Skinny Jeans Have No Place On These Thighs
A Finger Between The Breasts
The sound is blasting out loud and strong. It's changed from well known anthems to spacey electronic with strings and a bizarre tempo that changes depending on the toxicity levels inside the DJ.
Saying DJ makes it sound like a disco but this is the farthest thing from any disco I've ever been to. The strangest, most beautiful things are happening all around me.
Strangers are circling one another, dancing and entrancing one another with weird hand movements, tricking the eyes when the strobes come out. Everyone throws their hands in the air, again and again and again and again, just for one note repeated so many times that I've lost count after only a few moments. We're leaping up and down in unison, like robots trained to jump on queue. Only not. I'm not doing this justice.
The girls climbing on the benches along the outside, their short skirts and dress-tops not covering themselves. But they don't care. Nobody cares.
I turn my head and as the music slows I see Gemma draping herself over Jenni. Her arms round her, her hips grinding right on Jenni's, her foot reaching round Jenni's leg, mouths open, not quite touching, teasing. Is Jenni teasing her?
I don't understand what it is I'm looking at. Then it happens. I realise Marcus isn't beside me. When did I last see him?
Jenni was acting like she'd known me all her life, or at least that's how it felt. But now Gemma's back I'm tossed aside. It's a miracle that Jenni was even giving me the time of day though. Night. The time of night. It's a miracle that Jenni was even giving me the time of night.
I wonder if Gemma will give someone a blow job tonight. Will she go home with someone or take someone home with her?
Where is Marcus?
I push my way off the dance floor, trying to do it nicely even though the smile I've got on isn't even fake. I'm happy, despite the creeping realisation that I may have lost Marcus. It doesn't matter. Music is music and a club is a club. Look at everyone. There isn't one person who I couldn't dance with here. Everyone is friendly.
All of my anxiety melted away some time ago, I don't remember exactly when. And now I can see Marcus at the bar. And he's talking to a trio of girls who are all putting their hands on him, laughing, poking and prodding at the boy who brought me.
I want to do what Cady did in Mean Girls. Rip them off him and wrestle them to the floor and claw them.
But this is civilization and you can't behave like that.
But it's only when I get closer that I feel my smile thinning. Their glossy hair is what gets me first. One with short fiery red that's dyed that way, one raven black, one blonde. They could be the Powerpuff Girls. Blossom the red head, and the other two. Bubbles and Buttercup. I never watched it.
"Marcus, you are so bad!" says Bubbles, the blonde girl. "You cannot be serious about the cat nip."
"What was it like?" asks Buttercup, raven haired girl.
"Like I was smoking cat nip," Marcus tells them and the four of them all laugh.
"Well, you'd do the same if you were stuck at some guy's house without your stash where the only thing available was pussy weed."
Buttercup and Bubbles grimace slightly at the word but Blossom just says, "Not for me actually Marcus. Since I got back from travelling, I don't do weed anymore. I've completely cut it out. Way too fattening and I want to keep my figure in tact."
"Not much starving yourself in the jungle if you're going to just put it all back on again I suppose," says Marcus, looking like he genuinely believes it too.
"Well, it was Iquitos, near the Amazon Rainforest so it wasn't much of a jungle, Marcus," replies Blossom smugly. "I'm compensating by upping my protein."
"More shrooms then I take it?" It's then Marcus sees me. At least he does seem pleased to see me.
"There you are, babe," he says warmly.
The Powerpuff Girls turn around as well and for the first time this evening I genuinely feel like I have eyes rolling up and down my body, the dryness of the balls getting stuck on my arms and legs. If you turned the music off entirely and listened carefully, you could hear my skin writhing around in shame. I know my face has gone red.
"Here, Marina, this is Ella. I brought her round to your place a few weeks ago. Remember, Ella?"
Marina, AKA Blossom, looks me up and down and then turns back to Marcus and says, right in front of me, "What the (eff) was this little sugar doing in my house?"
Taken aback as I am by her language and vehement dislike of me, I'm at a loss as to when I could have been at her house. I've never met her before. Hopefully I won't again either.
"Calm down, Merry," says Bubbles, the blonde girl, looking a bit shocked. Buttercup says nothing.
Marcus doesn't rise to her tone or come to my defence. He just says, "Yeah, I took her round to have a little party with me and Kitch."
Kitch...Matthew Kitchen - Mersey Avenue! The messy house with all the kebab wrappers and forgotten newspaper and CD cases and the cocaine. The night that Iggy Popper took my phone - it all comes flooding back to me.
Apparently, it all comes back to Marina as well because she suddenly turns around to face me right on which she didn't do before. "Oh, I see. So it was you who drank all my (eff)ing Malibu, huh?" When she says you she pokes me hard with a finger right on my chest, in between my breasts.
I step back two small paces, not so much from the force, although she's quite rough, but mostly from her. The wave of aggression I get off her is monumental.
"Merry, what the (eff), just leave it. It's an old bottle of Malibu, for Christ's sake!" snaps Bubbles, looking really annoyed at Marina.
"Yeah, come on, you're gonna get us kicked out at this rate," puts in Buttercup, putting a hand on Marina's arm which Marina promptly knocks off because she's not finished with me yet.
"So? Apology? Or better yet, why don't you give me some money for it? Unless...do you want me to come round your house when you're not there and just drink all your stuff?" Marina means it. Bubbles and Buttercup know she does too. Bubbles isn't saying anything now although she's rolling her eyes, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her pixie ears irritably.
"Marina, for God's sake, just because you're not in the jungle anymore, giving giraffes liposuction or whatever it was you did, don't take it out on Ella." This is Marcus. He stepped slightly closer to me and his expression has changed again. He genuinely looks pretty pissed off.
"Tell Ella to give me some money for it then," says Marina again, sounding equally pissed off.
Marcus sighs in exasperation and then gets out his wallet. "Here," he hands over a note but I don't see what it is, "I'm paying for Ella tonight. Get yourself a drink and stop being a bitch, all right? Come on, Ella."
Marcus takes my hand and he leads me away from them. I don't know why he's doing all this and I'm so stunned by what just happened, I actually find myself shouting in his ear, "Why did you do that?"
"Do what?" asks Marcus, calling back to me over his shoulder.
"Give her the money." That's not quite what I mean though. If I'd had the money, I would have given it to her because I was scared that she might hit me. But Marcus didn't have to worry about her hitting him.
This still isn't coming out right. I mean...Marina wasn't hassling him so he had nothing to worry about. Not that he'd worry about her anyway, but you get my drift. Marina was my problem - and a financial and possibly violent one at that - and Marcus completely stepped up and just paid for me.
He didn't even wait to see if I was going to or not. I mean I have no money on me anyway, but he doesn't know that.
From what Marcus has seen he probably thinks I'm quite well off since I paid fifty pounds for cocaine the other week.
"I could have paid," I correct myself as Marcus turns around to face me. We're by the lobby again, not far from where the blue haired girl is sat behind the counter with one eye on The Bell Jar (I'm sorry but I'm just fifteen and even I know that's a cliche) and the other on the monitors from the security cameras.
"Your night is on me tonight," Marcus tells me firmly. "You paid fifty quid for about five lines that time at Kitch's - it's only fair I pay for you."
"Right," I say. Some people might have been disappointed that Marcus was only taking them out to pay them back. I'm not one of those people though. I'm a realist and I count my lucky stars that he even remembered. I say, even remembered.
Jesus Christ, Marcus REMEMBERED! That's an amazing, wonderful thing. He remembered something, thoughtful, considerate - some girls expect too much. Or fail to see how nice the little things can be.
I promise I will never miss the little things that people (well, OK, boys) do for me.
"I'm sorry about Marina," Marcus adds. "Someone else is using the family manners apparently. Don't take any notice of her."
Oh Marcus, my love, my dream, do you honestly think my mind is on her when my eyes are on you? Foolish boy.
Saying DJ makes it sound like a disco but this is the farthest thing from any disco I've ever been to. The strangest, most beautiful things are happening all around me.
Strangers are circling one another, dancing and entrancing one another with weird hand movements, tricking the eyes when the strobes come out. Everyone throws their hands in the air, again and again and again and again, just for one note repeated so many times that I've lost count after only a few moments. We're leaping up and down in unison, like robots trained to jump on queue. Only not. I'm not doing this justice.
The girls climbing on the benches along the outside, their short skirts and dress-tops not covering themselves. But they don't care. Nobody cares.
I turn my head and as the music slows I see Gemma draping herself over Jenni. Her arms round her, her hips grinding right on Jenni's, her foot reaching round Jenni's leg, mouths open, not quite touching, teasing. Is Jenni teasing her?
I don't understand what it is I'm looking at. Then it happens. I realise Marcus isn't beside me. When did I last see him?
Jenni was acting like she'd known me all her life, or at least that's how it felt. But now Gemma's back I'm tossed aside. It's a miracle that Jenni was even giving me the time of day though. Night. The time of night. It's a miracle that Jenni was even giving me the time of night.
I wonder if Gemma will give someone a blow job tonight. Will she go home with someone or take someone home with her?
Where is Marcus?
I push my way off the dance floor, trying to do it nicely even though the smile I've got on isn't even fake. I'm happy, despite the creeping realisation that I may have lost Marcus. It doesn't matter. Music is music and a club is a club. Look at everyone. There isn't one person who I couldn't dance with here. Everyone is friendly.
All of my anxiety melted away some time ago, I don't remember exactly when. And now I can see Marcus at the bar. And he's talking to a trio of girls who are all putting their hands on him, laughing, poking and prodding at the boy who brought me.
I want to do what Cady did in Mean Girls. Rip them off him and wrestle them to the floor and claw them.
But this is civilization and you can't behave like that.
But it's only when I get closer that I feel my smile thinning. Their glossy hair is what gets me first. One with short fiery red that's dyed that way, one raven black, one blonde. They could be the Powerpuff Girls. Blossom the red head, and the other two. Bubbles and Buttercup. I never watched it.
"Marcus, you are so bad!" says Bubbles, the blonde girl. "You cannot be serious about the cat nip."
"What was it like?" asks Buttercup, raven haired girl.
"Like I was smoking cat nip," Marcus tells them and the four of them all laugh.
"Well, you'd do the same if you were stuck at some guy's house without your stash where the only thing available was pussy weed."
Buttercup and Bubbles grimace slightly at the word but Blossom just says, "Not for me actually Marcus. Since I got back from travelling, I don't do weed anymore. I've completely cut it out. Way too fattening and I want to keep my figure in tact."
"Not much starving yourself in the jungle if you're going to just put it all back on again I suppose," says Marcus, looking like he genuinely believes it too.
"Well, it was Iquitos, near the Amazon Rainforest so it wasn't much of a jungle, Marcus," replies Blossom smugly. "I'm compensating by upping my protein."
"More shrooms then I take it?" It's then Marcus sees me. At least he does seem pleased to see me.
"There you are, babe," he says warmly.
The Powerpuff Girls turn around as well and for the first time this evening I genuinely feel like I have eyes rolling up and down my body, the dryness of the balls getting stuck on my arms and legs. If you turned the music off entirely and listened carefully, you could hear my skin writhing around in shame. I know my face has gone red.
"Here, Marina, this is Ella. I brought her round to your place a few weeks ago. Remember, Ella?"
Marina, AKA Blossom, looks me up and down and then turns back to Marcus and says, right in front of me, "What the (eff) was this little sugar doing in my house?"
Taken aback as I am by her language and vehement dislike of me, I'm at a loss as to when I could have been at her house. I've never met her before. Hopefully I won't again either.
"Calm down, Merry," says Bubbles, the blonde girl, looking a bit shocked. Buttercup says nothing.
Marcus doesn't rise to her tone or come to my defence. He just says, "Yeah, I took her round to have a little party with me and Kitch."
Kitch...Matthew Kitchen - Mersey Avenue! The messy house with all the kebab wrappers and forgotten newspaper and CD cases and the cocaine. The night that Iggy Popper took my phone - it all comes flooding back to me.
Apparently, it all comes back to Marina as well because she suddenly turns around to face me right on which she didn't do before. "Oh, I see. So it was you who drank all my (eff)ing Malibu, huh?" When she says you she pokes me hard with a finger right on my chest, in between my breasts.
I step back two small paces, not so much from the force, although she's quite rough, but mostly from her. The wave of aggression I get off her is monumental.
"Merry, what the (eff), just leave it. It's an old bottle of Malibu, for Christ's sake!" snaps Bubbles, looking really annoyed at Marina.
"Yeah, come on, you're gonna get us kicked out at this rate," puts in Buttercup, putting a hand on Marina's arm which Marina promptly knocks off because she's not finished with me yet.
"So? Apology? Or better yet, why don't you give me some money for it? Unless...do you want me to come round your house when you're not there and just drink all your stuff?" Marina means it. Bubbles and Buttercup know she does too. Bubbles isn't saying anything now although she's rolling her eyes, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her pixie ears irritably.
"Marina, for God's sake, just because you're not in the jungle anymore, giving giraffes liposuction or whatever it was you did, don't take it out on Ella." This is Marcus. He stepped slightly closer to me and his expression has changed again. He genuinely looks pretty pissed off.
"Tell Ella to give me some money for it then," says Marina again, sounding equally pissed off.
Marcus sighs in exasperation and then gets out his wallet. "Here," he hands over a note but I don't see what it is, "I'm paying for Ella tonight. Get yourself a drink and stop being a bitch, all right? Come on, Ella."
Marcus takes my hand and he leads me away from them. I don't know why he's doing all this and I'm so stunned by what just happened, I actually find myself shouting in his ear, "Why did you do that?"
"Do what?" asks Marcus, calling back to me over his shoulder.
"Give her the money." That's not quite what I mean though. If I'd had the money, I would have given it to her because I was scared that she might hit me. But Marcus didn't have to worry about her hitting him.
This still isn't coming out right. I mean...Marina wasn't hassling him so he had nothing to worry about. Not that he'd worry about her anyway, but you get my drift. Marina was my problem - and a financial and possibly violent one at that - and Marcus completely stepped up and just paid for me.
He didn't even wait to see if I was going to or not. I mean I have no money on me anyway, but he doesn't know that.
From what Marcus has seen he probably thinks I'm quite well off since I paid fifty pounds for cocaine the other week.
"I could have paid," I correct myself as Marcus turns around to face me. We're by the lobby again, not far from where the blue haired girl is sat behind the counter with one eye on The Bell Jar (I'm sorry but I'm just fifteen and even I know that's a cliche) and the other on the monitors from the security cameras.
"Your night is on me tonight," Marcus tells me firmly. "You paid fifty quid for about five lines that time at Kitch's - it's only fair I pay for you."
"Right," I say. Some people might have been disappointed that Marcus was only taking them out to pay them back. I'm not one of those people though. I'm a realist and I count my lucky stars that he even remembered. I say, even remembered.
Jesus Christ, Marcus REMEMBERED! That's an amazing, wonderful thing. He remembered something, thoughtful, considerate - some girls expect too much. Or fail to see how nice the little things can be.
I promise I will never miss the little things that people (well, OK, boys) do for me.
"I'm sorry about Marina," Marcus adds. "Someone else is using the family manners apparently. Don't take any notice of her."
Oh Marcus, my love, my dream, do you honestly think my mind is on her when my eyes are on you? Foolish boy.
♠ ♠ ♠
Marina already misses the Rainforest and wants to go back.