Skinny Jeans Have No Place On These Thighs
Fingers Or Mouth Shut
"Did you get to speak to Marcus then?" asks Izzie as we walk out of school together.
She's already looking around for Andrew eagerly at the school gates. Anything I say will probably only half get taken in.
"Yeah."
"What did he say?" squeals Izzie excitedly, clearly forgetting her earlier implication that I was just stalking him.
"Um..." How to answer that question...virtually impossible without filling Izzie in on the some of the other stuff. Since I can't stand keeping the information to myself a moment longer, and because I really am pretty much just attention seeking at this point, I say, "...well, I was asking him how he was after the weekend. There was an incident at my house and the police got called round and we had to give statements and stuff."
"WHAT!?"
I have successfully abstracted Izzie's attention from the school gates. She's gaping at me in utter astonishment. "An incident? Ella, what do you mean?"
"Marcus came round - " I try to begin but Izzie interrupts me instantly.
"Why?"
"He was returning my phone," I confess, adding quickly, "I lost it. Anyway, I invited him in my tea and...well, we started kissing - "
"He kissed you?!" splutters Izzie in a bizarre way. I mean, she knows we've kissed before at Bridget's impromptu party - why is it such a surprise it should happen again? I'm glad now that I've made no mention of the cocaine at Kitch's place as that may well have blown Izzie's head off, even though I'm almost certain that she tried it on the night of Bridget's party, when she's had a one night stand with Andrew. Only I suppose it doesn't count as a one night stand now they're actually going out together.
"So what happened then? Did you do it?!"
"No!" Now I'm stuck because I don't know what to tell her about William Birch and the side-of-mouth kiss.
Izzie might shrug and say everyone overreacted or she might overreact and start telling everyone I'd been abused by my future step father which wouldn't be true! But it's the sort of thing that Izzie would exaggerate and tell people. She spins words faster than spiders do webs.
"We just...kissed and then these guys were at the door and barged their way in and then - "
At that moment, Andrew Foreman appears at the school gates with his scooter, taking his helmet off and shaking out his hair that's simply not long enough to be shaken efficiently. He waves over at Izzie and Izzie looks torn for a second.
"Look Ella, I have to go, but I'll call you later, all right?" gabbles Izzie, beginning to scurry away towards the gates, faster than me.
"I don't have my phone!" I call after her.
"Oh, fine! I'll call round later on then."
"No, don't!" I say in horror - my Mum wouldn't like it one bit if Izzie came round - but Izzie is already adjusting the second, more battered, helmet to her head and together she and Andrew set off down the road.
Scooters aren't as cool as motor bikes, not for one moment, but it must be wonderful to get picked up by your boyfriend like that. I see a group of girls by the gates watching as they disappear off and can tell instantly that they're jealous. You can just instinctively know when people are talking about you.
It's then that I catch sight of Bridget leaning down to speak into the window of a parked car. I look closer and see it's Seb's car. Then I see who else is in the car with him. It's Marcus! He isn't looking at me though, he's holding up a newspaper or a magazine or something and trying to get Seb's attention. Only Seb seems to be interested in what Bridget is saying to him.
It only dawns on me when they both, at the same time, glance in my direction, that I am the subject of this conversation. I know that Bridget's angry with me, and I truly don't blame her, but I can't help feeling like she's let me down when she doesn't tell Marcus that I'm near by. Not even when he gets out of the car to let her jump into the back does she point me out to him. And then Seb drives away and I'm left standing there, completely left out and with no one to walk home with.
I wasn't expecting a lift home from Bridget and Seb today but being abandoned by Izzie did hurt a little. Andrew does come to meet her every day. It wouldn't have killed her this once if she'd told him she'd meet him later on. The walk home would have been my only time to fill her in on the details of Saturday. Now I've missed my change until tomorrow.
Part of me really wants to tell her but the other half is telling me to bite my tongue on this one. I couldn't quite put my finger on why either.
So I go home, chuck my school bag on my chair and settle in front of the TV until my Mum gets back and tells me to turn it off. She has a mini-go at me for having it on at all and I go up to my room and start finishing the history work that I didn't trouble myself with in class.
I like history but I've never done the Crusades.
I'm just starting to get into it when I hear the front door go and then my Mum sounding slightly harassed. After a few minutes have gone by, there's a knock at my door. It's my Mum, come to tell me that Izzie has just left.
I apologise quickly, trying to explain that I told her not to come round but she's not listening. Like Izzie, excuses seem to fall on deaf ears when it comes to my Mum. She just stands in the door way which I don't like - people should either be in a room or out of it, not hovering about by the door - and starts to say to me that although I've known Izzie a long time, she's not sure how suitable a friend she is anymore and how she might call Steven, her Dad, about not letting Izzie come round.
I doubt that Izzie's Dad gets any say in what Izzie does anymore. He was strict before but since his girlfriend Serena came along, he's been Mr Nice Guy. I wish my Mum's new boyfriend had made her more relaxed but if anything things between me and my Mum are more stressful now than ever before. Obviously, him being suspected of pedophilia over the weekend can't have been too helpful to them but...oh, I just wish that Mum would stop being on my case so much.
She's probably just venting because she'd frustrated about something but surely this all can't be about me?
I make the mistake of catching my own reflection in the mirror. Mum then heartily humiliates me about it, somehow, and then finally leaves when she hears William Birch arriving downstairs. Thankfully, he doesn't come up, she goes down to him, leaving me with my history work which I've strangely gone off all of a sudden.
Our dinner is fish fingers and mash potato. I know it's bad but I'm so hungry, frustrated and...verbally beaten that I give in and gave three of the four fish fingers and two large fork fulls of mash. As I swallow the fish then, I can feel my stomach heaving inside me. I'm starting to sweat now, feeling utterly disgusted with myself.
When will I ever get this right, I think miserably as I scoop the rest into the bin.
So I make a decision there and then. If I can't make myself sick, and from the last attempts it's clear that I find it almost impossible, then there's only one thing for it. I'll just have to stop eating altogether.
She's already looking around for Andrew eagerly at the school gates. Anything I say will probably only half get taken in.
"Yeah."
"What did he say?" squeals Izzie excitedly, clearly forgetting her earlier implication that I was just stalking him.
"Um..." How to answer that question...virtually impossible without filling Izzie in on the some of the other stuff. Since I can't stand keeping the information to myself a moment longer, and because I really am pretty much just attention seeking at this point, I say, "...well, I was asking him how he was after the weekend. There was an incident at my house and the police got called round and we had to give statements and stuff."
"WHAT!?"
I have successfully abstracted Izzie's attention from the school gates. She's gaping at me in utter astonishment. "An incident? Ella, what do you mean?"
"Marcus came round - " I try to begin but Izzie interrupts me instantly.
"Why?"
"He was returning my phone," I confess, adding quickly, "I lost it. Anyway, I invited him in my tea and...well, we started kissing - "
"He kissed you?!" splutters Izzie in a bizarre way. I mean, she knows we've kissed before at Bridget's impromptu party - why is it such a surprise it should happen again? I'm glad now that I've made no mention of the cocaine at Kitch's place as that may well have blown Izzie's head off, even though I'm almost certain that she tried it on the night of Bridget's party, when she's had a one night stand with Andrew. Only I suppose it doesn't count as a one night stand now they're actually going out together.
"So what happened then? Did you do it?!"
"No!" Now I'm stuck because I don't know what to tell her about William Birch and the side-of-mouth kiss.
Izzie might shrug and say everyone overreacted or she might overreact and start telling everyone I'd been abused by my future step father which wouldn't be true! But it's the sort of thing that Izzie would exaggerate and tell people. She spins words faster than spiders do webs.
"We just...kissed and then these guys were at the door and barged their way in and then - "
At that moment, Andrew Foreman appears at the school gates with his scooter, taking his helmet off and shaking out his hair that's simply not long enough to be shaken efficiently. He waves over at Izzie and Izzie looks torn for a second.
"Look Ella, I have to go, but I'll call you later, all right?" gabbles Izzie, beginning to scurry away towards the gates, faster than me.
"I don't have my phone!" I call after her.
"Oh, fine! I'll call round later on then."
"No, don't!" I say in horror - my Mum wouldn't like it one bit if Izzie came round - but Izzie is already adjusting the second, more battered, helmet to her head and together she and Andrew set off down the road.
Scooters aren't as cool as motor bikes, not for one moment, but it must be wonderful to get picked up by your boyfriend like that. I see a group of girls by the gates watching as they disappear off and can tell instantly that they're jealous. You can just instinctively know when people are talking about you.
It's then that I catch sight of Bridget leaning down to speak into the window of a parked car. I look closer and see it's Seb's car. Then I see who else is in the car with him. It's Marcus! He isn't looking at me though, he's holding up a newspaper or a magazine or something and trying to get Seb's attention. Only Seb seems to be interested in what Bridget is saying to him.
It only dawns on me when they both, at the same time, glance in my direction, that I am the subject of this conversation. I know that Bridget's angry with me, and I truly don't blame her, but I can't help feeling like she's let me down when she doesn't tell Marcus that I'm near by. Not even when he gets out of the car to let her jump into the back does she point me out to him. And then Seb drives away and I'm left standing there, completely left out and with no one to walk home with.
I wasn't expecting a lift home from Bridget and Seb today but being abandoned by Izzie did hurt a little. Andrew does come to meet her every day. It wouldn't have killed her this once if she'd told him she'd meet him later on. The walk home would have been my only time to fill her in on the details of Saturday. Now I've missed my change until tomorrow.
Part of me really wants to tell her but the other half is telling me to bite my tongue on this one. I couldn't quite put my finger on why either.
So I go home, chuck my school bag on my chair and settle in front of the TV until my Mum gets back and tells me to turn it off. She has a mini-go at me for having it on at all and I go up to my room and start finishing the history work that I didn't trouble myself with in class.
I like history but I've never done the Crusades.
I'm just starting to get into it when I hear the front door go and then my Mum sounding slightly harassed. After a few minutes have gone by, there's a knock at my door. It's my Mum, come to tell me that Izzie has just left.
I apologise quickly, trying to explain that I told her not to come round but she's not listening. Like Izzie, excuses seem to fall on deaf ears when it comes to my Mum. She just stands in the door way which I don't like - people should either be in a room or out of it, not hovering about by the door - and starts to say to me that although I've known Izzie a long time, she's not sure how suitable a friend she is anymore and how she might call Steven, her Dad, about not letting Izzie come round.
I doubt that Izzie's Dad gets any say in what Izzie does anymore. He was strict before but since his girlfriend Serena came along, he's been Mr Nice Guy. I wish my Mum's new boyfriend had made her more relaxed but if anything things between me and my Mum are more stressful now than ever before. Obviously, him being suspected of pedophilia over the weekend can't have been too helpful to them but...oh, I just wish that Mum would stop being on my case so much.
She's probably just venting because she'd frustrated about something but surely this all can't be about me?
I make the mistake of catching my own reflection in the mirror. Mum then heartily humiliates me about it, somehow, and then finally leaves when she hears William Birch arriving downstairs. Thankfully, he doesn't come up, she goes down to him, leaving me with my history work which I've strangely gone off all of a sudden.
Our dinner is fish fingers and mash potato. I know it's bad but I'm so hungry, frustrated and...verbally beaten that I give in and gave three of the four fish fingers and two large fork fulls of mash. As I swallow the fish then, I can feel my stomach heaving inside me. I'm starting to sweat now, feeling utterly disgusted with myself.
When will I ever get this right, I think miserably as I scoop the rest into the bin.
So I make a decision there and then. If I can't make myself sick, and from the last attempts it's clear that I find it almost impossible, then there's only one thing for it. I'll just have to stop eating altogether.
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I think this is like the Fourth update of the night?Hmm...oh well, enjoy guys!