Skinny Jeans Have No Place On These Thighs
Overdramatic and Silly
"Ella, did you take my phone?"
I stand facing the firing squad feeling just terrible. I look terrible but I don't think I've ever felt as bad as I looked before. No, I probably have but this is one time I will remember. From now on, it will be the example I give myself when I need to give an exact day of when I looked as bad as I felt.
Bridget folds her arms and looks at me hard. "Well?"
As there's nothing else I can do, I just take the phone out of my blazer and place it stupidly in the crook of her arm. She takes her arms apart awkwardly, exasperatedly at where I've put it. That's clearly not what she's most annoyed about though, for obvious reasons.
"I cannot believe that you did that Ella!" says Bridget angrily.
"You lied to me. You said you didn't have his number." It's a weak point but worth mentioning, I think to myself.
"Oh, so you just thought you'd take my phone and check for yourself, did you?" snapped Bridget, holding the phone up to my face. "You've really crossed a line Ella. This is completely out of order! I am just so - " she swore badly - "about this!"
I mutter an apology but my heart isn't in it and Bridget isn't an idiot. "But that's the thing, you're not sorry!" she bursts out, "You'd do it again if you had to! What is wrong with you at the moment Ella? Getting grounded, calling people you barely know!?"
I resent this because I haven't called 'people', I phoned Marcus, once, and I do know him. I'm definitely in a level higher than just aquaintance, surely? Maybe I'm not his friend yet but I'm on his radar...not radar...he'd probably remember my name?
"Ella?" Bridget is looking even more agigated. "For God's sake, seriously - "
"What?" I stupidly retort. I have no leg to stand on, she is completely right to call me out on this, I know that. But I can't back down, I'll look like an idiot. "So I borrowed your phone, big deal."
"Nicked it, you mean," scoffs Izzie. She's not smiling exactly anymore but she's definitely stirring it. I want to tell her to shut up then too because I can't deal with my friends having a go at me.
So I do the sensible thing. I turn on my heel and leg it.
I'm in half a mind to just run out of school but they'd only phone my Mum and that would land me in even bigger trouble.
So, feeling like an anti-climax, I make my way to afternoon registration, avoiding the seat where I usually sit with Izzie and Bridget at the back. I sit right at the front next to a boy called Luke Treddinick who is always drawing on people's bags. I fortunately remember and keep it on my lap.
Bridget comes to the desk from the back of the room but before she can talk, Mrs Chieftain bustles into the room and order Bridget to sit down. For a moment, I think she might tell me to move back to my seat but since Arthur is away, the boy who normally sits there, she doesn't say anything, just raises her eyebrows before taking the register.
When she's finished, she takes up all our form time telling us about a charity night that she and some of the other teachers are running and how any volunteers will be greatly appreciated. There's some other stuff too but I'm not really listening, or even really looking at her. I just fix my eyes on the doors, my bag pressing down into my lap, waiting to be dismissed so I can go to Geography and then History and then bugger off home quickly before Bridget or Izzie have a change to try and interrogate me again.
Geography goes easily enough as only Izzie is in my set but as we're seated alphabetically - Sparks and Valentine - we're nowhere near each other. I run out before she can catch me up as I'm in the same group as both Izzie and Bridget for History.
I'm not as lucky this time as Mr Hoskins is away and we have a substitute teacher who doesn't seem to care what we do as long as we're relatively quiet about it. He quickly writes on the board the page number and questions and then settles himself down with a large pile of marking.
"Are you just going to ignore us then and hope this goes away?" says Bridget from in front of me. She turns around in her seat, glaring at me.
I put my head down, staring at the page in front of me on the Crusades but I'm not reading it. I read the same first sentence over and over again and all I can think about is Robin Hood and Bridget and Marcus and Izzie laughing at me and my Mum having a go and my Dad being gone and my Mum replacing him without even asking me...I know she wouldn't ask me, that would be weird, but still...it's like everything's changed and no one cared enough to find out if I even minded. The change came, forced me to accept him and then kissed me on the side of the mouth.
"Ella, for God's sake, stop ignoring me! What is your problem?"
I still don't look up. I can't do it, my eyes refuse to meet Bridget's because I don't know how to. I don't know whether I could act like I was really, really upset or if I should be stony and cold back to her. The thing is I am really upset but all that shows on my face is a sort of greyness and that isn't the same as feeling bad.
I could tell her everything but it wouldn't work. There's people around and there's not enough talking to mask what I'd be saying to her. Plus, Bridget would be furious at what I'd been up to, the drugs and messing around and walking around late at night. I half wanted her to be annoyed in a way, just like I wished I could have cried in the toilets at lunch time. It was almost becoming an obsession - to appear upset so people would ask me what was wrong.
I was being a complete attention seeker but somehow I didn't mind. I feel like I had earned some attention. Izzie and Bridget were always bickering about something or other - I wonder if they feel as bad as I do right now when they do though...I can't imagine they do. If they did then they couldn't do it as much as they do.
This feels more serious somehow. Possibly because it's my quarrel - you always seem to take your own problems more seriously than others. Possibly because it just is more serious.
"Ella!" hisses Bridget for a third time.
"Oh Bridget, just shut up, all right?" snaps Izzie from my right hand side. "She clearly doesn't want to talk to you, OK?"
I half glance up at Izzie but she's not looking at me, she's looking at Bridget. I don't know why Izzie is taking my side. It's not because we've been friends longer. It's not because I'm in the right because I'm truly not. I'm the one being unreasonable and behaving like a child. But perhaps that's why Izzie is relating to me - because she behaves the same way on a daily basis.
Bridget rolls her eyes at Izzie then and turns back to her work, or rather, her copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and doesn't look at either of us for the rest of the lesson. At the end of the hour, she stuffs her book into her bag and leaves directly without saying goodbye.
I feel bad then because, truth be told, if I had to confide in anyone it would be Bridget, because she wouldn't let me get away with being overly dramatic and silly.
But Izzie will. Because, yep, you guessed it, she is overdramatic and silly.
I stand facing the firing squad feeling just terrible. I look terrible but I don't think I've ever felt as bad as I looked before. No, I probably have but this is one time I will remember. From now on, it will be the example I give myself when I need to give an exact day of when I looked as bad as I felt.
Bridget folds her arms and looks at me hard. "Well?"
As there's nothing else I can do, I just take the phone out of my blazer and place it stupidly in the crook of her arm. She takes her arms apart awkwardly, exasperatedly at where I've put it. That's clearly not what she's most annoyed about though, for obvious reasons.
"I cannot believe that you did that Ella!" says Bridget angrily.
"You lied to me. You said you didn't have his number." It's a weak point but worth mentioning, I think to myself.
"Oh, so you just thought you'd take my phone and check for yourself, did you?" snapped Bridget, holding the phone up to my face. "You've really crossed a line Ella. This is completely out of order! I am just so - " she swore badly - "about this!"
I mutter an apology but my heart isn't in it and Bridget isn't an idiot. "But that's the thing, you're not sorry!" she bursts out, "You'd do it again if you had to! What is wrong with you at the moment Ella? Getting grounded, calling people you barely know!?"
I resent this because I haven't called 'people', I phoned Marcus, once, and I do know him. I'm definitely in a level higher than just aquaintance, surely? Maybe I'm not his friend yet but I'm on his radar...not radar...he'd probably remember my name?
"Ella?" Bridget is looking even more agigated. "For God's sake, seriously - "
"What?" I stupidly retort. I have no leg to stand on, she is completely right to call me out on this, I know that. But I can't back down, I'll look like an idiot. "So I borrowed your phone, big deal."
"Nicked it, you mean," scoffs Izzie. She's not smiling exactly anymore but she's definitely stirring it. I want to tell her to shut up then too because I can't deal with my friends having a go at me.
So I do the sensible thing. I turn on my heel and leg it.
I'm in half a mind to just run out of school but they'd only phone my Mum and that would land me in even bigger trouble.
So, feeling like an anti-climax, I make my way to afternoon registration, avoiding the seat where I usually sit with Izzie and Bridget at the back. I sit right at the front next to a boy called Luke Treddinick who is always drawing on people's bags. I fortunately remember and keep it on my lap.
Bridget comes to the desk from the back of the room but before she can talk, Mrs Chieftain bustles into the room and order Bridget to sit down. For a moment, I think she might tell me to move back to my seat but since Arthur is away, the boy who normally sits there, she doesn't say anything, just raises her eyebrows before taking the register.
When she's finished, she takes up all our form time telling us about a charity night that she and some of the other teachers are running and how any volunteers will be greatly appreciated. There's some other stuff too but I'm not really listening, or even really looking at her. I just fix my eyes on the doors, my bag pressing down into my lap, waiting to be dismissed so I can go to Geography and then History and then bugger off home quickly before Bridget or Izzie have a change to try and interrogate me again.
Geography goes easily enough as only Izzie is in my set but as we're seated alphabetically - Sparks and Valentine - we're nowhere near each other. I run out before she can catch me up as I'm in the same group as both Izzie and Bridget for History.
I'm not as lucky this time as Mr Hoskins is away and we have a substitute teacher who doesn't seem to care what we do as long as we're relatively quiet about it. He quickly writes on the board the page number and questions and then settles himself down with a large pile of marking.
"Are you just going to ignore us then and hope this goes away?" says Bridget from in front of me. She turns around in her seat, glaring at me.
I put my head down, staring at the page in front of me on the Crusades but I'm not reading it. I read the same first sentence over and over again and all I can think about is Robin Hood and Bridget and Marcus and Izzie laughing at me and my Mum having a go and my Dad being gone and my Mum replacing him without even asking me...I know she wouldn't ask me, that would be weird, but still...it's like everything's changed and no one cared enough to find out if I even minded. The change came, forced me to accept him and then kissed me on the side of the mouth.
"Ella, for God's sake, stop ignoring me! What is your problem?"
I still don't look up. I can't do it, my eyes refuse to meet Bridget's because I don't know how to. I don't know whether I could act like I was really, really upset or if I should be stony and cold back to her. The thing is I am really upset but all that shows on my face is a sort of greyness and that isn't the same as feeling bad.
I could tell her everything but it wouldn't work. There's people around and there's not enough talking to mask what I'd be saying to her. Plus, Bridget would be furious at what I'd been up to, the drugs and messing around and walking around late at night. I half wanted her to be annoyed in a way, just like I wished I could have cried in the toilets at lunch time. It was almost becoming an obsession - to appear upset so people would ask me what was wrong.
I was being a complete attention seeker but somehow I didn't mind. I feel like I had earned some attention. Izzie and Bridget were always bickering about something or other - I wonder if they feel as bad as I do right now when they do though...I can't imagine they do. If they did then they couldn't do it as much as they do.
This feels more serious somehow. Possibly because it's my quarrel - you always seem to take your own problems more seriously than others. Possibly because it just is more serious.
"Ella!" hisses Bridget for a third time.
"Oh Bridget, just shut up, all right?" snaps Izzie from my right hand side. "She clearly doesn't want to talk to you, OK?"
I half glance up at Izzie but she's not looking at me, she's looking at Bridget. I don't know why Izzie is taking my side. It's not because we've been friends longer. It's not because I'm in the right because I'm truly not. I'm the one being unreasonable and behaving like a child. But perhaps that's why Izzie is relating to me - because she behaves the same way on a daily basis.
Bridget rolls her eyes at Izzie then and turns back to her work, or rather, her copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and doesn't look at either of us for the rest of the lesson. At the end of the hour, she stuffs her book into her bag and leaves directly without saying goodbye.
I feel bad then because, truth be told, if I had to confide in anyone it would be Bridget, because she wouldn't let me get away with being overly dramatic and silly.
But Izzie will. Because, yep, you guessed it, she is overdramatic and silly.