Writing Words To The Music In Her Head

At first, I just stared dumbly in shock. Well, I didn’t really see Lucy. All I could think of, see was Adrienne. Adrienne and Billie, together. It was like they were supposed to be pulled apart. Adie was supposed to be with Lucy, and Billie was supposed to be with me. Why else would both of us have feelings for one of them?

“Wow…,” I finally gasped.

“Okay, don’t get all ‘Thou Shall Burn In Hell’ on me, okay?” Lucy’s eyes watered. “It’s not like I can help it, and I’ve tried to ignore my feelings, but… I can’t.”

“No, no, Lucy, it’s not that,” I assured her. “I don’t care that you love a girl. It’s pretty cool, actually. I’m just surprised that you actually like… Adrienne that way.”

“Is that really so hard to understand?” She half-smiled. “She’s quite a cutie… Haven’t you noticed?”

“Quite a cutie… Now you’re starting with those weird expressions again,” I smiled. “But, aren’t you going to do something about it? I mean, you should tell her.”

“Tell her? Are you out of your mind?”

“Maybe, a little,” I grinned. “But you know, I think she likes you, too.”

Lucy blushed.

“You’re just saying that,” she mumbled.

“I’m not just saying that.” I felt awful for this. I had never seen any signs of.. Adrienne showing that kind of interest about Lucy. I just wanted something to destroy her relationship with Billie. Could you blame me, though?

“You are,” Lucy sighed, and lay down on the bed. “And I’m so not telling her about it.”

“Well, you should at least give her a hint,” I said and lay down beside her. She rested her head against my shoulder. “Like I’m going to give Mike a hint about… that I’m not in love with him.”

Silence.

“I totally knew it,” Lucy finally said. “Billie?”

“Yeah.”

And I didn’t feel guilty this time for saying it. She wasn’t any better than me, anyway. She loved Adrienne, and I loved Billie. Sure, I should break it off with Mike already, but… I was going to. Or he was going to break up with me. We were going to talk. Ugh.

“Well, good night, then,” Lucy sighed and pulled up the sheets over us.

“Good night,” I said, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t be sleeping a lot that night.

-

Poke.
Poke, poke.
Poke, poke, poke.

“Alright, I’m awake!” I exclaimed and sat up in the bed.

“Good,” Lucy showed off a smug smile. “Mike’s on the phone.”

I stared at her, then at the phone she was holding in her hand, and then up at her grinning fucking face again.

“What are you waiting for?” Lucy asked and carelessly tossed the phone into my hands.

I waved her off, and answered the phone. Fuck. The first thing I did on the day was talking to Mike. Awesome.

God, I could be so mean… Mike was such a good friend. And he was really fucking funny. I had liked him a lot before we got together, and I even thought that I had feelings for him. What if it would be the same with Billie?
No, it would not. I was sure my feelings for Mike would’ve gone away even if I hadn’t started to date him.

“Hey, Sarah,” Mike said. “Where were you last night?”

“I… slept at Lucy’s,” I answered, trying hard to stabilize my voice.

“I don’t mean that,” he sighed. “We were supposed to talk, remember?”

“Oh, that,” I tried to sound surprised. “Well, since you said I had nothing to worry about… I guess I kind off forgot. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Mike replied, but I could hear that he was annoyed with me. “Can’t we get together today, then?”

“Sure,” I said. “What time?”

“Three?” Mike suggested. “Meet at the mall?”

“Okay, see you then,” I answered.

Mike hung up.

Hung up… He didn’t even say good bye. Why the fuck didn’t he say good bye? He was always so ridiculously keen on telling his ‘I love you’ and taking half an hour just getting off the phone with me. But now… Nothing. Not even a simple ‘bye, see you then’. I guess he was stating the obvious; he was going to break up with me. Not surprising at all, come to think of it. I was the worst girlfriend ever. Or at least, I had been acting like it.
Billie said I was good at acting…

“What time is it?” I asked Lucy.

“Ten to three,” she answered.

“Shit! Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Well, duh, I did.”

“Oh, thanks a lot,” I muttered sarcastically. “I’m going to the mall, I’m supposed to meet Mike there.”

“Okay,” Lucy mumbled, clearly hurt.

I couldn’t care about that now; I was about to get dumped.
I stood up and got dressed, falling over trying to somehow manage to get on a sock standing up. Lucy helped me up, though. And then I was ready to go.

-

When I was at the mall, five past three, no one was there. Maybe Mike was late? I scratched my head. I looked around, but no Mike. I walked around the mall, to see if he was waiting for me on some other place by the mall.
When I got to the usual spot I had started to wait, Mike was there.

“Hey,” I smiled and hugged him. He felt stiff, and he didn’t embrace me at all with the same love I usually felt when he put his arms around me. “I was waiting for you, and when you weren’t coming I just looked for you a little.”

He nodded slowly.

“Okay,” he said. “You know why we’re here, right?” I could barely recognize his voice… He was sounded so angry.

“No,” I answered stiffly. “You were the one who wanted to talk, remember?”

I had never seen Mike this upset. He wasn’t even looking me in the eyes. He just stared down on the ground.

“I’ve been… unfaithful,” he said. “I… I met this girl. Anastasia? Yeah, and um… She was really… I mean, I’m breaking up with you. I want to be with her.”

I couldn’t think.

“Well, that’s fucking great, Mike,” I spit out. “Thanks a fucking lot.”

I wasn’t even angry. I was just acting like I was angry. I was really just shocked. I couldn’t feel anything else than complete shock. How could he…

“I’m sorry,” Mike said, but he was speaking in monotone. It didn’t sound like an honest apology. “But you haven’t been a good girlfriend.”

“Stop it,” I said. “I don’t want to hear it.”

He was quiet.

“I’m going to Billie’s place,” I said. “You go… fuck Anastasia or something.”

I walked away. But as I was walking, I felt all the emotions catching up on me. It was finally becoming… real. My boyfriend had cheated on me because I was a bad girlfriend, or something. And he’d rather be with someone who dated someone who already was taken. I became angry with myself, and angry tears ran down my face. Fuck this.