uncontrolled, showing her emotions which she didn't want to show.

"You know what's wrong," Sirius stated icily. He watched her play dumb by scrunching up her eyebrows in confusion. She was very good at manipulating people – playing people.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," she answered defensively. Classic line, he thought. Anyone who says that line damn well knows what the other person is talking about. They would rather pretend like a coward instead of confronting it bravely. Sirius never understood weak people. That was another thing he hated about Anna. She always found the easy way out of things.

"Don't play dumb, Anna, you know as well as I what occurred earlier today," Sirius replied. "Need I remind you of a certain Lucius Malfoy."

Anna's face reddened in not embarrassment, but anger. Behoove of her to ever take the blame for her actions. Another thing he hated about her.

"You think I cheated on you? I'm your girlfriend!" She exclaimed outraged at the mere thought.

"I know you cheated on me. I saw you," Sirius explained grinding his teeth together. It took every ounce of his will not to hit her. He didn't hit women. He wasn't going to start now. He was better than that. That would just make him sink to her level.

"Then you saw wrong," she accused. "Not like you've never cheated on me. I know you Sirius."

Sirius wanted to laugh coldly in her face. That was the most ridiculous thing he had heard. "You obviously don't know me. I've always been faithful to you, Anna. I was the faithful one. I never cheated on you. But you, you, had to destroy this relationship. How many times Anna? How many guys? I would love to know how much I mean to you."

Anna's face hardened. She couldn't deny it any longer. There was no persuading him now. The truth was too open.

"Sirius you don't mean that we... we are over?" She stumbled over her words. She couldn't think about not being with Sirius. He had been the only one who actually loved her. Saw through her acts. Saw how insecure she really was. But now everything was different. He didn't see her like he did before. And it was all her fault.

"That's exactly what I mean," Sirius remarked. "I'm sick of trying to convince myself that you're different, that I can change you. Now, now, I see who you really are. You're a fake. Just like all that makeup you wear. You try to be someone who looks perfect and never lets anyone see beyond the surface. I think you've even got yourself convinced that, who I see right now, is who you are. Take a look in the mirror, Anna, tell me what you see."

He turned to walk away, having said what he needed. He felt a sense of release. He could finally move on. He wasn't sure if Anna would ever change. It may affect her for a second and then she would go back to the way she was. It would take a lot more than just the truth to leave a lasting impression on her.

He felt her hands pull him back. Once again he was facing her. Her sky blue eyes filled with unshed tears. He didn't even let her get her words out, "Just let it go, Anna, just let me go." For once she listened. Her arms dropped to her sides, tears slowly leaking from her hurt eyes. He resumed walking away. He noticed that the common room was pretty empty. He was surprised that no one stayed to watch the entertainment of a brake up. He shrugged it off. He sighed in contentment. Inconspicuously he looked over his shoulder. Anna was no longer standing where she had been previously. She was no longer in the room. Finally he could breathe.

He spotted Lily and James on the love seat beside the fire – snogging.

"Get a room will you," Sirius complained, dropping into a lone chair next to the new couple. Lily and James disengaged.

"Oh Padfoot, we plan to," James replied smirking. Sirius chuckled.

"James Potter!" Lily exclaimed. Her face reddened all the way to her hair line.

"I love it when she yells at me."

The End