Writing Words To The Music In Her Head

My jaw dropped.

”D-do you want me to... kiss you?” I couldn't believe that he actually dared me to do it. ”Like a real kiss, with tongue and everything?”

”Well, yeah”, Mike smiled.

Billie was quiet.

”Aw come on and just do it!” Tré said. ”I'm not watching.”

I locked eyes with Mike. I could tell that he was nervous. The expression on his face was filled with love, so I guessed that I had to. It would be rude to just refuse, so I tilted my head to the side and he came closer. He looked into my eyes, and down on my lips. He licked his lips and they met mine. My lips were tingeling with lust as I deepened the kiss, allowing his tongue to enter my mouth. It felt so good. His hands made their way into my hair, caressing it and running his fingers through it. I closed my eyes as he added more pressure to the kiss. This was my first kiss with a sober person, and it felt good. He was a good kisser, too.

I pulled away. It wasn't like I didn't want to continue kissing, but it was just like the kiss was done. He gasped for air and smiled mischeviously. I smiled back. Wow. I had just kissed Mike.

”I think that was all we all could take today”, Tré groaned. ”I want to sleep.”

”Um... Billie can I talk to you, alone?” Mike asked and Billie nodded. They left the room together.

While Tré was getting matresses and all that stuff, Lucy gave me a long hug.

”Oh my God!” She squealed. ”You kissed! How was it?”

I couldn't help but smile and blush. I was actually sweating, I blushed so hard. But in some way, it was a good blush. I wasn't embarrased, I liked kissing Mike. But Billie's face was stuck in my mind. I... I wanted Bille... didn't I? I was so confused. But now, I knew that nothing would happen between me and Billie. We would stay friends. I mean come on, I just made out with his best friend. Suddenly felt bad. Oh no.

”It was... fine”, I retorted and stared angrily at her. ”I just want to sleep now.”

I lay down on the mattress and stared into the wall. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. The realization was bombarded with pain from the realization. Wasn't Billie who I really wanted? I couldn't just go and break Mike's heart now. I sighed to myself, as I felt the stinging pain of regret in my chest. I would have to see what happened with Mike. I could always give him a shot with me, I mean, we couldn't just kiss once and never do anything like that again. And he would've never kissed me like that if he didn't have feelings for me. I knew how it felt to kiss guys that never even concidered me in any other way but without my clothes on, and this was way different. His kiss had actually made me feel special, maybe even loved. But did I love Mike? I wanted to. I wanted to fall for him and be all over him, but I wasn't. Not yet. I had to give it some time.

Some time after, I woke up hearing two people giggle. I turned my sleepy self from facing the wall and saw Billie and Mike trying to shush eacother as they lay down on two different matresses, one of which being next to me. I couldn't make out who was lying down on it. Gosh, the two of them was so much alike. Yellow, messy hair and kind off skinny. Had they ever heard of something called 'a personal style'. I groaned to myself before I fell asleep again.

* * * *

The next morning, I felt someone close to me. Too close to me. I blinked until the sleepy blurr cleared and I could see. I could smell his colougne, mixed with a smell of cigarettes. That's when I realized that it was Billie. He was so close to me. He had even left his own matress so the two of us were on mine. So close. And our legs were hooked to eachother, which we had done in some weird way while we slept, I guessed. His arm was even resting on my side. I looked down on the clock on his wrist. It was only 9:10 am.
You know how people always say that others look beautiful and peacefull when the sleep? Well, Billie didn't. His eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was half open. I felt sorry for him. Did he have a bad dream? He didn't look like he enjoyed sleeping.

Suddenly, his eyes popped open. He stared at me, his arm, our legs. He just stared. It was like he wasn't even awake, his eyes looked dead. He bit his lower lip and stared me in the eyes.

”Billie, what is it?” I whispered.

His whole body started to shake, and he unhooked our legs and sat up. I saw a tear roll down his cheek. What was happening with him?

I sat up and rested my hand on his shoulder.

”Please, Billie.. Tell me what's happening”, I begged..

He stood up and left the room.

* * * *

When I woke up the second time I was confused. Had it, or hadn't it happened? Billie was lying safe on his mattress and so did Mike. Lucy and Tré were up, I could see the light from upstairs coming through the halfopen door. They were proabably making breakfast.
If it was a dream, it had felt so real. The feeling of Billie shaking so uncontrollable next to me, the tear that escaped his closed eye. It made me want to cry. What also had felt too real to have been a dream, was the smell of his breath. You couldn't smell things and remember it in dreams, could you?

There was only one way to find out, and that way was super creepy. But I had to know. I sat up in my bed and sat down next to Billies mattress. His face was facing my side, where I sat on the floor. Should I really...?

I lay my head next to his and sniffed. First I couldn't smell anything, but then it was like it was thrusted out of every cell of his body. An awful morning breath, mixed with cigarettes and cologne. Just like earlier this morning.

”Sarah...?”

I jumped and stared. Billie was awake.

”... Yes...?” I replied.

”What're you doing?” He sounded very amused.

I sat up straight and cleared my throat. My cheeks was heating up.

”N-nothing”, I answered. ”I...” I laughed. ”I was going to scare you.”

He sat up too.

”Scare me?” He laughed, and ran a hand through his hair. I wanted to touch his hair...

”That's right”, I grinned. ”Come on, let's wake Mike up. I'm fucking hungry.”

He nodded, and we shook Mike's body until he woke up. He groaned a 'fuck off', but eventually he stood up and walked upstairs to the kitchen with us.

I was still thinking about Billie when I ate breakfast. Everyone was too sleepy to talk, except Lucy of course, so we just ate and I could think. I don't think Lucy was expecting anyone to answer, she just kept rambling.

What happened was just plain weird, and I would never have the guts to ask him about it.