Writing Words To The Music In Her Head

I had no idea what to do with this.
I ended up in Lucy’s place, but I barely got any sleep. Lucy kept trying to pump information out of me, because she could tell that I was upset. I didn’t want to talk about it, though. All I could see before me was my sister. What the hell was going to happen with her? Who was she going to grow up to become? Her future didn’t look bright.

Since I didn’t want to tell Lucy anything about what I had experienced that night, she kept going on about Adrienne. At random moments she would start laughing, and explain that she was just thinking about something funny she’d said on the phone earlier. They were getting along quite good, and I couldn’t help but feel forgotten. I just felt abandoned by everyone lately. Lucy, dad, Kimmie, … Billie. Even though I knew he had to go on tour, I just wanted him to be here, and listen to what I had to say. He was the only one I felt like talking to when it came to those things. He was the only one who truly listened when I said something. Being away from him felt harder than I’d thought it would.

But my life had to continue. Lucy dragged me out to hang out with her and Adie, even though we just did useless stuff like pulling pranks on random people and drinking coffee. And sure, I laughed at all the stupid things we did, but I were never really happy.
Once at a café, drinking coffee as usual Adie told us that she missed kissing Billie. She missed being held by him. She missed sleeping with him. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and well there I felt the tears running down my cheeks. It was too much, being in love with someone who didn’t feel the same way for me, and not having a home, someone to rely on, at the same time. I curled up in a corner of the small bathroom. I never wanted to leave there. I wanted to wait ‘til everything worked itself out on the outside of those four walls, before I were ready to face the world with a smile on my face.
That wasn’t what happened, though. It couldn’t. I stopped thinking for a moment, and stood up. I brushed off the dirt that could’ve possibly clutched on to my jeans, and blew my nose. I couldn’t go on like this. If anything would change, I had to change. I had to be strong, to be able to make Kimmie or dad strong. I was the one who had to get Adie and Lucy together, if they didn’t get together by themselves. I couldn’t just sit there and wait for things to happen. I had to make them happen. I was sick of being pathetic and depressed. But how could I possibly make things happen? What did I have to do?

I went back to our table, and sat down next to Lucy. I had to decide to start with the ‘easiest’ task; getting Lucy and Adrienne together.

“What are you guys talking about?” I asked and put a smile on my face.

“Just.. The regular.” Adie sighed. “Missing the guys.”

“Aw, come on,” I said. “We can’t just miss them all the time. We can have fun on our own, can’t we?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s more fun when they’re around,” Adie fingered on one of her dread locks. “Wait… what are you suggesting?”

She looked up on me mischievously, and I had to laugh.

“I’m not really suggesting anything…,” I began. Then I got an idea. “Do you guys know where the guys keep their..” I lowered my voice. “… pot?”

“Sarah!” Lucy exclaimed, and put a hand over her mouth.

“Don’t ruin this Lucy,” Adie laughed. “It could be fun. And yeah, I know where they keep it. I’ve smoked some myself.”

Lucy threw her a suspicious glance, filled with prejudice.

“Really?” She asked.

Adie just nodded. “And that’s a great idea, Sarah. Let’s do it. Tonight.”

I smiled again, feeling excited.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You were right,” Lucy laughed. “This was a good idea.”

I knew it was wrong to take Lucy down on a bad road, but I never forced her. Lucy did it because Adrienne wanted her to, and whatever chance she got to be close to her, she took.

“Adrienne, what is your sexual orientation?” I blurted out, and the three of us started laughing.

“What?” She asked. “I’m.. straight, aren’t I? Have you been sneaking through my porno?”

“Didn’t know you watched porn, but okay,” I giggled. “But come on, don’t you think some girls are hot? Like… Lucy, for example?”

Adrienne looked a little confused, but she glanced at Lucy. Lucy looked horrified. She was staring at me, as if she wanted to stab me. Little did she know that I was doing her a huge favor. She’d never dare to ask Adrienne something like this.

And I knew what Adie saw when she looked at Lucy now. She didn’t see the careful, slightly neurotic side of her that we all knew. She saw a girl with cute freckles on her nose and ice blue, beautiful eyes behind those thick rimmed glasses she wore. She saw her nicely shaped breasts under her white t-shirt and rounded hips. Adrienne smiled.

“You’re right,” she then said, still looking at Lucy. “I guess I am a little bi curious.”

I started laughing.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” I giggled, and high-fived her.

I made eye-contact with Lucy again, and she thanked me mentally, I could feel it.

“What about you, Luce?” I asked. “What do you think about girls?”

Lucy kept quiet.

“Come on, Lucy,” Adie pushed. “Don’t you want me?”

She pushed herself over her, puckered her lips and took her breasts in her hands, to make them look bigger and more inviting. Even though she looked stupid, even I could tell that this was a huge turn on for Lucy.

“Of course,” Lucy managed and smiled.

“Then kiss me, goddamn you,” Adie said and grabbed Lucy by the back of her head, and pushed their lips together.