Skinny Jeans Have No Place On These Thighs
"He's Gay, Babe"
"I'm sorry about everything that happened at school," I say as I'm leaving Bridget's house.
It's nearly nine o'clock and my Mum called earlier to ask if Mrs Evans could drop me home. Mrs Evans agreed but then remembered later that she'd already had two glasses of wine and therefore couldn't. Luckily Seb was going out anyway so he offered to drive me.
"Don't worry about it," says Bridget kindly, "But you know, if there's something bothering you, you can always talk to me about it. You know that right?"
I nod and we hug good bye. Seb is waiting in the car, along with Marcus and Q, although I think his real name is actually Quentin.
Marcus is sitting in the front seat but I arrive Seb cuffs Marcus's knee sharply and tells him to move.
"Why should I move?" laughs Marcus, swatting Seb back across the head.
"Because we're dropped her off first."
"Well, why don't you sit in the back?" sneers Marcus, with a grin spreading across his face. "Let me drive the damn car."
"You won't drive it while I have breath in my body, now get out it."
Marcus reluctantly gets out and after he's climbed into the back of the car, I move the seat back again, hop in and then we're off.
It's weird being in the car with boys. Especially when they pretty much just ignore your presence and carry on as if you weren't there. Quentin starts talking about a girl he met the other day who he'd actually known when he was eleven but not seen in seven years and how much of a woman she'd become. I couldn't see properly but through the rear view mirror, I could see Quentin indicating how much of a woman she'd become by pretending to hold a large pair of breasts on his own chest.
I never understand when boys do that. Surely it would be clearer to turn their hands around to give the illusion of holding the breasts, rather than having them. Marcus laughs and says something that implies Quentin isn't likely to get to see or hold them. Quentin gets annoyed and from the front we hear a noise that sounds like a smack.
Marcus yells in pain and I turn round immediately to see what's going on.
Marcus has been hit but rather than retaliate he puts out that Seb is trying to concentrate on the road and that Quentin would do well to keep his 'gay' hands off him. I see annoyance flash across Quentin's face again but this time he does nothing.
I'm glad when we get to my house and hurry to get out of the car. I'm just thanking Seb for dropping me at home when Marcus gets out of the car. For a moment my heart leaps because I think he wants to say good bye to me but then I realise that he's just after the front seat.
"Don't piss me off again Blunt, I mean it!" snaps Quentin from the back seat.
Suddenly, Marcus loses his temper. It comes in a short, sharp burst but begins with Marcus banging his hand down very loudly on the bonnet of the car. "Oh you know what Q, you and your free pass can get stuffed!" He then uses the 'f' word, telling Q to go away, you know the way I mean. Then, Marcus puts his arm around me and says, "Come on, babe. Let's go open your Mum's whiskey up, eh?"
Before I can say anything, i.e. "YES!!!!", the arm that Marcus has around my shoulder is steering me up to my front door. I don't look behind me as I open the door because I'm too excited to have to pretend to feel bad for Q and Seb. Marcus is coming over to my house - again! Even after last time, when all of the weird stuff happened! He doesn't care! He loves me!
OK, I'm getting ahead of myself and suddenly feeling a little concerned because I know that my Mum doesn't have any whiskey. Because I can't think of anything else to say once the front door has been swung shut by Marcus, I tell him this but he just chuckles and says, "Don't worry, babe, I'm sure we can find another way to entertain ourselves."
The first thing we do is go into the back garden to have a cigarette. I'm grateful for it because I've heard that smoking can stop you getting so hungry and I only had one and a half slices of pizza before and even though I let myself have food on weekends, that is still too much grease going into my body. Anyway, I don't cough which is lucky and I don't have to ask for one because Marcus just hands one over.
Then, out of his pocket he produces his iPod and from my kitchen I fetch William Birch's speakers and Marcus puts on The Cribs new album. I haven't heard it but I know right away that I like it a lot.
"I like it a lot."
And I tell Marcus. He seems pleased and starts asking who else I like and I tell him, trying to be honest but not too honest. Thankfully, we have a few bands in common it seems - Placebo, although Marcus doesn't like their new stuff, System Of A Down, although I don't know their old stuff - I tell him that too, which I'm proud of myself for!
Marcus tells me about a few bands he likes - Fight Like Apes for their energy on stage, The xx for their bizarre beautiful music, Yeah Yeah Yeahs (who I know Bridget loves too) and The Vines who I think are Australian. If I'm remembering Marcus correctly.
After we've had a cigarette (well, I've only had one, but Marcus had three) we take the speakers back inside and Marcus takes a hip flask out of his pocket. He takes a swig and then offers it to me. I sniff it very subtly, trying not to let him notice. Honestly, it smells revolting so I just have a tiny bit. The next time, I just pretend to drink some and Marcus doesn't notice.
"Let's watch some telly," suggests Marcus so we go into the sitting room and I put on MTV. Then change it over because I can tell instantly that Marcus hates it. For some reason, when it gets to a nature programme Marcus takes the remote control out of my hand and suggests that we watch it.
But after five minutes of a cheetah not being quite tough enough to hunt its prey, Marcus turns it over and finds an episode of My Family. He grunts, indicating that he doesn't like that either but can't be bothered to keep on searching for something.
People say that about TV all the time. 'That's the problem with too many channels, you can never find anything' - well I think that's a load of rubbish. I can always find stuff to watch, at any time of the day or night. It's a shame there are no cartoons on actually.
I don't know why Marcus hasn't gone out and now too much time has passed between him leaving the car and us sitting together on the sofa. He's not trying to put his arm around me or anything like that either. He's just lazing back, his hands behind his head, occasionally smiling at the screen, taking the odd gulp from the flask and passing it across to me.
Finally I pluck up the courage to say something. "What was wrong with your friend Q?"
Marcus looks at me in surprise, as though he'd forgotten I was there or something. He considers the question and then rolls his eyes, giggling, "You're not much of a girl."
I feel my chest contract horribly. "What?"
Marcus takes one look at my face and bursts out laughing. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant...all the girls I know would have either bent my ear off until I told them or..." he raises his eyebrow mysteriously "...they would have figured it out for themselves."
I shake my head at him. "I don't understand."
Marcus smiles then and composes himself a little. "Sorry. I keep forgetting how young you are. OK, little lesson in life for you, my dear Ella. Sometimes, when a guy is really into..." and that's when Marcus gently grazes my chest with the back of his finger "...certain places on a girl's body..." he looks me right in the eye and I can feel him breathing in the rush of awkward excitement and confused embarrassment that emanating off of me "...it sometimes means that he's not really at all."
Marcus is still looking at me all sort of intensely which is why I am even more confused. If Marcus doesn't like my...chest then...why is he bothering to touch it? Why is he talking to me? Am I that repellent?
I shook slightly under his touch and looked at him in confusion. Marcus could see the effect he was having on me but that didn't stop him. "Some guys make a big show of touching breasts..." now it's both of his hands and they're holding them "...and wanting to touch them, it can be a cover for that really he wants to be touching something else."
My heart practically stops short then. I'm taken aback, I'm seeing stars around me, the flush of feeling in me is peaking.
"A man's cock."
I blink and some of the flush fell away, breaking into four or five pieces as it hit my nerves on the way down. "What?" I ask, my voice coming out all strange and breathy.
"Q is gay, babe." Marcus gives me a small, sexual smile and lets the moment linger for a few seconds before taking his hands off me.
I'm left inwardly gasping for breath, feeling incredibly disappointed and shocked at the same time. All of the anticipation had thrown me off my usual 'I don't think I want to go any further' spiel.
The loaded build up, that charged atmosphere, the feeling that there were magnets on our bodies drawing one another closer together...I didn't want that to go away so soon! Not without a resolution! Finding out that someone else was gay was all very well and good but...it was hardly a great passion on my part. Part of me felt cheated. But another, stronger, more powerful part of me just wanted him.
"Do you want to go out somewhere?" asks Marcus, putting his flask back into his jacket after taking another swig.
I don't waste any seconds in my perfect response. "But what about my Mum?"
Shame, shame, shame on me. Shame be on me because it's nothing more than I deserve for that disgustingly stupid response. Gargh.
It's nearly nine o'clock and my Mum called earlier to ask if Mrs Evans could drop me home. Mrs Evans agreed but then remembered later that she'd already had two glasses of wine and therefore couldn't. Luckily Seb was going out anyway so he offered to drive me.
"Don't worry about it," says Bridget kindly, "But you know, if there's something bothering you, you can always talk to me about it. You know that right?"
I nod and we hug good bye. Seb is waiting in the car, along with Marcus and Q, although I think his real name is actually Quentin.
Marcus is sitting in the front seat but I arrive Seb cuffs Marcus's knee sharply and tells him to move.
"Why should I move?" laughs Marcus, swatting Seb back across the head.
"Because we're dropped her off first."
"Well, why don't you sit in the back?" sneers Marcus, with a grin spreading across his face. "Let me drive the damn car."
"You won't drive it while I have breath in my body, now get out it."
Marcus reluctantly gets out and after he's climbed into the back of the car, I move the seat back again, hop in and then we're off.
It's weird being in the car with boys. Especially when they pretty much just ignore your presence and carry on as if you weren't there. Quentin starts talking about a girl he met the other day who he'd actually known when he was eleven but not seen in seven years and how much of a woman she'd become. I couldn't see properly but through the rear view mirror, I could see Quentin indicating how much of a woman she'd become by pretending to hold a large pair of breasts on his own chest.
I never understand when boys do that. Surely it would be clearer to turn their hands around to give the illusion of holding the breasts, rather than having them. Marcus laughs and says something that implies Quentin isn't likely to get to see or hold them. Quentin gets annoyed and from the front we hear a noise that sounds like a smack.
Marcus yells in pain and I turn round immediately to see what's going on.
Marcus has been hit but rather than retaliate he puts out that Seb is trying to concentrate on the road and that Quentin would do well to keep his 'gay' hands off him. I see annoyance flash across Quentin's face again but this time he does nothing.
I'm glad when we get to my house and hurry to get out of the car. I'm just thanking Seb for dropping me at home when Marcus gets out of the car. For a moment my heart leaps because I think he wants to say good bye to me but then I realise that he's just after the front seat.
"Don't piss me off again Blunt, I mean it!" snaps Quentin from the back seat.
Suddenly, Marcus loses his temper. It comes in a short, sharp burst but begins with Marcus banging his hand down very loudly on the bonnet of the car. "Oh you know what Q, you and your free pass can get stuffed!" He then uses the 'f' word, telling Q to go away, you know the way I mean. Then, Marcus puts his arm around me and says, "Come on, babe. Let's go open your Mum's whiskey up, eh?"
Before I can say anything, i.e. "YES!!!!", the arm that Marcus has around my shoulder is steering me up to my front door. I don't look behind me as I open the door because I'm too excited to have to pretend to feel bad for Q and Seb. Marcus is coming over to my house - again! Even after last time, when all of the weird stuff happened! He doesn't care! He loves me!
OK, I'm getting ahead of myself and suddenly feeling a little concerned because I know that my Mum doesn't have any whiskey. Because I can't think of anything else to say once the front door has been swung shut by Marcus, I tell him this but he just chuckles and says, "Don't worry, babe, I'm sure we can find another way to entertain ourselves."
The first thing we do is go into the back garden to have a cigarette. I'm grateful for it because I've heard that smoking can stop you getting so hungry and I only had one and a half slices of pizza before and even though I let myself have food on weekends, that is still too much grease going into my body. Anyway, I don't cough which is lucky and I don't have to ask for one because Marcus just hands one over.
Then, out of his pocket he produces his iPod and from my kitchen I fetch William Birch's speakers and Marcus puts on The Cribs new album. I haven't heard it but I know right away that I like it a lot.
"I like it a lot."
And I tell Marcus. He seems pleased and starts asking who else I like and I tell him, trying to be honest but not too honest. Thankfully, we have a few bands in common it seems - Placebo, although Marcus doesn't like their new stuff, System Of A Down, although I don't know their old stuff - I tell him that too, which I'm proud of myself for!
Marcus tells me about a few bands he likes - Fight Like Apes for their energy on stage, The xx for their bizarre beautiful music, Yeah Yeah Yeahs (who I know Bridget loves too) and The Vines who I think are Australian. If I'm remembering Marcus correctly.
After we've had a cigarette (well, I've only had one, but Marcus had three) we take the speakers back inside and Marcus takes a hip flask out of his pocket. He takes a swig and then offers it to me. I sniff it very subtly, trying not to let him notice. Honestly, it smells revolting so I just have a tiny bit. The next time, I just pretend to drink some and Marcus doesn't notice.
"Let's watch some telly," suggests Marcus so we go into the sitting room and I put on MTV. Then change it over because I can tell instantly that Marcus hates it. For some reason, when it gets to a nature programme Marcus takes the remote control out of my hand and suggests that we watch it.
But after five minutes of a cheetah not being quite tough enough to hunt its prey, Marcus turns it over and finds an episode of My Family. He grunts, indicating that he doesn't like that either but can't be bothered to keep on searching for something.
People say that about TV all the time. 'That's the problem with too many channels, you can never find anything' - well I think that's a load of rubbish. I can always find stuff to watch, at any time of the day or night. It's a shame there are no cartoons on actually.
I don't know why Marcus hasn't gone out and now too much time has passed between him leaving the car and us sitting together on the sofa. He's not trying to put his arm around me or anything like that either. He's just lazing back, his hands behind his head, occasionally smiling at the screen, taking the odd gulp from the flask and passing it across to me.
Finally I pluck up the courage to say something. "What was wrong with your friend Q?"
Marcus looks at me in surprise, as though he'd forgotten I was there or something. He considers the question and then rolls his eyes, giggling, "You're not much of a girl."
I feel my chest contract horribly. "What?"
Marcus takes one look at my face and bursts out laughing. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant...all the girls I know would have either bent my ear off until I told them or..." he raises his eyebrow mysteriously "...they would have figured it out for themselves."
I shake my head at him. "I don't understand."
Marcus smiles then and composes himself a little. "Sorry. I keep forgetting how young you are. OK, little lesson in life for you, my dear Ella. Sometimes, when a guy is really into..." and that's when Marcus gently grazes my chest with the back of his finger "...certain places on a girl's body..." he looks me right in the eye and I can feel him breathing in the rush of awkward excitement and confused embarrassment that emanating off of me "...it sometimes means that he's not really at all."
Marcus is still looking at me all sort of intensely which is why I am even more confused. If Marcus doesn't like my...chest then...why is he bothering to touch it? Why is he talking to me? Am I that repellent?
I shook slightly under his touch and looked at him in confusion. Marcus could see the effect he was having on me but that didn't stop him. "Some guys make a big show of touching breasts..." now it's both of his hands and they're holding them "...and wanting to touch them, it can be a cover for that really he wants to be touching something else."
My heart practically stops short then. I'm taken aback, I'm seeing stars around me, the flush of feeling in me is peaking.
"A man's cock."
I blink and some of the flush fell away, breaking into four or five pieces as it hit my nerves on the way down. "What?" I ask, my voice coming out all strange and breathy.
"Q is gay, babe." Marcus gives me a small, sexual smile and lets the moment linger for a few seconds before taking his hands off me.
I'm left inwardly gasping for breath, feeling incredibly disappointed and shocked at the same time. All of the anticipation had thrown me off my usual 'I don't think I want to go any further' spiel.
The loaded build up, that charged atmosphere, the feeling that there were magnets on our bodies drawing one another closer together...I didn't want that to go away so soon! Not without a resolution! Finding out that someone else was gay was all very well and good but...it was hardly a great passion on my part. Part of me felt cheated. But another, stronger, more powerful part of me just wanted him.
"Do you want to go out somewhere?" asks Marcus, putting his flask back into his jacket after taking another swig.
I don't waste any seconds in my perfect response. "But what about my Mum?"
Shame, shame, shame on me. Shame be on me because it's nothing more than I deserve for that disgustingly stupid response. Gargh.
♠ ♠ ♠
Marcus Blunt gets a kick out of making Ella feeling uncomfortable.